married with MS
It was the winter of 2012 when my girlfriend and I got ready for a new horizon upon us. A blanket of white snow adorned the rooftops while we took comfort inside, keeping jolly for the holiday season.
That would be our last Christmas residing with our parents before moving out on our own. In the next month, we were taking a big step in our lives together– home ownership. It took four years of saving and preparation for our pre-construction condo, but we weren’t ready for the curveball that was flung in our direction.
Within the month of getting our keys, she was not not quite herself. Feeling off colour like a pair of worn out jeans. All of a sudden, there was limited sensation at her feet and it was steadily rising up to her waistline, as if her legs were constantly tingling. Similar to how a limb falls asleep when pinched with too much pressure. It was concerning to say the least but initially brushed aside.
In my pragmatic conviction, I chalked it up as cold feet, presuming that she had reservations. My mind came up with a multitude of assumptions, only the worst kinds. Knowing her to be skittish, I began to question everything we had worked for. How insensitive I was! After a week of the continuous symptoms it became more pressing by the minute.
When she was admitted to the Emergency Department, that’s when I grasped how serious it had gotten. Her bottom half remained numb and my mental state hit the skids. I was stupefied while my conscience was guilt-ridden. There was nothing I could do. My core wanted to help her feel better and be happy again as I sat bedside at the hospital. When visiting hours ended, I went to our empty condo to weep and pray that things would work itself out. I’m not religious but it’s interesting how tough times may call for a prayer. My sobbing reverberated off the walls as if the unit was an echo chamber. Returning the next day to be with her at dusk. Holding her hand while maintaining my self-composure, I had to keep strong for her.
Doctors ran a bunch of tests as if she was an experimental subject. Phlebotomists drew blood a handful of times. A series of medical imaging appointments had her pass through the CT scan and MRI. Worst of all was the lumbar puncture that was attempted twice. A group of residents were unsuccessful the first time round. The pain she experienced was unbearable as they missed their target like some lousy dart players. So she had to return on another day to have it done correctly. I've never known of a positive hospital stay but that was god awful. A discharge date couldn’t come soon enough. She stayed there for a week until leaving with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. It was devastating news.
What was supposed to be a happy milestone for us was overcast with a very challenging and difficult time. The likes of which we could never forget. Luckily, her sensation came back and she was swiftly put on medication to manage the potential of another MS attack. An injectable has been the most effective way to manage her condition day by day. Complemented with mindfulness and a healthy lifestyle. There was silver lining in the fact that she caught her ailment early on, otherwise things could have panned out much differently. I couldn’t even imagine nor would I care to try. Life seems to have a knack for testing us at the most inopportune moments.
Nonetheless, we pushed forward with the move and our plans together. Recalibrating our momentum towards a new normal for the future. It’s been nearly a decade now and in that time we have achieved many tremendous feats including; adopting a dog, getting married, going on memorable vacations, and upgrading to a house. Most of all, her health has been up to snuff. Admittedly, it’s not always easy but she has been brave and resilient through it all. Some days are harder than others, like anything else, but there’s always something to be thankful for.
She has really shown me the true meaning of unconditional love. You don’t quit on the ones you care about. I lament at how things unfolded but do my earnest to remain strong for her today. Uncertainty can be a real kick in the teeth. There have been moments when she stood by my side and talked me off the ledge too. In sickness and in health, we support each other no matter what. As long as we are together we can conquer any obstacle in our path. That’s how we have made it up until now. That’s how we have created a wonderful life that I am eternally grateful for.
Multiple sclerosis has not slowed her down. It’s a part of our lives that will never cease and desist. Something we need to keep at bay and do our damndest to stay in control of. While some mornings present itself like a coin toss, she may be feeling anything from extreme fatigue to tingling to an adverse effect. Even her medication has some unpredictability attached to it. Any given injection could be a menace towards a good start of the day. My output sometimes depends on her capacity but in any event, she still works harder than ever. Her devotion to her passions have been a real inspiration.
I have seen her manage a full time job while building her own start up at the same time. She has long been enthusiastic about event planning and that was the motivation for her to offer those talents to others. Weddings have been a howling success and the momentum continues to build. She even hosted a gala dinner in support of the MS Society of Canada. It was an eloquent extravaganza that raised thousands of dollars. I’ve helped along the way but she is a real superstar at that stuff. Like how a duck takes to water, she is a natural at hosting.
You could only imagine what Christmas looks like at our house nowadays. She must keep up with her reputation as an elite event planner, so none of the fixins are spared. A delicious spread of treats and well organized dinner is prepared for the family. Walls and exterior get decked with holiday decorations and lights. The tree takes the spotlight of the living space as the centre of attention. Everything gets dressed in classic white just as the snow outside. Moonshine gets passed around, as with tradition, and we indulge in the joy of another year together.
While it was the season in which despondency befell us in 2012, we don’t think of it like that. My wife certainly doesn’t. For it is not her illness that defines her but her strength and courage. Her positive attitude was the catalyst to overcome and prepared her for greater challenges. That energy has been incentivizing for myself and she inspires me everyday. Multiple Sclerosis may have tripped her up but she didn’t fall down and even if she does, I will be right there for her.