Some Things I Have Learned

I have learned to learn about the illness. In my case, I have learned about 11 illnesses, only to find that any one of them may crop up and have symptoms at any time and last for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days or even months. I have learned to take care of myself. The better I take care of myself, the better care I can give.

I have learned to set up a business so I can keep on working.  I have learned to be on call 24/7. I have learned that doctors are on call also, so call them. I have learned that there is never enough money, so ask, ask, ask for help. One can find ways to get help. I have learned to call an RN on my insurance card. “Hello, RN. Tell me which way I need to go with this problem.” I can call 24 hours a day.

I have learned to do things I never thought I ever would do in my life. I have learned to take complete care of my loved one for she is totally dependent on someone else to help her do her daily tasks of living. I have learned to fight for her. Doctors can care or they can hear from me very loudly. I have learned not to wait. See an infection? Do something about it before the infection blows up into something bigger to deal with.

I have learned to slow down when I have to. Lord knows, I care; but there are times I lose all energy and have to go to bed early to get 12 or more hours of sleep. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. Get done what you can and to Hell with the rest. Sometimes, the small stuff is not that big of a deal and can be dealt with the next day, next week or not at all.

I have learned I do not know it all. Every day has something else to deal with. I have learned to fight the insurance company. Their first response is always “No.” So learn that and then ask again. Sometimes there are ways around the “No” of an insurance company.

I have learned that there are treasures in caregiving. It’s not always Hell; actually, there are some blessed moments that can be reaped. Look for these moments, then go toward that area of life so both caregiver and care recipient are blessed. I have learned to give it to God. There are some things that are just not clear. So let go and let God do within His will and care.

I have learned I can help others—especially those who are where I was several years ago. I can be there for them and they can be there for me. I have learned to suck it up. I am not a special caregiver. There are others in the same boat as I am. Some are even worse off. I have learned to care...to simply be there, day in and day out, so my loved one is blessed.

I have learned that others are watching—from my job, from my church, from my neighbors. All are watching to see how I am handling this ordeal. I have learned and I am still learning in my caregiving experience.

John Patterson is a caregiver who shared his thoughts with us.