A Question of Visitation

August 12, 2020

4:34 PM

Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief

I would like to share a letter that a caregiver sent me recently for us to all be able to answer and offer comments.

Her concerns represent many of the comments I have heard privately from caregivers with loved ones living in the community and I am pleased and proud to share today’s column with her.

From Patricia:

During this 2020 Pandemic, could you share your advice about when to visit elder (91 year old & 88 year old ) loved ones- as they are aging In place in their home?

We do not want to put them at risk by visiting them. Also, they have several people from their community coming in and out of their home to help with food, groceries, lawn care etc.

Some wear masks and some do not. Our two dear loved ones never wear masks themselves.

Sadly, we have not seen either of our loved ones in person since his 91st Birthday - before the pandemic.

We have heard of lots of families going ahead and visiting their loved ones- only to learn that later Covid-19 took the lives of several of their family members: We now have a grip on a "Healthy Hesitation" about visiting our loved ones, but of course we want to do more than just talk on the phone together.

Should we continue to be patient and just wait it out? Please share your thoughts about when we should go ahead and visit our loved ones?

Thanking everyone in advance for your advice and comments.

Patricia, thank you for sharing your concerns. All I can say is that you came to the right place.

Comments (3)

Comment Feed

Visit or No Visit

If your elderly loved one says please come visit, then do so, and wash your hands upon entering the home. Ask if they prefer you to wear your mask, and if they say they are comfortable with you taking it off, then remove it while you sit and talk, a few feet apart. It doesn't matter if its 2-3-4 feet either, just do not sit close, don't be hung up on regulations, just use common sense.

Jeanie Fraser more than 3 years ago

Visiting loved ones

I have a lot more than 3000 characters of thoughts on this but let’s see what I can do..... Let me start by saying my 96 year old mother with end stage dementia lives with me, in my home. She has non family care givers that have been constant and do not see other clients. Neither I nor they wear masks around her as it is too frightening for her. Family stayed away for the first 2.5 months of the pandemic and I was grateful however some time in the midst of this I realized she and I were merely existing as she was not able to see the ones she loved. As none of them were participating in risky behaviors and their circle of interaction was small I encouraged them to visit. At first it was awkward and I was afraid that maybe I had made a mistake but once I saw her reaction to family I knew my choice was correct.
In our situation, which is not everyone’s, it is important to keep her safe but also to keep her engaged with family. She may not be able to say their name on command or converse with them but unconsciously there is a part of her that lights up when she sees them and for that I am grateful. It makes the decision to keep our door open to our small circle so much easier and less guilt ridden.

Betty Mitchell more than 3 years ago

A question of visitation

We have not visited with our three daughters and their families in person since we began sheltering in place. However, we are comfortable with the current situation for various reasons. We GroupFaceTime with our daughters and their families on the weekends. We also do individual family visits sometimes. We continue to send emails and photos/videos. The older grandchildren even email and write letters and send drawings to us.

There is no comparable substitute for an in person visit, but this is adequate for the time being. One of my sisters dines with her adult children in their yard or in some outdoor space in between their homes while maintaining distance and wearing masks when not eating. Each bring their own food, utensils, and chairs. We hope there will be multiple safe and effective vaccines available to us before or by spring/summer 2021.

Fay Wang more than 3 years ago