The Caregiver Curmudgeon Chronicles: Doctor’s Office Episode

Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief

According to the American Heritage^® Dictionary of the English Language, there are two definitions for the word curmudgeon.

The first one being:

An ill-tempered person full of resentment and stubborn notions.

Or, my personal favorite:

A crusty irascible cantankerous old person full of stubborn ideas

Gee, I love the sound of that.

How about some more self-styled curmudgeon wisdom?

If your loved one is to have a procedure (even in-office) make sure to ask about the ramifications. Will they be uncomfortable? Will this hinder their movement in any way? How long is it to take? And of course, what are we trying to learn from this procedure?
Be kind to the office staff, even if it is really difficult thing to do. They can make your life a bit easier when dealing with the doctor’s office or much more difficult. Sometimes it is a very hard thing to do as they may not seem to want your kindness, but it is always noted. Never ever (no matter how much you want to do so) curse or yell.
When you have your 20 minutes with the doctor, make like a girl/boy scout and be prepared. Have your questions ready and let them know up-front you will be asking some. Don’t feel foolish asking for clarifications ow what they are saying. They are the ones who are not serving you by not communicating well. Ask if you can record the session for your fellow family members so you are not playing a game of caregiver telephone.

Doctor, we at the caregiver curmudgeon army and we are ready, willing and able to help you as you provide care for our loved ones!

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Comments (13)

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Caregiver Curmudgeon

My late wife broke her arm at the nursing facility a few years back. The hospice doctor gave her a Rx for pain. 18 days later she had not gotten a dose of that medication that had been at the facility's office for those 18 days. On day 20 she finally received a dose and and for the first time she had a peaceful look on her face. My daughter, an RN, was at the hospice doctor's office when he opened and explained the situation. He ordered her to be transferred to another facility. She spent the last 13 days of her life without pain.

I had assumed she was getting the pain medication but a worker pulled me aside and told me what was going on. Her boss had been trying to tell me earlier but I was not putting 2 and 2 together. The facility office's explanation was that the doctor who she was under the care of did not order it. Two workers told me that this person had said on two occasions "I know someone who can use this."

I filed a report with the state and then I received a letter that they could find nothing wrong. I called and talked to the inspector and found out the unit was not recognized as being part of the facility. I took all the information and gave it to a highway patrolman who said he would get it to the proper people. I later learned that the state had shut down that unit. It meant there were a lot of workers laid off because it was being operated illegally. I had no problem with those workers as my problem was with management, Gary, if this makes me a "curmudgeon", so be it.

Wilson more than 2 years ago

Thank you

From the Curmudgeon and all the folks at caregiver. Thank you for your kind words. Please share and stay tuned. The Curmudgeon will ride again. Again!

more than 3 years ago

"They understand inherent disrespect"

Thank you for making the point about standing up for our LOs when others act as if the LO isn't in the room. Although my mom's FTD has robbed her of most speech and comprehension, she can still read tone and body language and remains an adult who deserves respect. Our #1 job as caregivers is to ALWAYS be a fierce and fearless advocate for those in our charge.

Lisa Craig more than 4 years ago

Hospitalists

They are the worse. Years ago when my dad fell in the driveway, the doctor said - in front of him - 'why don't you just put him away? Do you want to deal with this from now on?' Well the hospital had discharged him too early and he had delirium, which then caused the fall ( he had been on strong pain medicine) He didn't fall again until seven years later. The doctors who have never seen the patient cannot distinguish between hearing problems and dementia. They haven't seen them enough times to even judge WHAT their mental state is.

Sherri more than 4 years ago

Good Points

Sorry your alter ego had to come out to get some very good points across :)

I would add one more thing to the awesome list you shared...

As your loved ones primary caregiver YOU know them the best...esp since you are with them all the time. If something is bothering you, follow that gut instinct ...God gave them to us for a reason

KD

KD Berge more than 4 years ago

On caregiving and the MDs

Don't you just love the commercials that will say "tell your doctor if..." A good MD should KNOW, but how easy it is in their rush to get as many patients seen in a day due to the healthcare "system" to scroll through and miss something, or if you are seeing different MD's at competing systems...no one should ever take age as an excuse. And I learned a long time ago, better not to ask "why" questions, and to phrase things as "what' questions...What's the reason for this, what will happen if I do, if I don't? What alternatives are there etc.

Robin Rosner more than 4 years ago

Return of the Caregiver Curmudgeon

EXCELLENT article. Thank you so much for reiterating this very important advise. All too often we caregivers and my client caregivers leave doctor interactions wishing that had asked why, or reprimanded the doctor for their use of language. While caring for my mother, a stroke survivor with aphasia, all too often the doctor would address only me and act as if my mother was not even present! UNACCEPTABLE and I let them know it.
Yesterday in speaking with a neighbor who's husband was in the hospital after surviving a stroke she said that several tests had not been run because the "specialists" couldn't agree. I told her to go in ask for the hospitalist and insist on a meeting with everyone. I also told her to record the meeting to refer to later.
We all have rights and that includes sounding like a toddler and asking why until you and your loved one are satisfied then so be it!

Lori Lemasters more than 4 years ago

Caregiver Curmudgeon

So enjoyed this article and see it all the time when I have been in the hospital ER and office visits with any of my seniors. Seniors need an advocate and we as caregivers need to be just that and insist on going into an exam room or ER room with a senior-your loved one you are caring for! You are also correct in NONE of the doctors know what the other is doing and someone needs to know for the client/your loved one. I keep a three ring binder and take notes, and request copies of clinical records for my review. Ask questions, ask questions and expect answers that you understand! Thank you.

Rachael Craig more than 4 years ago

Transitioning Care-Binder

Excellent advice about the binder. I had a client who was 61, Native, and developmentally challenged. She had knee surgery. My binder in this case was like my bible. I kept anything and everything in this binder. My client lived with another lady who had many physical challenges and I always had to report back to her. The binder with all my notes, doctor's instructions, test results, etc. made the transition of care back to primary caregiver very smooth.

Charlotte l Cameron more than 3 years ago

Right on.

Right on

John Bartch more than 4 years ago

Drug Interaction

Good point! This is why doctors request you bring in your pill bottles or list of medications and if you have been in the emergency room in the last 30 days. I was prescribed an antibiotic and I knew I was not to consume milk, ice cream or anything with calcium in it within 2 hours of taking that antibiotic. I was taking SlowMag (which the doctor knew) with my antibiotic and I was not getting better. I began researching online and finally found that SlowMag contained a high level of calcium - and I was taking both at the same time. I informed the doctor what I found and he gave me another Rx which worked this time. Medical supplements need a requirement to list contents on the box.

Currently (Covid) some doctor offices/hospitals do not allow anyone but the patient in the office or emergency room. With Alzheimer's patients someone needs to be present and with the required medical background/papers to share the medicine list. You also need one coordinating doctor who is informed by any doctor who the patient sees.

Wilson Haynes more than 4 years ago

Amen

Great article. May I share on my website?
In joy,
Linda

Linda Sue Burhans more than 4 years ago

curmudgeon

Sometimes you have to be a curmudgeon to be a fearless caregiver

beverly kidder more than 4 years ago