Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief
I received a call recently from a dear friend and a true Fearless Caregiver. She wanted to meet for coffee as soon as possible. We met at a downtown coffee shop the next day. She has been participating in the Fearless Caregiver Conferences in her community for many years. During the sessions, she has always been a strong shoulder for her fellow caregivers to lean on, sharing really outstanding advice and heartfelt follow-through.
This day, as we sat in a booth and sipped our hazelnut flavored coffees out of fancy Styrofoam cups, she seemed sort of “out of sorts.” Her concern had to do with her dad who lives alone, but benefits from in-home help during the day.
She was concerned about the care he was receiving, not only from the home care aide, but from the agency personnel who was tasked to manage his care. Although she was hearing all of the seemingly appropriate sounding answers from the staff, their actions did not measure up to their words. They would insist on stopping by to see her dad and introduce him to new in-home staff when she wasn’t there, which she had absolutely required them to do.
She felt that more importance was placed upon closing files and pushing papers than providing the best possible care for her dad.
As she spoke, it was obvious how much this situation concerned her and that she really wanted my advice on what to do. We went over some possible strategies that she could implement. Utilize the three-word bomb “Who’s your supervisor?” Make sure that the “powers that be” in the agency management were made aware of her concerns and that she continued to maintain direct involvement and oversight of her dad’s care. We even discussed investing in a nanny-cam for her peace of mind.
These are all great concepts and I am glad that I was able to spend time with her discussing her options. The funny thing was that she already had all of these answers and came up with every one of these solutions herself as we spoke.
It was a nice afternoon break with a friend I greatly respect and I was quite glad to offer my own shoulder for her to lean on.
This coffee klatch reminded me of two important things about family caregiving. For friends and loved ones, sometimes the best help they can offer a family caregiver is just listening. And for family caregivers, it is always best to share your concerns with those who care for you. Isolation is a true killer.
This is one case where the less I said, the smarter I seemed.
I can live with that.
Share your thoughts, stories, advice and wisdom in the comments below.