The Caregiver Test

August 1, 2022

1:00 AM

I share this letter from a reader because it highlights an issue about which I am quite serious. There are NO textbook perfect caregivers or caregiving situations.

Dear Gary,

Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief

“I have an elderly mother who lives in assisted living, but I visit her at least twice weekly to take her to appointments, the hair salon, eat out, etc. I am amazed at those featured in your newsletter, on your website and in your magazine who sacrifice SO much. I don't think I could do that. Then I started wondering, is this a 'dirty little secret'? If it hasn't been discussed, I think it should be. There are those of us who either cannot or will not, for various reasons, take on the huge job of daily caregiving. I treasure the time I have left with my mom, and we joke about a lot of things related to aging; but I also know it would be a strain on both of us to live together.“

You are no less a loving caregiver if you are an involved and caring long-distance caregiver, supportive secondary caregiver, or a daughter who knows that caring for Mom at home is not the best answer she has to offer, for her or her mom. I would like us all to turn to the last principle in the Fearless Caregiver Manifesto (Feel free to read it out loud.)

The test to see if you qualify as a caregiver is a relatively simple one and can be found within the word itself…and it has nothing to do with how close you live to your loved one.

Here is the test…Do you CARE as much as you know you are able and do you GIVE of yourself to those you love who are in need?

Okay; that was simple for most of us. Let’s be daring and go for an advanced certification…Do you CARE as much as you can for yourself as well?

Now, that’s the test of a true and Fearless Caregiver.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Comments (4)

Comment Feed

Full time caregiver

I am a full time caregiver for my son with severe autism. Most days are good, some not so good. I take him to his partime jobs, doctors appointments and such. Most of the time we are home.
I believe when trying to decide about caregiving for anyone, what’s best for the individual is the way to go. I also worked outside the home as a caregiver and I’ve seen too many family members get frustrated with the person in need because they were wore out just coming once or twice a week. Not everyone is a caregiver and there is no shame in admitting that.
Have a blessed day!

Bonnie Hogard more than 3 years ago

Re: Caregiver Test

Yes, yes, and yes! While many of the Fearless variety know this, deep within, it’s definitely validating to see it expressed so well. The bottom line is that all of an individual’s loved ones aren’t necessarily family caregivers. But, those who are sprout and blossom to support in ways that are best, not only for the one requiring care but, as has been said, themselves as well. After all, it’s not ALL about one person, as tempting as it is to allow it to become.

Zenobia Bailey more than 3 years ago

Caregiving Rookie

I became a caregiver in 2021 when my 93 year old father, with on-set dementia, incurred a brain injury due to a vehicle accident. I left my home in Kansas City, MO, drove to Lincoln, NE, then packed up and moved my father to Hill City, KS, where he and I currently reside. Fortunately, I had retired in 2015, allowing me the availability to do this. My wife, bless her heart, instructed me to do whatever was necessary to take care ofmy father. This meant, though, that I had to leave her back in Kansas City to "hold down the fort". My sister comes from Kansas City about every 3 months to give me a break, which allows me to go back to Kansas City for about 2 weeks to be with my wife and take care of necessary business. I had to jump into this with both feet, not knowing how deep the water was or how long I would have to swim. But it's an honor to serve and care for the man who served, cared for and mentored me. It's the least I can do. At 94, I can see the dementia taking over more and more. I've been asked regularly, just how long will you do this? My answer is always the same: until dad passes away. This is my mission. This is my calling. This is my duty. Amen!

Roger Napue more than 3 years ago

Rookie Caregiver

Roger, bless you for jumping in and doing what needed to get done. So many of us are in it for the long haul. I care for my 97 year old mom on my 4 days off (I work as a nurse three days a week). I share the responsibility with my sister (who is also a nurse). We work opposite days to make sure mom has 24/7 coverage. It’s much easier with someone helping to share in the job. “Just how long will you do this?” For as long as it takes!

Shelly more than 3 years ago