Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief
At a recent Fearless Caregiver Conference, we started the day by asking what questions are most important to our caregiving attendees. A lovely retired teacher came up to the whiteboard and wrote down the questions being thrown about the room. Which, if you ever saw my handwriting, you would know that she was doing a favor for the entire room.
One of these questions came from the wife of a man living with Alzheimer’s disease. She was looking for advice about how to get her husband to refrain from repeatedly asking her the same question. Her question brought to mind my dear friend, the late Dr. Richard Taylor, who wrote the book Alzheimer’s from the Inside Out. After his diagnosis, Richard helped form a special interest group of people living with Alzheimer’s for the Alzheimer’s Association. He also wrote a terrific weekly newsletter and traveled the world speaking to, for and about people living with Alzheimer’s disease.
I remembered seeing him about ten years ago, speaking before a packed house of family caregivers, at the Leeza’s Place in Broward County. A caregiver asked Richard how she could stop her husband from repeatedly asking about their destination whenever they were to go someplace. The exasperation she felt when relaying how she answered the same question over and over within a short time span was mirrored on her face as it grew redder and redder as she spoke.
Richard walked up to her and gently said “I do understand your frustration, but please remember that every single time you answered your husband's question was the very first time he remembered you asking it. So, instead of receiving a simple response to a rather benign question, he would only see your increasing frustration and anger without understand why you were in such pain.”
I recall vividly Richard’s words to the caregiver which were to, “Enjoy the fact that he is cognizant enough to talk with you, because his ability to communicate will someday disappear, and you will miss being able to talk with him.” She hugged and thanked Richard profusely.
I was pleased to share Richards words of wisdom from a decade ago. I think he would be pleased to know that he was still helping family caregivers so many years after his passing.
To truly and effectively work together against this horrible disease, we all must be heard and all parties' voices respected.
Please join us next week at the Ocala and The Villages Fearless Caregiver Conferences. Bring your questions!
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