Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief
When my dad became ill in 1990, I would come home to Miami to visit almost every month, but it was not until returning to Florida full-time to help care for my grandparents that I knew what a “black hole” my mom had been living in during those past few years. She had become a nurse, insurance expert, medication manager and social worker to first my dad, and then, her parents, each day creating more opportunities for fear, stress and depression.
We caregivers know a lot about fearlessness. When a disease or illness enters our lives, each day becomes a struggle for the soul of our family. These battles are waged in doctor’s offices, radiology waiting rooms and midnight trips to hospital emergency rooms.
So, what can you and your family do? The same as caregivers always do: stand up for your loved ones needs among your family members at the same time you advocate for him or her in the healthcare system. Acknowledge when your loved one is tired or unable to be around others for prolonged periods of time. Know what support you need from your friends and family and how to piecemeal out these responsibilities and most important of all, take care of yourself.
Do not forget to communicate with your loved one and your family members about your fears. Fear can grow to a point where it chokes your family’s ability to share feelings as tensions mount. The world can all learn a lot from caregivers; we have been at war with fear, grief and depression every single day as we fight for our loved ones’ health and well-being. We just need to remember to fight for our own health and well-being, as well.
Things for Caregivers to Start Doing Now
Keep records of all medications and reactions. Make notes about what works, what doesn’t and when you informed the physician of any problems.
- Keep records of all doctor appointments: the reason for the visit, the doctor’s responses to your concerns, any procedures performed, etc.
- Plan for the unexpected. Discuss plans and wishes of everyone involved in the caregiving family. Talk about final resting places and what arrangements your family will want.
- Have advanced directives filled out and given to the primary physician and all relatives who may need the forms.
- Have a Last Will and Testament completed or updated: without a signed will, the courts will decide how to distribute the possessions of your loved ones.
- Keep a record of where all your important documents are kept. When an emergency or tragedy occurs, locating information should not be where we spend our thoughts and energies.
- Do not isolate yourself. Isolation is a real killer for family caregivers. Make sure you find an appropriate, well led support group- and go regularly. Go to conferences and seminars that might be supportive to your caregiving, but also maybe where you might even have a bit of fun
Caring for yourself is Job One for any family caregiver, after all, who will step in for you when you aren’t there anymore due to taking yourself out of the circle of care?
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