I lost myself... Once there was a women that had no worries in the world Life was once a bowl of cherries for her Her only worries were her child's activates and what fun events were in store for the weekend Life was easy: get her child ready for school, go to work, make dinner, and enjoy the night with the family I lost myself … A day before her 25th wedding anniversary, her mom went into the hospital with kidney failure Mom was in the hospital for 4 months, at this point her dementia progress quickly Mom came through with kidney issues, but something changed that would change her world forever I lost that woman, but found myself. I lost myself … Life was different for me, I had a new job title – caregiver – but had no idea what that meant At first, it meant talking to Dr’s about dementia and getting my Mom extra help at home I was her health care proxy which meant I made decisions for her health I lost myself … The last trip to the ER was when I lost myself in the truth that my Mom needs more than my care She needed 24 hour care. I search high and low for the best nursing home for her, one that specialized in dementia I found her a place that worked for her, but the hard work just began I lost myself … Today, I’m in a constant worry about how she is doing, is she safe and happy Mom has lost all privacy and is asking for family members that have long passed She is confused as to why she is there, She always says, "I’m fine, can I go home today?" I lost myself … That woman that once had no worries, now has more sad days then happy days She tried to cover it up with laughter and changing the subject, but deep inside she was hurting She went along the day doing everything she needs to do, while inside, secretly wanting to go hold her mom hand and tell her how I wish life was different I lost myself… I did lose myself while caring for my Mom, the mom that dementia stole from me I have many sad days that I tried to cover up with a brave face I’m pissed at Dementia and everything about the affliction With all this, though, I would never change a thing I will always care for my Mom I lost myself, but I found a new caring, loving, giving self that I thought I never was.
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