Carenote from Karen

February 26, 2018

12:27 PM

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns.

Caregiver Burnout

My mother is in denial that I need help as her caregiver and I am severely burned out. She refuses to get help, allow anyone to help, or believe that I need to get away. What should I do?

Karen

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Comments (4)

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Need hellp for Karen

I cared for my mom for 17 years it became to stressful, plus I was working and caring for my husband. I was at work and I was having a stroke sitting at my desk, please take care of yourself, it will burn you out if you do not be careful. Take time to go and get a massage, or a facial. Go out to lunch with friends, you do need the help you cannot do it alone. Trust me I have been there.

Diana Kenner more than 7 years ago

Karen you are in-charge of your Mother now be in charge of yourself!

Karen, you must take care of yourself or you will not be able to take care of your Mother. Time away will renew your spirit and renew your Mother's appreciation of you.
Do not feel guilty it is part of caregiving that is often over looked.

Dottie more than 7 years ago

Carenote from Karen

I realize that every situation is different but with my Mother - I was able to use the "excuse" that I needed some time away and also would need someone to care for my animals. So, I had a friend (we trade animal care) who is a nurse start stopping by for "animal" instructions and while here, we visited with Mom. After a few coffee visits, Mom was comfortable with her. Now I am able to go away for one or two nights, my friend takes care of the animals and I have comfort in knowing that she has eyes on my Mom at least two or three times a day from a medical perspective. Perhaps you might be able to find someone like this who could actually stay there? Interestingly, my Mom now winds up calling her when I am gone to tell her if something is out of ordinary at house. Blessings to you - hard to go against their desires, but take care of you!! Also, there is a book called Boundaries that helped me a lot.

Valerie Loy more than 7 years ago

Caregiver Burnout

Hi Karen:
Believe me when I tell you I truly understand where you are at. The best thing you can do is tell your mom that you love her, but that you need a few days away and will call to check on her from time to time. Don't ask if its ok, just tell her you need to get away. Then just do it and when you do call to check make it short and sweet. You absolutely need and deserve some down time. Do not feel guilty, guilt cannot come into play here. It is very difficult to take care of someone in denial, but you know in your heart that they can't be alone. Make arrangements for someone (maybe a family member) just to stay for a long weekend and then go away. A change of scenery will do you wonders. You will come back refreshed and in a better place to deal with a difficult mom.

Patty more than 7 years ago