Carenote from Carole

September 10, 2018

11:51 AM

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns.

Still Angry After Caregiving is Over

My mother passed away a year ago from Alzheimer's. I was an angry caregiver. Could not figure out how to deal with the anger. I am still angry! Will it ever go away? Carole

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Your anger is valid!

Hi Carole, AD is a soul-robbing disorder, not just of your loved one, but also of us as caregivers. I can understand the anger. I think the first step is in understanding why it's there. When I have my fits of anger, I detach myself from it, give it a little face, and I have a conversation with it. You're the only one who knows why it's there and how to finally release it. My anger was related to the shame I felt about feeling helpless. I didn't know how to help more than I already was and I was exhausted. It wasn't fair. When I asked what my anger needed, the answer was "release". I took that to mean that I could release my anger and my shame. That it was ok to release it and that I could choose to let it go. It definitely wasn't a magic pill, but the more I did this process, the easier it became. And my relationship with my loved one improved. I hope that helps.

Jessica May Tang more than 7 years ago

Still Angry after Caregiving is over

I got a lot of help going to a mental health therapist after my Mom passed this year. There were a lot of emotions unleashed that I really couldn't understand, after 10 years of caring for her. She helped me sort out where some of the emotion were coming from, as everyone grieves differently, and especially with a long, intimate caregiving relationship.

She also helped me to take into account the person my Mother had been her entire life versus the person she became at the end of her life due to vascular dementia.

It will definitely help you to resolve your issues, so that you can move forward in your life from this past experience, especially if you are treated by a good mental health professional. I would recommend someone licensed and with lots of experience behind them, especially in adult family relationships and grief counseling.

Shari more than 7 years ago