Carenote from Diane

October 27, 2017

12:49 PM

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns.

Carenote From Diane

I work as a Home Care Caregiver. My job is fulfilling. When I come home from work, the caregiving continues as I also care for both of my parents who are 95 and 94. They both refuse hiring a CNA to help out with cooking cleaning, shopping and errands! Not to mention they are alert and oriented. I need help. Any Suggestions?

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Carenote for Diane

What worked for me with my husband was to explain to him that it was what I needed. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of them. For me, it was saying things in a respectful way that lead them (spouse or parents) to believe they were taking care of me.

Amelia more than 8 years ago

Carenote from Diane

This is difficult. You're use to doing as your parents say. So, you need to take control. Get the help you need. Explain to them if they want you around to help and not laid up yourself from exhaustion, they need to allow you to contract for outside help. I went through a similar situation with my father and mother, but I didn't insist on proper help with Dad and he died alone in the hospital. I will never stop feeling I let him down. With Mom I simple took charge (at one of her weakest moments). She berated me, accused me of many things, but lived a lot longer than Dad and started telling others (not me of course) how lucky she was to have me in control.

Essie more than 8 years ago

Carenote from Diane

Most people who are cared for at home don't relish the idea of a "stranger" coming in to help with their most personal care. They would much prefer that a family member did it. But there comes a time when the family member can't do it all. I would hire someone to come in and start having them do non-personal care. Let your parents get to know the person, then gradually have the person handle more of the care. If your parents still balk, be frank. Tell them that accepting home care will keep them at home. Otherwise they may have to go to a nursing home/assisted living/whatever. It's hard to put your foot down with your parents, but you need to do it. They will get used to the person quicker than you think, especially if the caregiver develops a nice rapport with them. Good luck!

Donna Weissman more than 8 years ago

Caregivers require trust

Hi!I have been a caregiver for my family and agency,,group home and facility for at least 7 years..you have to know..that a caregivers job is base more on trust and hardwork..it is not an easy job and little pay? EACH AND EVERY CAREGIVER IS LIABLE FOR AN INDIVIDUAL'S LIFE..IT IS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY FOR LITTLE PAY..So for me,they should raise the pay of caregivers,ok?

Maria Cecilia Degan more than 6 years ago