Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief
As I have traveled the nation over the past twenty-five years, talking with my fellow caregivers at Fearless Caregiver Conferences, national events, seminars and even on airplanes, it has become clear that the only way for caregivers to accomplish all we must with regards to our loved ones care is to not only work with their care team, but to actually become an integral member. (or, as we like to call it, becoming the CEO of Caring for Your Loved One, Inc.)
Your loved one’s doctor lives by the hippocratic oath, the social worker by the Code of Ethics, and the nurse, by the Florence Nightingale pledge. As these other members of the team have ethics and principles to live by as healthcare professionals, we formidable and fearless caregivers also need and deserve our own guiding set of principles. So, we developed one, which we call The Fearless Caregiver Manifesto.
Over the next few weeks, and in no particular order, I’ll be highlighting some of the elements of the ten Fearless Caregiver Manifesto principles and how they are being applied by family caregivers, starting with Principle Eight:
I will fearlessly develop a personal support system of friends and family and remember that others also love my loved one and are willing to help if I let them know what they can do to support my caregiving.
Recently at a healthcare luncheon, the conversation at my table turned to (go figure) caregiving. I guess it was an obvious turn since everyone at the table was either a family or professional caregiver, or both. As we discussed the concept of partnering with your parents (as opposed to parenting your parents), we talked about the challenges of long-distance caregiving.
Nadine, who lives across the nation from her elder parents, spoke of her folks and their fierce independence. She had determined that the best option for them was to hire in-home care, but as soon as she would hop back on the plane to return home after hiring an aide for them, her dad would promptly fire her.
One thing Nadine noticed on a subsequent visit was that the couple who lived next door to her parents had stepped up and now acted as their own informal care team for her mom and dad. They stopped by often, making sure that they were safe, had the groceries they needed and basically tried to keep a watchful eye on them.
Nadine, the resourceful caregiver that she is, contracted to pay these caring neighbors for their time and efforts. This ensured a respectful and watchful support team for her parents without them feeling that they were being “managed.” In this manner, Nadine actually created a sense of “transparent caregiving” for her parents. They were protected, yet still maintained the sense of independence that they desired.
With her first goal accomplished, she also wanted to ensure that her mom, who was truly the primary caregiver for her ailing father, was able to receive some special respite on a regular basis. So every few months, Nadine would purchase tickets for her mom and her mom’s best friend to entertainment events that she know they would appreciate. Then each time she visited home; she would take her mom shopping for a nice dress to wear on her special night out. Recently, they went to see a Josh Groban concert. Her mom is still talking about that one.
Talk about Formidable and Fearless Caregiving!
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