Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief
I contend that anyone who has faced their own mortality at some point, including me, thinks of the human size hole they will be leaving behind.
I had my first meeting with my oncologist a few months ago. (hard sentence to write, but welcome to my new world). Turns out that the gastritis I was dealing with over Thanksgiving was actually stomach cancer. Spent time in the hospital for them to do surgery.... and then came the chemo....Fun.
There are a few things that come to mind when my traditional role as caregiver switched to care recipient. First, I didn't want to do this to my loved ones, Second it got me thinking that in my role as caregiver advocate and host of hundreds of Fearless Caregiver Conferences, I have been dedicated to supporting family caregivers, sharing their stories, gleaning their advice for one another, and helping them as they care for their loved ones.
But I never knew how to take the conversation to the next level when it concerned their loved ones they care for who are not living with cognitive challenges.
The contract that you can create with a loved one with cognitive challenges, has to do mostly with making sure that they feel that they have some control over thier lives... that they are in some ways still in charge. Difficult but extremely helpful.
But with a loved one who needs your help and is not cognitively challenged, I know now that the conversation needs to be bi-directional. As I mentioned, like so many others in my position, I don’t want to do this to my significant other and extended family, but I do need their help and they do want to help. I came to realize that my job is to hear what they have to say without (too much) complaint and do what I can to help myself. In this case, push myself to eat, exercise and even walk, no matter how much I’d rather stay under the covers.
This new relationship between caregiver and new care recipient needs tending to with honest and open conversation and an abiding ability to count to ten before responding to some things that would have been absurd even weeks ago.
In this case, the contract between parties is ever changing with the only constant being love.
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It is with the heaviest of hearts that we announce that Gary Barg has entered hospice. Please read and share Gary's column above and share your thoughts and wishes in the comments box below or via email.