CareTips

May 10, 2017

3:05 PM

The best ideas and solutions for taking care of your loved one come from other caregivers. Post your ideas and insights in the comments below and check back often to see what other caregivers have posted.

Comments (31)

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Long distance caregiving

Group FaceTime and Zoom would help with staying in touch by being able to see and hear not only with the one being cared for, but could even be present during doctor visits, physical therapy sessions, etc.

Confidentially more than 4 years ago

Can anyone help?

Hi, I'm an Irish woman living in Ireland. I have no family here so I'm planning on finally living my dream and moving to the US in one year. Could anyone advise me on what would be the best course I could do in the US (Florida) that would certifiy me as a live in carer and also certifiy me to work in a retirement home. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Love and light to all.

Tracey more than 5 years ago

Support for caregiver

Reaching out to any businesses that give support councilor to the care giver.. However, any services help the caregiver while trying to go back to work. While waiting on the Government Funded programs to approve my mother which receive all the benefits. My mother has dementia she is 97 years old.. Looking for assistance due me unable to return to work...

Rhonda Earl more than 6 years ago

Early Dimentia

My husband has early dimentia, I was told recently since he has had a couple of mini strokes and 3 seizures. What is it I can do to help him and help myself during this journey. what is it I need to be prepared for.

teresa more than 6 years ago

Early Dimentia

We require all our caregivers to be dementia trained. I would recommend going to ALZFTN.org. It has some good information under the caregiver resources tab. I hope this helps you and your husband.

Brian J Leriger more than 6 years ago

Correction to website

I believe Brian meant to type alzfdn.org??

Tara J more than 6 years ago

Crabby Sister

I am trying to help my sister. She is a depressed widow, negative about everything, and losing her sight. She took care of my Mom before she passed and expects me to take care of her now the way she took care of my Mom. That was 20 years ago. We are only 3 years apart in age. She is 71 and I am 68. I can not do the things I did 20 years ago. I have tried to explain to her that I am old too, but she cries and says no one wants to care for her. I think she is pushing my buttons half the time but I can not be sure and she calls me crying to get me to rush over there and I find out she just needs me to drive to the store for aspirins and beer. She was never a really good housekeeper and it is getting worse. I can hardly stand to go to her house its so filthy. What are some options here? She refuses to go for counselling.

Sheri more than 6 years ago

Crabby Sister needs help.

I am sorry to hear that your sister is so crabby. From what you posted, it sounds to me that her manipulative "poor me" attitude has been a long term behavior. She's been successful with it. Each time she behaves like this you respond the way she wants you too. The problem is that you become resentful and she is unhappy with herself for resorting to such tactics. She is operating from a "fear and loss" perspective. She is going blind, she feels alone, and is scared. You probably feel disrespected and imposed upon. Maybe you feel that all she wants from you is what you can do for her. Neither of these perspectives are the basis for a healthy mutual relationship.

I would kindly suggest that you talk with a good counselor in your area, perhaps someone in your church or someone who is qualified to help in situations like this. You may benefit from learning other ways of responding to her needs that could replace the manipulation and resentment.

Getting her to go to counseling is probably futile. Why should she? What she does is working for her. You, however, have the insight to see that the way the two of you relate to each other needs to change. You have the desire to change. The fact is that only one of you is needed to change the "rules of the game". When you do that, both of you will probably discover a much better way of relating to each other.
I believe that you truly want to help your sister. From what you've written, she needs the help.

There are numerous resources in most communities that may be able to help you learn better ways of responding to your sister. Churches/Synagogues/the United Way, etc. often provide sort term education and counseling regarding relationship issues. Also, there are numerous websites, articles, and books that can help. A couple of resources that I often find helpful are Drs.Henry Cloud and John Townsend; Steve Arterburn, and the American Psychological Association website.

I hope some of this helps you. I wish you well and I commend you for your sensitivity to your sisters needs.

Lee more than 6 years ago

Crabby Sister

I would suggest that you contact Elder Care in you city and them do evaluation visit and see what services she qualifies for. She may be able to have some light housekeeping/shopping/etc. done for her. as well as other things. She sounds like she wants company as well ans that doesn't have to be you!! Good luck. ;-))

Dorothy more than 6 years ago

Crabby Sister

I'm happy you are able to be there for your sister. One of the greatest rewards is when family member are willing to help each other. My advice to you is don't allow your sister to place a guilty trip on you concern what she done for your mother. Let her know you are not taking care of her because of what she has done for your mother. You are there because you love her and you wanted to do all you can to help her. Do want you can and asks other family or church members to take some of the pressure off you. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

John more than 6 years ago

Daughter of a deceased WWII veteran,

My Father is a deceased WWII veteran, my Mother is deceased. I am 59 and on full disablity. I have had 2 back surgeries and severe sciatica and spinal stenosis in lower back and lower neck and get back injections and neck injections every 3 mths.
Am I entitled to any assistance finicially for someone to clean for me, which I cannot do, help with all inside and outside, to pay someone to drive me to all my dr appts.
I know there is financial assisance for this, I wondered if I could get any help[

Karen Berry more than 7 years ago

Daughter of deceased WWII veteran

I think their absolutely programs that could assist in this for you. Depending which state you are in. If I'm not mistaken, if you have medicaid, then you would be eligible to have home health come in and do some light housekeeping and assist you with daily tasks. I would contact your local social services to see what services you may qualify for.

Kelly Burrell more than 5 years ago

Pain in late stage

My husband makes grimaces and grits his teeth and looks like he is in pain. He is in a wheelchair and cannot tell us where it hurts. Any explanation?

Melanie Brent more than 7 years ago

Help in getting money back from fired caregiver 😎

I need help getting money back.from my ex.he didn't do the job.,😎

Veronica Dixon more than 7 years ago

who pays?

My sister has been living with my dad since my step mother died past. 18 years. He has always paid for most or part of her way. Been on trips etc. The past 10 years he has medically been going down hill and shes always been the one to see to docs and everything to help him. Basically his non legal caregiver. He is becoming worse. She doesn't want to put him in assisted living for fear he would give up and die. question...since she is living with him and he is paying half her freight does that make me financially responsible to bring in a caregiver? I feel shes has gotten all the perks while I've been the black sheep! Now she wants out. I'm 64 half disabled myself. What about my financial well being if my husband dies?? What if she has all my dads money stashed? and wants to go through ours?? Not happy and don't trust her!!

Deborah Jones more than 7 years ago

Power of attorney

Deborah is you father still about to understand what's going on around him, have conversation and follow along and actually remember? If he is capable of understanding,he needs to set up a medical power of attorney and A WILL! I can't for the life of me under, the importance of a will. Now for you and your husband, the living spouse has all the say, they essentially power of attorney. It is up to you and your husband to to step up get your affairs in order to prevent just this type of thibg

Becky more than 7 years ago

power of attorney

I waited too long to get power of attorney for my husband and now no lawyer will do it because he is non compos mentis. I'm told I must declare him incompetent. This sounds awful. Any advice?

Linda more than 5 years ago

heart surgery recovery

Husband had heart surgery and is mean and sarcastic to only me. Doesn't want to share anything with his recovery with me, wants to do everything himself. He is nice to everyone else.

Natalie more than 7 years ago

Mean husband

Let him do himself. The more he sees he cannot do for himself he may nice up. On the other hand maybe he can do for himself and you may be a little impatient he takes too long. Let him. Walk away. My mother had a whistle so I can return when she needs me instead of standing over her.

Mary more than 7 years ago

Caregiver for my husband.

I am the caregiver for my husband. He has Parkinson's disease. I have had fibromyalgia since my 30's. How can I continue?

Marion more than 7 years ago

Wheelchair bound husband

How to handle wheelchair bound husband

Donna Bender more than 7 years ago

Shaving Problem

My father is 92 years old and having problems shaving because of flabby skin and shaky hands.

What is your suggestion?

Kathy more than 7 years ago

shaving problem

Kathy, I found that asking your father to assist him and demonstrating how to pull his skin with one hand and carefully shaving the area of his face that needs shaving slowly will give him the encouragement that he needs or going to the barber periodically will also give him some confidence. Nothing like a close shave and good smelling aftershave!

Sheila more than 7 years ago

Shaving problem

We found the easiest razor for my very elderly dad is the One Blade. (from ?Gillette). It doesn’t give quite as close a shave as a Gillette disposable with shaving cream - but if he shaves at least every day or two with the One Blade, he won’t even need shaving cream so it’s a simpler option and I think harder to knick himself with. It runs on a charger. My dad’s caregiver liked so much using it to shave my dad that we got one for her husband (who had significant health issues too) and he loved it too.

Chocolate more than 5 years ago

Remembering Meds

I take epilepsy medicine. I am noticing I am forgetting some doses. I have tried alarms on my smart phone, and alerts. What else is there? I live alone, am 65 and in good health.

Lou Ann more than 7 years ago

rememebering meds

Contact your doctor.as them for a nurse care team that will help you manage your medications , offer free . to patients each clinic should have one.

Tami Cole more than 7 years ago

Remembering Meds

You are on the right track with reminders, but separating your prescriptions out into specially marked containers - either with the days of the week (and one for each time of day), or a container with the times listed (am/pm etc) can also be very helpful. It also allows you to track whether you have already taken your medications.

Penny more than 7 years ago

remembering meds

There are also electronic medication management devices. You or someone else loads them weekly and a they only open when a dose is due, they have an reminder alarm and if you don't take them they automatically call a back up number. Look online for the one that may work for you

Lisa more than 7 years ago

Remembering meds

Check with your pharmacist to see if they provide special packaging. Many pharmacy's offer compliance packaging, which separates your prescriptions by date even time.

Jana more than 5 years ago

Can you believe it?

I care for my mom and my dad and I was just recently told that I am sinning seeing my nakedness of my father. I am his care provider and I know what the word says. It says don't look upon the nakedness of your mother and your father but does that really have anything to do with caregiving? Really people are so dumb.

Terry kellner more than 7 years ago

Can you believe it? Yes!!

Terry really they are DUMB! It's not tbst you're looking on him in LUST! You have an God given assignment. People are always gonna have something to say and will take the word of God out of contents. I had to take care of my father and I was more embarrassed than he was. Terry dont worry about what people are saying Honor your parents and do your assignment. Hope this helps

Rosa Lee more than 7 years ago