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My Mother Doesn’t Listen To Me! The New Role Of Eldercare Mediation

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As a geriatric care manager, I am considered an expert in issues relating to the elderly.  However, where my mother is concerned, I am just a daughter who cares.  She often takes the advice of friends and even strangers over mine.

So now she has become the caregiver for her boyfriend, a man diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  Though I have been watching him decline, and discussing the disease process with her, she still does not want to believe that he can no longer take care of himself.   Recently at the doctor’s office, he was told that he could no longer drive, and needs someone to visually see him take his medications.  He has sent away the aides that were hired and needs to move to an assisted living residence.

My mother does not live with him, nor does she want to take on that kind of responsibility.  She cannot make this man move when he thinks it is unnecessary.  She has been communicating with his son who lives out of state and he has not come down to help.  He has been comfortable having my mother look after his father and does not want to accept that she can no longer do this. 

I see that there is a place for an eldercare mediator.  There is a breakdown of communication between my mother and his son, and caregiver responsibilities need to be clarified.  Since neither one of them will listen to me, another professional needs to be called in to help.  I know other geriatric care managers that are also certified mediators.

What Is Mediation?

Mediation is a process in which people meet in a private confidential setting to work out a solution to their problem with the help of a neutral person (a mediator).  The mediator is not a judge, does not decide who is right or wrong, and does not force the parties to accept any agreement or terms to an agreement.  Instead, the mediator listens to the parties explain their concerns and helps them develop and agree upon a workable, mutually acceptable solution.

Eldercare Mediation deals with any conflicts involving seniors and their families. Sometimes children argue about their parents’ care. Sometimes seniors argue with their children. When the conflict begins to deteriorate relationships, a mediator should be called in.

Why Try Mediation?

Mediation is private and confidential. Participants can express themselves in a safe situation where the other participants listen. Mediators keep the focus on the issues so that families can move beyond underlying problems. Exploration of different options and creative problem solving is encouraged. They become empowered and design their own agreements. Older persons participate if able, which gives them maximum control over basic life decisions. This approach is non-adversarial.

What Kinds Of Issues Can Be Mediated?

How Successful Is Mediation?

In a recent study, 8 out of 10 cases were successfully resolved; 8.5 out of 10 mediated cases were followed through by the parties. The success rate is so high because the solutions are designed by the parties themselves. Even if an agreement is not reached, the parties will walk away with clarified issues and a better understanding of each other’s viewpoints.

Why Do Geriatric Care Managers (with mediation training) Make The Best Eldercare Mediators?

Unlike lawyers, who have specialized knowledge of elder law and legal issues, geriatric care managers have specialized knowledge of elder care. We know what successful aging is, understand the healthcare system, know the local resources for seniors, understand housing options, insurance, and the different types of home health services. We can talk about end of life decisions and discuss palliative versus aggressive care. The utmost important goal is to provide the highest quality of life for our elders and can offer different options to achieve this.

Professional geriatric care managers are generally nurses and social workers with extensive experience working with seniors. We can evaluate and assist families in determining what course of action will provide the best care for their loved one.

For distant families, we can oversee the entire scope of care for our clients. We are on call 24/7 and keep families informed of changes. We provide peace of mind for families, as they know there is someone there to manage any situation that may arise. We are client advocates.

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