SC Barg
Let me ask you something…
Have you ever felt like you’re supposed to have it all together? That there’s this invisible standard out there for what a “good caregiver” looks like… and somehow, no matter how hard you try, you’re falling short of it?
Some people call it caregiver guilt. Some call it burnout. I think part of it comes from something deeper — something we don’t talk about enough. This belief that somewhere out there, there’s such a thing as the perfect caregiver.
The Perfect Caregiver never...
- loses patience
- forgets a medication
- feels resentful or worn down
This mythic figure somehow manages to care for their loved one, hold the family together, manage appointments, paperwork, insurance calls… and still has a smile at the end of the day.
I’m here to tell you this — that person does not exist. Not in hospitals. Not in homes. Not in support groups. Not anywhere.
There was a woman I met after one of our Fearless Caregiver Conferences — I remember it like it was yesterday.
She waited until most people had cleared the room. Her bag was slung over her shoulder, but she held it like it weighed more than just the few things inside. Her voice was quiet when she spoke, almost like she was worried someone would hear her say it out loud.
“Steven… can I tell you something?” She took a breath, and her eyes filled tears mixed with exhaustion. “I yelled at my mom yesterday. She asked me the same question for the fifth time and I just… lost it. I felt awful. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am… but all I feel is tired. And guilty.” I put my hand on her hand, looked her in the eye and told her what I am telling you.
- You don’t have to be perfect to be loving.
- You don’t have to smile through every moment to be strong.
- You don’t have to carry guilt.
Your presence is already the proof. Your caregiving is proof. Caregiving. It’s not a checklist. It is a deeply human relationship — and human relationships… are messy. They include laughter, frustration, moments of grace, and moments you wish you could redo.
Caregivers are often treated as unpaid professionals, expected to keep up with the knowledge of nurses, caseworkers, pharmacists, insurance specialists — and still be the loving family member, full time employees, in relationships with their spouse and family at the center of it all. No one — and I mean no one — can hold all of that without feeling the weight.
A good caregiver isn’t the one who gets it all right. A good caregiver is the one who keeps showing up. Sometimes courage looks like scheduling an appointments for specialists who could bear bad news. And sometimes… courage looks like stepping into another room, putting your hand on your heart, and whispering, “I am doing the best I can today.”
I’ve been privileged to meet caregivers from every walk of life.
- Military caregivers.
- Spousal caregivers.
- Long-distance caregivers.
- Adult children caring for parents who once cared for them.
Do you know what they all had in common? Not perfection. Presence. They were there, and sometimes, being there is the bravest thing a person can do.
So the next time that voice — that myth — tries to convince you that you’re not doing enough… Remember this: You, just as you are — is enough,…human, caregiving and trying the best you can. You are the caregiver who is there,who keeps showing up. You are the caregiver who is present guided by love.
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