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The Caregiver’s Dilemma
If you are a family caregiver, chances are you’ve heard the phrase, remember to take care of yourself. And if you’re like most caregivers I’ve met, your first thought is… Exactly how? When a loved one needs constant attention—doctor’s visits, medications, meals, companionship—the very idea of self-care feels like an impossibility.
But let me be clear: self-care is not selfish. It is survival.
You should think of caregiving like long-distance running. No one expects a runner to sprint a marathon. They pace themselves, they hydrate, and they refuel along the way. Yet too often, caregivers try to “sprint” caregiving—pouring every ounce of energy into their loved one without replenishing themselves. The result is burnout, resentment, anger and even a health crisis of their own.
Please do not run past this article because you think that I/we do not know what we are talking about when we say, Take care of yourself first, or take your oxygen first. We get it and we know that it is not an easy task.
I encourage you to read a book called Take Your Oxygen First written by TV Personality and Alzheimer’s Activist Leeza Gibbons, Dr James “Jamie” Huysman, licensed clinical social worker and psychologist and certified geriatrician Rosemary DeAngelis Laird, MD who came together to share information on this exact subject.
What Self-Care Really Means
Self-care doesn’t have to mean exotic vacations or spa days (though if you can, take them!) More often, it’s simple, daily practices that restore your energy, steady your emotions and remind you of your identity outside of caregiving.
Here are a few realistic strategies I share with caregivers:
- Take micro-breaks. Even five minutes of fresh air, deep breathing, or quiet reflection can lower stress levels.
- Move your body. Stretching in the morning, walking around the block, or dancing to a favorite song counts. Physical activity releases stress and boosts mood.
- Eat with intention. Caregivers often grab whatever is easiest. Small improvements—like drinking more water or adding fresh produce—can significantly impact energy.
- Guard your sleep. Even if uninterrupted nights are impossible, short naps and consistent rest routines help. Sleep is not optional; it’s medicine.
- Find emotional outlets. Journaling or conversations with a trusted friend can ease emotional weight.
Additionally, and what I feel is most important – attend a support group. Support groups meet in person or online where they are frequently available late at night. If you are nervous – don’t put your camera on—just listen. You will find that you are not the only one going through what you are going through and, who knows, you may pick up some tips and resources.
Caregiving isn’t meant to be a one-person job
Many caregivers feel like we have no choice but to shoulder everything ourselves. That’s why building a “care team” is essential. We can’t imagine anyone else stepping in, even for a short time and feel guilty even thinking about the possibility. Remember that you are the CEO of Caring for Your Loved One, Inc. And a good CEO always knows how to delegate.
In weeks to come, I will share much more on the steps to building a care team. including a powerful game that we play at each of the over 300+ Fearless Caregiver Conferences —The Reverse Gift List.
Letting Go of Guilt
One of the biggest barriers to self-care is guilt. Caregivers often feel that if we’re not constantly giving, we’re failing. But here’s the truth: taking care of yourself is taking care of your loved one. The more balanced, rested, and centered you are, the more patient and compassionate you can be.
When guilt creeps in, remind yourself that caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. To keep going, you need to replenish your strength.
Closing Thoughts
Self-care is not about indulgence. It’s about resilience. By making small, intentional choices each day to restore your mind and body, you not only preserve your own well-being, you ensure you can continue offering the love and support your loved one depends on.
I’ll leave you with the words of an amazing caregiver and healthcare activist, Dana Reeve, whose legacy continues in the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation. Dana shared this advice, you need to find time for a mental bubble bath… strive for a few moments for yourself every day.
Whether it is asking your son, grandson or a friend to stop by for 1 hour so you can sit on the balcony with a cup of coffee or glass of wine or walk into the wood somewhere and scream.
DO IT! Find time to restore yourself. Become a Fearless Caregiver.
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