tis the season
Beginning in November and fast-forwarding to January, the calendar is filled with holidays for people of all nationalities and religions. Whether it’s stockings hung by the chimney with care or five little dreidels spinning merrily, the activity from Thanksgiving to New Year’s is a whirlwind. For family caregivers, the formerly fun and festive fracas can add a level of stress and depression that is preventable and can be controlled.
A stunning 50 million people are caregivers for friends or family members in any given year. Family caregivers represent 80 percent of all in-home care. Translate that to changed lives and daily regimens that are not by December what they perhaps were the previous January, and there is a new way of doing things that must be learned. The resulting chaos can bring with it conflicting emotions, resistance to change and even nostalgia for the way things once were.
People formerly labeled as mothers, daughters, sisters and wives or as fathers, sons, brothers and husbands are now also family caregivers. Add to that the fact that many of these people are also employees, all with outside activities and friendships for which they are responsible, and the new facet of their personalities becomes a cutting edge that must be incorporated into what for many is already a too-busy life. Its sharpness can bring disillusionment, anger, frustration and even despair as ways of integrating it into established routines prove formidable.
The holidays have long been known to be a time of year that can breed depression and sadness for those who have perhaps lost loved ones or are suffering with an illness or the effects of an accident. Family caregivers, charged with helping them work through these challenges, must do so while not forgetting their own needs. Integrating new responsibilities into already busy lives, they can quickly become over-committed and forget about themselves and their needs. Forgetting to take care of themselves, sometimes until it’s almost too late, the result can be burnout, complete emotional exhaustion and a sense of futility.
It is imperative for caregivers to remember themselves at a time when there seems to be no time for anything else. Therapist Patricia Novick cautions caregivers to take breaks by stimulating their immune systems, regaining perspective and enriching their spirits. They should surround themselves with small rewards that may mean something to only them and stay in touch with the knowledge that there is more to life than we usually acknowledge.
Expectations should be scaled down at holiday time. Planning for annual celebrations should be simplified, traditional but time-consuming activities eliminated. Says Jill Jarvis of Georgia, “I try my best to simplify without dropping our traditions. In our family, now it is only the children who draw names and buy gifts for the person whose name they choose. Adults get a free ride, only having to show up. I try to think whether something is really important to do or possibly not worth the time it takes.”
Additionally, caregivers should feel no remorse about taking shortcuts, perhaps ordering a holiday meal instead of cooking it, or shopping online. Decorating can be simplified. In fact, one woman noticed the delight that her mother, a victim of Alzheimer’s, had in witnessing the lights on the Christmas tree. This is such a simple happiness.
And at a time of year when gift-buying is traditional, caregivers should purchase gifts for themselves as well. They should ask for help, learn to delegate and to say no without hesitation to those who would ask for more time than they’ve got to give, take time off and, most of all, laugh. Caregivers must remember that in the midst of confusion and sadness, it’s okay to be happy.
Indeed, ‘tis the season to be jolly. Go ahead. If you’re a family caregiver, be sure to celebrate and don’t forget yourself. After all, you deserve it.
Great Holiday Gift Ideas
Your loved one has entered a new phase of life, one that can prove difficult for gift buyers. Many things once quite desirable are no longer appropriate, and gift givers often find themselves confused about options, wanting to give and yet reluctant to give the wrong thing.
Consider these ideas:
- Stuffed Animals Having something to cuddle is a wonderful addition to the life of seniors.
- Music (vinyl records, cds, mp3s) or Audio Books Books on Tape Soothing music can help quiet restless spirits, and Books on Tape are an ideal alternative for older eyes that may have trouble reading.
- Books With Pretty Pictures Colorful pictures can provide hours of entertainment for older relatives who may no longer be able to read comfortably.
- Gift Certificates for Hair Salon, Pharmacy, Taxi, or Ride Share These practical and repetitive necessities often tax those whose incomes are limited, and gift certificates are a ready answer to the question of how to fund them.
- Comfortable, Washable Clothing, Shoes, Slippers, Socks Comfy clothes for a sedentary lifestyle, particularly items without buttons and with elasticized waists, are perfect for those whose ability to dress independently may be challenged.
- ID Bracelet or Necklace This great idea protects while it bedecks. An older relative will enjoy feeling pretty, and you’ll have the peace of mind of knowing they’re completely identifiable should they wander away from their customary surroundings.
- Bulletin Board Filled with favorite photos for those whose memories may be challenged. Pictures from their long-ago past, might generate real enjoyment, as long-term memory seems to stay intact longer with conditions like Alzheimer’s.