That Vexing Driving Issue

I know that mobility has many meanings to family caregivers, wheelchairs and walkers first come to mind. But, the mobility issue that may be the most challenging of all, is what to do when your loved one should no longer be driving. This topic covers the issue of isolation, potential loss of self-respect and even well-being. In fact, it can even negatively affect your loved one’s health, if traveling for their possibly many doctor’s visits becomes untenable.

During the Q and A sessions at the Fearless Caregiver Conferences, I always ask the attendees to hold the driving questions to the last half hour, since it generally swamps all other concerns. My contention is that most families know that their loved one should not be driving for at least six months before acting and their loved ones know they should not be driving for at least a year.

So many times, the challenges include being able to communicate your concerns without your loved one immediately shutting you down, as well as having a viable replacement to the mobility that the car offers. Yet, if you make a list of all the costs associated with driving, including maintenance, fuel, tires, repairs and taxes, you would find that figure represents a significant pool of money that can be applied to solving the transportation challenge. Not to mention the risk associated with having a loved one on the road who shouldn’t be wheeling around a ton of metal. One of the concerns that face us as family caregivers is how to take away the keys, hopefully without taking the direct blame for the loss of their car.

One year at the Nashville Fearless Caregiver Conference, a young man stood up and told the attendees how concerned he was about his mom’s driving. He did not know how to successfully broach the subject, since, as he said, “she’s a strong lady.” But by the time the Area Agency on Aging professional and the elder attorney on the panel were able to respond, at least 10 caregivers offered their clever solutions to their own driving issues.

The thing that stays with me about that day is when the attorney on the panel said, “If your loved one hurts someone with their car and the injured party’s attorneys find out that you already knew your mom shouldn’t be driving, they will take away your house.” Once she said that, the young man walked out of the session to call the Tennessee Department of Transportation, then and there.

Although the driving issue is indeed one of the most vexing challenges we face as family caregivers, there are many options available for you to be able to pocket those keys.

Share how you were able to solve the driving issue in the comments below