Return of the Caregiver Curmudgeon
There is no time like to present for a message from my crankier alter-ego.
Here we go.
Please do not assume that doctor A knows what doctors B, C or D have prescribed for your loved one at any particular moment. This becomes even more of a truism when doctors F, G and H all only saw your loved one in the hospital. As the cardiologist, neurologist and even primary doctors change, add and delete medications from the list, make sure to fire up the old fax machine and share a simple medication chart (meds, frequency, dosages) with all the doctors involved. They are grateful and sometimes even surprised at what is in the mix.
With the fear of repeating myself, do not let anyone make assumptions about what your loved one’s cognitive situation should be due to their age. I stop anyone in their tracks when I hear “well, at their age”.
As a matter of fact, a few years ago, a doctor said to my mom “well, at your age….” I saw her face drop and told him to never talk with her again about age or frankly anything. In the next meeting with his boss, the primary doctor in attendance, I suggested that instead of saying “when dealing with patients “as old as you” that they replace the word old with the word beautiful, as in “with patients as beautiful as you…”
PS I like the word “client” better than the word “patient.”
- Don’t let anyone talk down or around your loved one, even if they are not able to comprehend the words, they understand the inherent disrespect.
- I can attest to the fact that when talking with a loved one with cognitive challenges, the truth will not set you free. For it only the truth in your world, and not theirs. Distract, deceive (loving white fibs), and delay should be in your conversational kit-bag.
- And finally, the word that should be ready on your lips when dealing with the healthcare community is “WHY?” If it makes you sound like a toddler asking why they can’t have ice cream for breakfast, so be it. Never take an easy no for an answer and question everything that seems wrong until you get the answers you need.
The Caregiver Curmudgeon rides again. Now, if only I can get some shut-eye….
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