Mike and Mindy - A Valentine's Tale

They heard about the Fearless Caregiver Conference in the news that very morning. Let’s call them Mike and Mindy (not their real names). I was in Tampa to host our annual Fearless Caregiver Conference and had an interview with one of the local television stations, which prompted their attendance. The expert Q and A panel at the conference was designed to enable caregivers to ask questions of national and local experts and receive immediate attention. My role was to moderate, educate and (hopefully) motivate.

At first, neither Mike nor Mindy asked any questions, it seemed as if it took all their available energy not to burst into tears. Finally, their story emerged; they had been primary caregivers for Mindy’s Mom, who lived with them for over 18 years before she passed away last fall. Now, his dad needed care. The rest of the story was familiar enough, no local family except for a brother living 30 miles away who might as well have been living on another planet. The question they finally asked that day was delivered in a low but plaintive tone “How can we get away, if even for a while?” 

To me, the answers were simple enough. Their community was at no loss for respite opportunities and now there are even cruises where you can bring your loved one with you. But, as I listened while they were given credible options for temporary relief, I realized something. These folks were too drained and too lost to be able to even hear the answers given. They were like someone who needed to gain muscle strength before being able to perform a strenuous physical task but were too weak and depressed to even start the exercise needed to develop the muscles to begin the task in the first place. 

I know that they received good advice that day and one of the agencies was committed to following up with them, but I don’t know if they will be able to find the energy to help motivate each other to the action they so desperately need. I hope so. 

The take home lesson for all of us who empathize with Mike and Mindy is that although they have consistently exhibited real love for their family members, the people they really need to turn their attention to this Valentine’s Day week (and beyond) is themselves.

I hope you have a Happy Valentine’s Day or as I like to say a Happy Care for Caregivers Day.

Share your Valentine Caregiving thoughts in the comments section below