Sharing Etiquette Wisdom (Redux)

Last month, I wrote the article, The Caregiver Curmudgeon: Physicians Etiquette Edition about the challenges we face ensuring the healthcare system treats our loved ones with the respect they deserve. I do want to preface this by saying I truly understand how hard most of our physicians and their staff members work for us and for that I am eternally grateful.

However, there are some communication challenges that I think can be worked on which should make patient care a better experience for their clients and family members. Some of the concerning interactions I highlighted in the article included a lack of consideration when addressing the age of their client, dismissiveness, lack of eye contact and only addressing the family members in the room, even if the client is cognitively sound.

I asked for responses and comments and boy, howdy, did ever get them! The interesting thing is that every response dealt with one issue and one issue alone. That is the insulting art of health care professionals talking past their client and only addressing the family members.

Please allow me to share some of these illuminating caregiver responses. (with a slight bit of editing for space)

MD Office BS! 

OMG, did you nail it. I have been dad's advocate/voice often due to deafness. He is going to be 102, is active and totally lucid. Sharper than his sleep deprived daughter, I dare say LOL. At more than one MD appt, tech addresses ME and asks ME if there have been any changes with his vision etc. I hope I am not visibly seething when I say, "I don't know, you'll have to ask HIM." We MUST report this stuff because too soon we will be on the receiving end of it.

Speak Up!

I accompany my mother-in-law to most of her appointments. She's in her 80s and has all her wits. She is hard of hearing, which makes some medical personnel think she is cognitively impaired. When that happens, we tell the person. They speak louder and it's usually fine. He primary care physician, during one visit seemed to be really dismissive of my MIL, addressing most of his comments to me. So I called him out on it. He apologized and has been much better about how he relates to my MIL. But golly, getting respect shouldn't be so difficult, especially in a teaching hospital. And don't get me started on how poorly medical offices are set up for people in wheelchairs or have limited mobility.

The Fine Art of Redirecting 

One effective tool is to break eye contact with the "professional" and look over to the older client. Even interjecting, "What do you think Mom? Does that sound right?" for example. Reminding the "professional" who's really in charge here...Mom is

KT

The first time this happened, I BOLDLY corrected the doctor RIGHT THERE! I was kind about it, but it really torqued me off! The doctor apologized PROFUSELY and NEVER did it again. The 2nd occurrence was with my husband's 1st neurologist. I saw him COMPLETELY ignore a patient asking him a question at the front desk as they were checking out. BUT when the family/caregiver asked, the doctor responded!!! THIS is why we immediately got a DIFFERENT neurologist!!! Now, IF ONLY this worked in ER settings!

LC

This is why I love to share the day with family caregivers at the Fearless Caregiver Conferences. I learn so very much!

P.S. Always open to more responses (below)