The Caregiver Curmudgeon: Comes the Walrus
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
John Lennon/Paul McCartney. I Am the Walrus lyrics ©Sony/ATV Music Publishing, LLC
I find myself celebrating Older Americans Month this year from a different perspective than ever before...as one. In March, I became a Medicare baby replete with a red, white and blue card which started me thinking about the process of aging.
It seems like only last month we were celebrating my 50th birthday at my favorite Indian restaurant and it seems no more than 5 years ago or so, that I was in New Orleans celebrating my 40th.
This roller coaster called aging that we are all on, can bring us together or isolate us as people. I was once the age of any of the younger folks listening to me and sighing “Ok, Boomer.” (I actually remember when Boomer referred to the youngest generation.)
My contemplation of aging is not to wistfully acknowledge that I now am fast asleep at the time that a younger me would be first going out or the recent siren call of an afternoon nap.
Rather, it is to find a way for us to better communicate with one another without siloing ourselves based upon who we see in the mirror. This is especially important for family caregivers.
How as caregivers do we help ourselves from infantilizing our senior loved ones, especially when they are living with memory issues? We certainly do need to keep them safe from harm, but can we create an environment where they still think they are valued for their advice and support, as they were so many years ago? For many of us oldsters, it hasn’t yet sunk in that we may be the ones in need of care as opposed to the ones in charge.
Is there anything they can do to be of service, even if it is only listening to our work concerns and offering what they consider sage wisdom. Or helping to fold laundry with us even if it is a separate basket of clothes with old socks and worn towels.
I firmly believe that the very last things that people respond to is who shows them love and who shows them respect.
This train doesn’t slow down for anyone as long as we are alive and one day everyone will be stopping at elder station, no matter how quickly the ride seemed to get us there. I would hope that we would want to be shown the same respect that we were afforded when we were younger and in charge of all sorts of important things.
We are all the Walrus - Goo goo g'joob
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