The Sweet Smell of Success

When I was younger, the sweet smell of success had an entirely different meaning for me than it does today. Then, it meant a great job, a tidy home, a working car, a fairly functional family, and a puppy. Now as a full-time caregiver and part-time writer, my definition of success might seem surprising:  it means that my house smells clean. Nice and fresh and squeaky clean! Sounds like a simple goal, right? Well, as a caregiver you know that sometimes you need strong superpowers to achieve seemingly ordinary goals.

My journey as a caregiver started seven years ago when my mom came to live with me. I am her full-time caregiver, and as most caregivers know, this is a journey that has a constantly changing landscape. Mom has many health issues and has lost her mobility, but she is a sweetheart, and I am grateful to care for her. Not to say that I don’t have my moments of hair-pulling and deep sighing (which my loved ones tell me that I do from time to time), but with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of feistiness at times, I am hanging in there. I do have a job, a house, a car that works, and a dog, but I have had to work at having a house that smells fresh because sometimes caregiving involves things that do not smell, well, all that good.

Most people know about that old smell…the one they never want to have. Well, let’s be frank; the “old smell” is small potatoes compared to some other things that come along when you become intimately involved with the care and maintenance of an older body that is not even yours. Caregiving has so many more smells than most other professions that I could write a very weird dictionary about it. But I digress. Let’s get on to the point here, which is how to deal with the many smells that will come your way as a caregiver. How to solve them and endure them. For this, there are some items that have the superpowers.

The best method is to solve the root of the problem, but even this might not be straightforward. One of the most notable mysterious examples in our situation was when my mom became incontinent, and we slowly went from her needing a sanitary napkin at night (oh the horror for her at first…I get it!) to the realization that she needed full time protection. When I first began helping in this “area” I noticed that her urine had a particularly strong smell. I tried to be brave, honest. I sprayed perfume, air freshener, and burned incense. However, these measures didn’t help until we learned the root of the problem during an emergency room visit.

The root of the strong odor was a very bad urinary tract infection, which my mom had probably had it for months! She had no other symptoms until she became suddenly weak and couldn’t seem to get out of bed. So, a cautionary word here; don’t just hold your breath in denial if your loved has a very strong-smelling urine. Get it checked out! There are even over-the-counter tests that could help, but a visit to the doctor is best.

Besides being sure there is no medical issue causing weird smells, there are ways to mask them so they are more bearable.  I made a discovery about this that was surprisingly simple and easy to implement. One of my very own vices was the key.  Ground coffees, lovely ground coffee in a little bowl practically neutralized every possible smell. Special organic flavored stuff isn’t needed; just the standard grounds will do. Anyhow, this was a great relief to me to find that coffee had another purpose besides keeping me awake and mentally functioning. Ground coffee and then good incense are the best odor maskers in my book. They truly have Superpowers.

However, as wonderful as this aha moment was, there is still that smell that lingers with the entire issue of incontinence. Sometimes I asked my husband if I smell ok after dealing with it. I tried many laundry products that are supposed to eliminate odors, to no avail. Then I found the solution and it was cheap, easy to get, and best of all, I had it on hand all the time! Bleach! Half a cup of bleach tossed in with the sheets, PJs, and bed pads makes all the difference. I know this is not earth-shaking information, but after trying many products, I was relieved to find that bleach did the job very well at a fraction of the cost.

I am also a firm believer in fresh air, so airing out the room for just ten minutes a day will make a world of difference. Believe it or not, even in subzero temperatures I have insisted on airing out my mom’s bedroom while she was in the living room during the day (I wouldn’t recommend a subzero airing with your loved one in the room!). I also used a humidifier at night and add those little vaporizing pads for minty freshness to help for the moment I open up the door in the morning. Having a great sense of smell is a mixed blessing for any caregiver, but it does take extra care to survive it while caregiving.

Perhaps one of the most effective ways of dealing with odors may seem strange, but it really works. Another practical hint is to breathe in through your mouth. This helps a lot. As you breathe through your mouth, try to smile at the same time. It is harder to do than you think, and adds a light little challenge to sometimes unpleasant moments! A little humor can go a long way in dealing with this part of caregiving, so feel free to tickle your own funny bone once in a while. Caregiving smells are not something you usually can chat with your friends about at coffee, when you have the luxury of doing that, so just know that you aren’t alone in feeling overwhelmed by them, and they ARE a big deal. And after your duty is done, run outside and get a big breath of fresh air on a walk or a bike ride if you can. You’ve earned that sweet smell of success, one breath at a time!