Seven Suggestions to Choose a Guardian for Your Special Needs Child
We love our children and we want what’s best for them, but most of us neglect to plan for what will happen to them if something happens to us. The majority of Americans with minor children do not have a will. Without a will, parents leave the courts to decide who will raise their children. Some parents delay writing a will because they run into issues when choosing a guardian. Here are seven common problems with choosing a guardian and seven possible solutions.
- Your Child Has Special Needs. You may be anxious about finding someone willing to accept the responsibility and capable of raising your child. But think of the alternative. If something were to happen to you, one of your family members would be thrust into the caretaker position unprepared. By choosing a guardian beforehand you give the guardian a chance to get to know your child, his routine, his needs, his doctors and your personal parenting philosophy. Make a short list of possible candidates and take them out for coffee one on one. Let them know your intentions and let them ask questions. They might be more open to the possibility than you thought and talking about it might make you more comfortable with their abilities.
- Your Family Won’t Approve of Your Choice. If you think your family would oppose your candidate for guardian, you should put your wishes in writing immediately. Without a will all family members will have the opportunity to apply for guardianship. Courts will not typically assign non-family members as guardians if family is available, unless it is expressly written in the will. Courts are not likely to overturn your choice of guardian. If you feel that your family will not understand your choice, explaining your choice in writing may ease tensions over your decision.
- Your First Choice May be Too Old. Your child’s grandparents might be ideal caretakers now, but you might be concerned about their health failing in the next 10 years. Focus on now. Estate planning documents should be reviewed at least every five years. If things have changed, you can choose a new guardian at that time. Meanwhile, you will have a plan in place just in case.
- Your First Choice Is not Fiscally Responsible The guardian you choose for your children does not need to manage their inheritance or their Special Needs Trust. If your ideal caregiver is not good with finances, hand over the purse strings to someone else who is.
- You Don't Like Your First Choice's Spouse. You may choose to name just one person in a couple as the guardian of your children. If the couple separates in the future, your children will still live with the guardian of your choosing.
- Your First Choice Lives Far Away. Many people move away from their hometowns for better job opportunities or quality of life. This increases the chances that your close relatives may live out of state. If this is the case, choose a local temporary guardian to take care of your children until your permanent guardian arrives. If keeping your child’s doctors, schools and routine is important to her health, you should ask if your potential guardian is willing to move.
- You Have Children From Different Relationships. If you have a blended family, your choice of guardian may be a little more complicated. You may want all of your children to stay together or you may nominate different guardians for each child. The important thing is to make the best choice for each of your children.
If you have minor children, you need a will. As a responsible parent you owe it to your children to assign a guardian you trust with their upbringing. If you need assistance, a knowledgeable estate planning attorney can help you write a will that meets the specific needs of your family.