Tips for Caregivers Pre-arranging Funerals with Clergy
As the baby boom generation ages and needs both caregivers and advocates, the topic of funeral arrangements looms on the horizon. The challenge, however, arises in the generational differences between the generations when it comes to organized religion. Caregivers may be serving older individuals that have gone to their place of worship every weekend. But to the younger caregiver, that faith, their customs, and rituals surrounding funeral planning may be alien.
In this article, we’ll discuss some basic things that the non-observing caregiver may want to be aware of as they work with clergy to help pre-arrange a funeral.
#1 – Know That the Clergy Member Wants to Make You Feel Comfortable
Regardless what religion, the clergy that you are going to speak to want you to feel comfortable talking with them and working with them. After all, you have a common goal – planning a funeral service that best represents the wishes of the individual in your care.
#2 – Find Out What to Call the Clergy Person
Depending on the religion and denomination that you are dealing with, they may call their clergy by a specific title. It’s useful just to ask, “What should I call you?” This simple question will avoid you offending the clergy member and will make you more comfortable, knowing that you are addressing them in the way that makes them feel at ease as well.
#3 – Get All the Info You Can to Take With You
One of the hardest things in sitting down to plan a funeral for someone else is knowing what they want. Unfortunately, often in the later stages of dementia that individual is not able to give specific instructions. If this is the case, talk to the family members and find out if the individual had written down instructions. Often, religious individuals write these instructions down in the flyleaf of their book of scriptures or in a supplementary notebook that is kept with their scriptures. If no such instructions exist, there are several other avenues of finding what they would have wanted.
- Is there a faith songbook that has been marked with their favorite songs?
- Are there specific, funeral-appropriate passages marked in their personal copy of the scriptures?
- What does the family recall about their wishes?
- What does their faith leader recall being told about their funeral wishes and plans?
#4 – Be Prepared for Cultural Differences
Culture doesn’t just have to do with people from different nations. Each religion, denomination, and church has its own microcosm of culture. Even if you are a regular attendee at your own church, synagogue, or mosque, don’t assume that the place of worship the person in your care attended will do everything the same as your faith home.
The other related tip is to be sure to respect the cultural differences that you do encounter – even if you cannot personally validate or support those differences.
#5 – Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Planning a funeral for someone is a finely choreographed dance between the caregiver, the family, the individual in care, and the clergy member. It’s important to over communicate in order not to miss anything and to make sure everyone feels heard. Get the clergy member’s phone number and email address. You will need both because you will have to call to update him/her on topics as well as collaborate on bulletins and any other handout materials for the funeral.
Want to know more about planning for your funeral or the funeral of someone in your care? Check out Jack Veale’s Sudden Death Checklist.