Finding Our Way Through Ambiguity
When I began caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s disease, I knew nothing about memory loss, Alzheimer’s behaviors or the intensity of need that caring demands. I was unprepared to make the necessary decisions and unaware of the emotional or psychological needs the disease would extract from my mother, myself or my family. Adapting to change in times of uncertainty, is never easy.
When a person loses their ability to think and remember, as my mother did, as are millions of other mother’s, fathers and loved ones–dependency becomes a way of life. Life-planning and executive function falls into the hands of often unprepared families. Family caregivers, dealing with Alzheimer’s disease face many uncertainties. Alzheimer’s disease has a course, but what arises along the way is often unpredictable.
In some ways, managing care is like managing any business. To be effective requires flexibility in the face of ambiguity. As in any organization with executive powers, ambiguity rises to the top of dementia care management–where large decisions must be made with weak data and little certainty.
Caregiver ease increases with a sense of control, but control and ambiguity form a challenging partnership. Ambiguity is unavoidable, yet, when uncertainty arises, not knowing becomes a part of growing. Learning is essential to effective decision making. Staying informed, open to new ideas and willing to experiment without attachment to outcome increases caregiver capacity. There are many ways to meet ambiguity in caregiving. Patience and flexibility will form key strategies. The following eight points are helpful to keep in mind when you find yourself grappling with ambiguity and flustered in uncertainty.
8 Keys to Managing Ambiguity
- Be clear about the problem you are trying to solve–Separate large problems into small parts.
- Research the problem at hand–Seek advice from trusted experts
- Ask questions–What will happen and what can I do about it?
- Build skills to manage symptoms–Separate disease symptoms from the symptoms of family dynamics.
- Create flexible expectations–Meet ambiguity with patience and experimentation.
- Release the need for perfection–Try new ideas but limit expectations.
- Experiment–Explore possibilities without attachment to outcome.
- Take action–Correct your course as often as needed.
The emotional challenges of caring are often discussed, but the positive benefits for family caregivers are also well documented. Overtime, Alzheimer’s symptoms progress and caregiving challenges increase. Staying present with all that arises, meeting care-needs as they evolve and remaining informed about the disease process increases understanding while building caregiver skill and strength. Crises moments will occur, but difficulties will also pass.
Adapting to changing conditions, allows caregivers to flow through ambiguity increasing the capacity for caring and building a foundation of resiliency. When I meet other family caregivers, I always look for the resiliency they possess. It is there, awakening and growing, in every single one.