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CAREGIVERS IDEAS / TIPS

Sharing Wisdom/Caretips:
Tips from Family Caregivers

The best ideas and solutions for taking care of your loved one often come from other caregivers.

Please post your ideas and insights here and we will share them with your fellow caregivers.


Share your Wisdom




Shared by: Renita
Richmond, VA
7/30/14

Weather may play a part sun up sun down its just like child baby u have to keep them peaceful show love show u are right there for them pictures reading outings spend time talk to them get to really know so you will know when something's wrong the signs pay attention just love them help make life good for them giving them something to look forward to be patient.

Also...What was it that they loved to do before they got sick then try to assist.


Shared by: Thelma
Shreveport, LA
7/26/14

I currently care for my mom, mother in law and my aunt and you really have to enjoy what you do, but you also have to take a break for yourself.


Shared by: Liz B.
Georgia
7/20/14

To Melissa in L.A.
All veterans (and their surviving spouses) that meet the requirements can apply for the 'Aid and Attendance Benefit'--a little known benefit for those who served during specific wars and time frames. There are also other qualifications. Go to Veteranaid.org for details on applying. I am in the process of filing. It is time very consuming. My 82 yr old mother broke her hip twice in less than two years and has fallen twice in less than a month at the nursing home. She currently resides in skilled therapy at a nursing home three states away. My intentions are to move her into my home at the end of her 100 day stay. This benefit will assist with at-home care as well as in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Hope this helps! I am happy to have found support here. A BIG Thank you to your father for his service to this great nation.


Shared by: Hallie
Bay Area
7/17/14

Ok, so I am answering my own question of a few days ago...regarding an elder and the TV remote: we have a whole home system thru DirecTV and my answer applies to those with a similar set-up. At the time of installation, have your TV tech set the elder's control to "deletion off" as well as the "sharing list off" functions. This will allow your elder to record and delete whatever they want on their own list of programs and that list will not be shared with you and your tv. You can have the same done to your TV so that your list of programs you have recorded and saved will not be shared with your elder and they won't be able to see and possibly delete your stuff. Since we have done this 8 months after the install, there are still our programs that may be accidentally deleted by my mother. In this case we will need to connect a DVD recorder to her TV and record to a disc all our programs still remaining on her list if we want to keep them. Sound confusing? Just contact your satellite tv provider for more info but do it before your elder moves in. Frankly, this should be marketed to homes with elders as it makes life much easier for all. Taking the remote away from your elder should be a last resort. God Bless!


Shared by: Hallie
Bay Area
7/15/14

My 85 yr old mother had to move in with my husband and me after being in a bad car accident. Her mobility is quite limited and she must use a walker, but does her own daily sf care. No driving for her and I cook and do her laundry. She is living in our ground floor bedroom with bath and has her possessions around her (edited, as she is a hoarder). Since she moved in 9 months ago she hasn't been able to understand how to use her remote control for her TV which is on the same account as ours and she keeps deleting our recorded programs. She keeps denying she did but our "history" on our sat. TV shows she in fact has deleted our programs. Anyone else dealt with this issue? Tips and/or suggestions would be gratefully appreciated. We took her remote away and she about blew a gasket! Thank you.


Shared by: Sylvie
sheffield, UK
7/3/14

Hi my dad had a stroke over 12 years ago and has always been a lovely man. However this past year he has started being very grumpy and stubborn. He have carers come in every day and he has been rude to them and also to my sister and his grandaughter making suggestive and serial comments. Help. Please!


Shared by: Rachael
7/1/14

My sister is in a nursing home 1200 miles away and I am the rep payee and POA for her. I need to travel this distance 2 times per year to assure her needs are taken care of. Can I be reimbursed for this travel; i.e. gasoline, motels?


Shared by: Joyce
MI
6/30/14

About 40 years ago my aunt was diagnozed with M.S. When she was informed of her condition she tried to take care of herself without government assistance. Now over the past 10 years her condition has gotten worse to the point where her left side of her body is no longer responding. She needs someone to bathe her, dress her, and even needs help with toileting. She has lost control of her bladder and bowl movments. Her brother and I are the only people who are helping her. We have asked for help through her insurance and the state of Michigan. The government has done nothing but made this even more stressful. My Aunt has worked for most of her life. She has paid into her retirment and now the government hasn't been paying her enough to even pay for nessesities. We have been tring to find ways to get more help but we have come up empty. It has gotten to the point that we need to go back to work but we can't afford homecare for my aunt. Help needed


Shared by: Sandy
Milton, WV
6/29/14

my brother lives in home with me, he is on medicaid wavior program i am his caretaker and get paid for caring for him.he is 75 years old. been with me 10 years, wavior program we went with wva. choice, but our state nurse said we could be on our own, not go thur any company?


Shared by: Sharon
Colquitt, GA
6/28/14

My husband, Larry Thompson had a severe stroke that has put him bedridden for the past 36 months. He went through having his skull removed and put back in and he is a totally different man than what I married. My brother, Burrell Beasley has been a great help to me. If not for him, I think I would have had a nervous breakdown. He is here when I need a hug, he goes to the store for me when anything is needed. He takes care of Larry when I am away. I am retired and able to spend some wonderful memories together still. I do have a Part Time job as a Hostess/Waitress at a local restaurant. I leave him alone only 4 hours and he feels so much confidence in just being alone. It has given him a reason to keep on trying. I need to be in touch with someone that understands what I am going through. Is this where I go?


Shared by: Yolanda
Houston, Texas
6/27/14

I am currently taking care of my son. 30 year old male that suffered a injury to leg. 3 surgeries. He has. 2 steel plates with screws on his leg. He can hop around to bathroom. Other than that I have to help him with everything else. I'm at wits end. How can I get him home to his apartment upstairs. Please give advice


Shared by: Joy
Canada
6/27/14

My husband was diagnosed on May 25th 2012. He was placed in Long Term Care Home. He always wants me to take him out of there. I have taken courses in Alzheimer's situations. Have tried what they taught us. Some of it works. Anyway, I try to tell him this is his home. He doesn't agree. So I said just ask God what He would have you to do. He says each time I go that God hasn't heard his prayer. So I pray with Him and then he is a different man. He is more calm and more loving than he was before. This was a crises situation I was involved with and having to put him in the home, hurts a lot. But the staff is great. He has settled down and is more at home when I leave. He is in the middle stage. His sight and hearing is being affected. I just pray that God will spare him the end result. His sister has Dementia too. Been in the home for 4 years. Now in the very very last days. Like a vegetable. Everything is done for her. I pray God will release Don from this happening. Thank you for listening.


Shared by: Ada
Albany, GA
6/27/14

Denise,
There are several gadgets and you can Google. Handicap hair washing tray is one. Another is an inflatable hair wash basin for disabled. Just enter what you need and several devices will pop-up and you select what you need and search around the enternet I am sure you will come up with the right assistive device.


Shared by: Denise
WA
6/25/14

I'm trying to find a solution to wash my client's hair. She can no longer get out of her wheelchair and so she can't get in the shower. Is there a gadget someone knows of to help out?


Shared by: Carol
IA
6/25/14

Ricky,
My mom is now 80 with progressive Dementia. I had the same hard time wondering how to take the keys away from her. My brother, sisters and myself all we did was talk about taking the keys away. We got lucky. Someone called the DOT and said that she hit something in a parking lot and just drove away. When it came to renew her license they wanted her to take the test. Well, she flunked 5 times. You can take it six. We let her drive without a license for about 4 months. That was hard just knowing she could hurt herself or worse someone else and have to live with the feeling of guilt for not taking away the keys. One day I finally did it. I told her I was going to borrow her car and put it in her garage. She was living across the street from her house in an elderly apartment complex. She didn't like it but that was about 3 yrs ago. She still thinks she has a drivers license and bitches about not having her car but she's alive. She is now at Sunny Brook in the mental care wing. It's hard dealing with memory loss. All I can say is hang in there. You are not alone. It doesn't get any easier. Good luck with everything.


Shared by: Donna
Connecticut
6/20/14

In response to Ricky:
I am So sorry and sad for your current situation. My Prayers & thoughts are with you. I am not certain what the laws are in your State, however here in CT one Must prove that another is no longer capable of operating a motor vehicle. ie: Dr reports, police "incident" reports, etc... as unfortunate as it is, You Must think about your Mom's welfare AND the welfare and safety of others. As difficult as it is You MUST do this. You may also want to consider going to your local Human Resource Agency or Disability Acts for the State of Georgia, to let them know of your "situation". PLEASE act Before the home or worse is demolished due to negligence on your part. I understand Completely.
May God Bless you & ALL that you love.
Most Sincerely, Donna


Shared by: Rebecca
Maynardville, TN
6/18/14

I have some suggestions for people who are 24 hour caregivers as myself who are seeking Financial help. If your loved one has insurance ...especially Medicaid, Tenncare or Medicare. Call the phone number for members on the back of their insurance card and then talk to an associate and tell them that you are a caregiver and you want to know if you can get paid for taking care of your person. They will tell you how to get that started.


Shared by: David
Beijing, China
6/17/14

My father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s at age 52, two months after he had retired. My parents are divorced so my father lives alone. With my Father being the independent and stubborn man he is, he tried to keep it hidden until it was visibly noticeable. At that point I had graduated from university, moved and started working in Asia and my brother was entering university far away from home. Our family had never dealt with anything of this nature and didn't know how to handle it, other than how my father did by just ignoring and not talking about “it”. Fast forward 3 1/2 years, my brother, 24, is graduating from university, starting his life and wanting to settle down 2,000 miles away from home where he has a once in a lifetime job opportunity. I am 7,000 miles away, on the other side of the world away and back and forth as much as my job can allow, which at this point is not enough. He had DBS surgery 4 months ago which has done miracles but not enough to prevent help with daily life and tasks that are becoming more and more difficult for him. His mental state is not all there either. It has become a home health safety issue but he thinks he is fine. He will not listen to anyone and many have in some ways washed their hands of trying to help or do all they can do. When I am not there, it is up to my mother who can only do so much legally since they are divorced and my 82 year old grandfather who has his hands full already with my grandmother who is handicapped from a stroke years ago. It’s getting to the point where he cannot handle it anymore. My Father refuses to listen, is probably depressed and insists on living his life like he is fine but rapidly fading away. Home healthcare comes a few times a week, not enough to help, at this point he needs to be in assisted living, knows it but will refuse it. I am 26, should not be having to deal with something like this at my age and feel tremendously awful for saying that, much less not being there as much as I want. I am at the point where I feel like I am going to have to quit my job and come home. I am out of options; do not know where to start or what to even do at this point. A friend just recommended this website. It is comforting to read other stories and know I am not alone. Looks like some good resources for reading and information. Thanks so much.


Shared by: Kris
Coatesville, PA
6/14/14

I moved in with my parents a year ago. My mom broke her leg, fractured her spine and needs a lot of help. I struggle with TBI myself and need help that does not cost anything. I am her caregiver and on SSDI from brain injury. I find the stress difficult so I am asking for information and real people to talk to about this. Help.


Shared by: Queta
Dallas, TX
6/13/14

As I read some of the posts, I'm reminded of my mom who passed away of diabetic complications. It was very hard for both my sister and I to deal with her illness and on top finding appropriate clothes for physical therapy after going through an amputation. I would encourage anyone having to help their moms, aunts, grandmothers dress to check out a new product called Fresh Comfort. They have velcro and zipper bras to make it easy to dress.


Shared by: Ricky
Rossville, GA
6/12/14

My name is Ricky, I have moved in with my Mother and My Brother, mom has Alz and my brother is bed ridden from a head injury. Until the last six months mom has managed to care for her self and my brother... My question is, How do I take the keys from her? Everyone says it's hers. Let her run thru the house if she wants to. SHE IS CONSTANTLY PULLING THE VAN IN AND OUT IF THE GARAGE. TODAY SHE TORE THE DOOR DOWN. WHEN I RAN TO SAY STOP MOTHER, SHE BECAME VERY AGGRESSIVE AND ALMOST RAN OVER ME. EVERYONE SAYS TAKE THE KEYS. WELL SHE HAS DRIVERS LIC INSURANCE SO I CANT TAKE HER KEYS, CORRECT? It's her property. Do I call the police or do I wait till she hurts someone? Taking her keys makes living here impossible. Her home is paid for. She has no debt. I do not want the state to put either one of them in a facility, but I am going down both mentally and physically. I don't get a break. I keep myself locked in my bedroom unless I am doing something for them. Its only going to get worse. Should I just take the keys or have the police do it, will they? She is the sweetest lady until you go and tell her she can't drive. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


Shared by: Sharon
WV
6/12/14

Keep an (updated weekly or daily as needed) ROUTINE of the Day for anyone coming in for caregiver respite. It may be easier to keep it on computer so changes can be made as routine changes are forced then printed for the relief worker on a day when they are coming in. It makes the person being cared for relax with the person when they don't have to answer lots of questions about what is next to do.


Shared by: Mayra
Orlando, FL
6/12/14

My father is 91 years old. He has been in the hospital about 4 times in the last 2 months due to the inability to eat and swallow. I strongly believe he has dysphagia however he lives in P.R. and me and my brother and sister are flying in the next following day. We are planning to bring him to Boston for best healthcare. In the meantime I would like to know if someone can assist and suggest a way to get him to get stronger prior to take him to the states. He drinks ensure, at this time eating some baby food. My mom is trying her best to keep him hydrated but apparently its not working. Any suggestions? Thanks


Shared by: Patti
Naples
6/10/14

I am new to this, well actually I have been running around to various doctors with my husband since 2009. We finally received the diagnosis in April, Fontal Lobe Dementia. My husband is 61 and I am 57, these last few years have been a never ending episode of House. My husband use to be a lawyer, he has a successful practce, he was good looking, dress well, very outgoing. I am just trying to wrap my head around this whole thing. We have a daughter that just graduated college and a son who will be a junior in high school. This has been tragic for our whole famly. I find myself crying everywhere. Watching the man I love fade before my eyes.


Shared by: Jodi
Utah
6/10/14

I'm 44 and my husband is 49. He has been physically I'll for about 14yrs. The Dr's first thought the dementia was from having multiple surgeries in a short period of time, then from alcohol/drug usage. Now they have no idea. It's worse when he is tired, stressed or sick/infections. His most recent trip to the neurologist was frustrating to say the least. His memory test score was 35, doing about 10 points in 4 years. The Dr said it wasn't alzhiemer's because his sight didn't decline rapidly enough, which is great however his episodes are getting closer and closer together and don't seem to have any of his normal warning signs. The Dr says there isn't anything they can do to help with the dementia. Its as frustrating as it is heart breaking. Some days, like today I feel like I'm chasing a 2 yr old. I feel bad for getting frustrated. I'm not sure what else to do. In the last month he took over 200.00 in cash, cashed his small disability check all of which he doesn't remember doing or where he hid it, bought a second go pro, turned the oven on broil, and left and/or turned on the stove top 3 or so times. I miss my honey. I am really just wondering if there is anyone out there dealing with the same stuff and are as young as we are and just maybe what we have in store for us in the future. Thanks for letting me vent.


Shared by: Cindy Tasker
Kalamazoo, michigan
6/7/14

I'm 58 yrs old. My mother has been living with me for 3 yrs. Because if her health issures she could no longer live alone. She is in a fixed income and has been a part of my rental lease as she has helped pay rent since she moved in. I have kept my job, but recently her health has gone downhill and I am told by medical professionals that she now needs 24hr care. She does not want to go into a nursing home and I do not want to put her there. I have to quit my job to give her the care she needs. I am already having financial issues, I need some financial assistant. I have no idea where to look for that help or even if it's available. I have until June 15, 2014 to make these arrangements. What can I do?


Shared by: Terry
San Bernardino, CA
6/5/14

I am caring for my mom and my cousin who just lost her mom whom she cared for many years has been my support system. She recommended this website.


Shared by: Zaniffah darbasie
Queens, NY
6/5/14

I am a home health aide. I am a people person. I love people. When I work with your love one I care for them like my mother or my father. I try to make them happy. I sing with them. I walk with them. I make him or her happy. I am an aid for the past 15years. I also trained with alzheimer's. Taking care of an alzheimer's person you have to know how to talk to them. You always have to talk to them. I miss them when I am not around them. They are like my mother and my father. They past...


Shared by: Linda
CA
5/29/14

Janice, is your mother drinking enough water? After the edema she suffered it would be understandable if she was reluctant to drink fluids, but laxatives can't work without water.

My own mother is prone to bowel obstructions but since she has a weak bladder is doesn't want to drink fluids as much as she should. I must remind her daily to finish the beverages I give her.


Shared by: Janice Brett
Maine
5/25/14

I hope someone can help me. I am new here and I am not ever sure I a posting in the correct area. My mother is disabled due to a hernia repair that went very wrong. She had a heart attack, shock, her body swelled with water 4 times her size like nothing I have ever seen. Blood clotting and infections that are back every single month. The single biggest issue is that I am up with her 24/7 while she is in such pain because she cannot go to the bathroom. There is not a food or med we have not tried. Most don't work yet cause hours of pain and cramping. Some work but the price is literally all day on the toilet to the point she is in need of rectal surgeryy. WHAT can I do? No GI doc knows because its all trial by error..they try and then try something else but she is still always so ill. Any suggestions to make this bathroom nightmare any better? If she does not get the laxative she claims the pressure on her bowel is unbearable.


Shared by: Leah
CA
5/24/14

To be a care taker is a challenge everyday, but such a blessing. It teaches us a love, we might not have otherwise known, we learn to die to self, and care for another that is unable to do for themselves. We are their hands that do not function, their feet when unable to walk, sometimes their eyes to lead the way, and their mouths when needed. We speak for them when they are not able, we do for them what they cannot do, we love them unconditionally. I am a care taker for my very sick son, who regressed with lyme disease, lost all functional language, in a pullup. and feeding tube for a time, used only now as needed, but still needs assistance in all areas of life. Sleep cycle is a mess, so care taking is around the clock, they do things that are different, and so they must be watched daily. I saw this on another site and it touched my heart. Though our diagnosis is lyme disease/early childhood autism, once considered recovered, but with lyme disease taking all our gains away, he is in a state much like alzheimers, so this is what I read yesterday and it touched my heart, it was found at a care taking facility on the door of a patient......... Alzheimers Patient request.......Don't ask me to remember, don't try to make me understand, Let me rest and know your with me, kiss my cheek and hold my hand. I'm confused beyond your concept, I'm sad and sick and lost, All I know is that I need you to be with me at all cost. Do not lose your patience with me, or scold or curse or cry, I can't help the way I'm acting, I can't be different though I try. Just remember that I need you, that the best of me is gone, Please don't fail to stand beside me, love me till my life is gone. This touched my heart, I hope it touches some of yours...


Shared by: Ada Brown
Albany, GA
5/22/14

I am the Family Caregiver Program Coordinator at SOWEGA Council on Aging in Albany, GA. I would like to take this time to encourage caregivers to take care of themselves. Caregivers often neglect themselves and become susceptible to illness such as depression, hypertension, anxiety and burnout. Caregivers need to manage self because you are responsible for your own self-care. It is important that you don't become a victim yourself. When you take care of yourself everyone benefits. Remember to keep your regular doctor's appointments and take a break for your caregiving duties. Also, it is important not to wait until you are hanging at the end of the rope before you ask for help. I encourage caregivers to take "Powerful Tools for Caregivers" class to learn as much as you can regarding caregiving. This is a wonderful class that identify the challenges of caregiving, provide tools for reducing personal stress, change negat ive self talk, how to communicate your feelings, anger management, guilt and depression. This class also give caregivers a chance to learn from each other by sharing who they are, who they care for, medical conditions, relationships and where they live. Each caregiving situation is unique however, they have a lot in common and many problems and concerns are similar. What's important is to realize as a caregiver you are not alone and help is on the way you just have to accept it.


Shared by: Kristeen
Wyoming
5/20/14

I wanted to add to Amanda's posting on 5/16/14;
Please seek some assistance. I work for a non profit hospice even if I can not personally help I do have information that may help the situation. Senior centers often have Dementia groups, counseling or information as well. Some assisted living centers offer respite for caregivers. Also if your family member is violent talk to the Dr. about medications. Find a doctor that specializes in geriatric care.


Shared by: Amanda
5/16/14

I wish I could help all of you. I recently became a Care Coordinator in MN and from what I'm reading, almost all of you sound like you could benefit from some respite. Sometimes the local hospitals have Caregiver Respite programs that can send volunteers to give you a break. Hospital Discharge Planners are a wealth of information as well. You don't have to be a patient to make a call to get assistance with finding resources. You can also check with your local county family service department to have someone do an assessment for services. Anyone can receive the assessment regardless of income. In some instances, insurance companies provide, as a benefit to the insurance, a Care Coordinator such as myself who can assist members and families to find the right resources to fit their needs. The Care Coordinator most likely will be associated with a state medical plan, not necessarily with private companies, but you could certainl y call to find out. Another route is to contact church parish nurses. They also are under utilized and can be a huge resource for people. Don't give up. There are many many resources out there that people don't know about but you have to get in there and dig for help!


Shared by: Evelyn Elster
5/15/14

Trust no for profit caregiving organization or individual in Michigan. Over the last 15 years I have encountered more criminals than I ever thought I could while attempting to care for my mother. The Nursing Home Association in Michigan has given Gov. Snyder $35,000 toward his campaign and now do whatever they choose, which ultimately is to separate the elderly from their life savings and stressing family members into oblivion.


Shared by: Sharon Miller
Onamia, MN
5/15/14

My mother is a fall risk. She is getting PCA care on a daily basis and the company she works for is starting to "let her fall" is that how homecare is supposed to treat her??


Shared by: Judy
Midland, TX
5/10/14

I am trying to care for my sister, 96 pounds and fragile. Three years ago she had a hip replacement and now has to have revised hip replacement. She just barely walks. I came from Dallas to cook and clean and take care of her dog. I brought my 14 yr. old blind and deaf dog with me and he had 5 seizures on our way here. Had to rush him to emergency. The problem is nothing I do is good enough or suits her. I opened the blinds too much, I didn't clear the microwave, I didn't wake up at 6:30 a.m. when she yelled at me to go the bathroom. I am at my wits end and am resenting her. I miss my friends and grandchildren in Dallas. She is even bad mouthing me to her two friends. What to do? If she has her surgery in Dallas after therapy she will be staying with me indefinitely. She will have my room and I will have to sleep on the floor with a very bad back. I am already at my wits end.


Shared by: Shelle
Florida
5/9/14

I have cared for my 23 year old autistic son all his life. Now in addition to his care I have been caring for my husband for the past year 24/7, he is a brittle diabetic with a left below the knee amputee. I also work double shifts on the weekends to provide for everyone. My younger son watches them on the weekends while I am at work. My problem is I feel so overwhelmed, I am a nurse all the time I never leave my job! It is all to much all the time, never a break, I work all the time, constantly.


Shared by: Kathleen Craig
Seattle, WA
5/8/14

I've been caregiver for my husband who has had strokes, heart attack, diabetes, etc. It is hard work! He is now in a skilled nursing facility getting good care. I am crossing my fingers he can stay there. Still, lots of loneliness on my part. Friends and family come and go, some understand and some don't want to. I appreciate honest feedback too!


Shared by: Joseph V Johnson
I'm in Mn. My sister lives in Seattle
5/7/14

My sister has a lifelong disease. Her husband Up and left her and refuses to assist her. I'm looking for help for her both medical and support. She is shut in unable to drive. She is wanting me to come out from MINNESOTA TO HELP HER GET HER KITCHEN AND HOUSE WHERE SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF As she only has her children, especially in her kitchen, WITHOUT GETTING BURNED AND HAVE NO MORE FIRES. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO CAN ASSIST HER And Myself????She has no family out there accept her children all her family is back in Minnesota and Iowa


Shared by: Debbie
Phoenix, AZ
5/5/14

My sister has been caregiver for my mom for 6 years, she is 97 and in fairly good shape, although she cannot hear and has limited sight. She wanted to have her fly from Dallas to Phoenix to stay with us for 2 weeks. We have avoided this for the past 3 years as the last time she did this she was disorientated and did not like being uprouted to our house which is not set up for an elderly person.


Shared by: Rose M.
Seaside, CA
5/5/14

I have been taking care of my husband who has Alzheimer's for seven years. I get frustrated some times especially when I have to change him. He even gets violent and my kids get very upset and they want him in a nursing home. I'm not ready to put him there. I want to have an online friend who has the same problems, men or women who I can talk to and share daily experiences. I get very lonely at times even though I have friends and family members that I can talk to. I want fresh blood. Someone who can be honest and straightforward. Contact me if you need a friend online.


Shared by: Roberta Blummer
Illinois
5/4/14

Thank you for your article on fear and risks of falling. Two important areas of consideration are dehydration and urinary tract infections.


Shared by: Martha L. Milton
Vancouver, WA
5/3/14

Our mother has been homeless on the streets of Pasadena, CA for the past 29 yrs. by her own choice due to her mental illnesses. She was recently diagnosed in California with pneunomia and COPD so my dear sister went down and packed up her stuff and they came up by train. Now our mom wants to return to California. She is in no way mentally or physical able to do either so where do we go from here? Do we need to get an attorney of directive? Is there someone in the city of Vancouver, WA That can help us? Thanks, Jodie Wright


Shared by: Toni
Ohio
5/3/14

To all caregivers on this board, please check into In-home Hospice care in your area. In-home Hospice is under-utilized by people and there are tremendous benefits available under this. If your loved one has a terminal illness such as cancer, congestive heart failure, alzheimers, etc. (look it up online), there are benefits that you can get if you are caring for your loved one at home. It is paid for by Medicare and people do not use it because they think that Hospice is for someone who will die within weeks or a few months. That is not the case. I urge you to check into Hospice care (provided in your home). Go online and check as you may be missing out on benefits and assistance and support that you need.


Shared by: Napold
Kissimmee, FL
4/29/14

My son Gregory was on his 3rd year of college; He became mentally ill for 2 years now; He became disabled; He is about to be discharged from the hospital where he is in Orlando FL. I will have to care for him 24 hours a day, I need financial assistance.


Shared by: Peggy
Conyers, GA
4/26/14

I am elderly and I care for my disable son. I need somewhere for him to live during the week. I need a rest during the week.


Shared by: Carolyn
Des Moines
4/25/14

Sorry I feel like I am doing all the wrong things for my sister-in-law but when it comes down to getting something done they call on me I feel very frustrated I do everything I can but only hear about what everyone else does my husband keeps telling me it is because I don't talk about it and people that do are drama queens but can I at least be loved our two little girls are suffering because I am trying to do all I can to fit into the family and take care of my sister in law I love her so much. WHAT AM I DOIMG WRONG!!!!!! I have always been careful to tell the whole story but please help me!


Shared by: Shawn
San Diego
4/25/14

I work in the health industry and have one simple question. Why don't they require these care givers to speak clear fluent english? Makes me sick to my stomach when these caregivers bring in pateints and you can barely understand them. If we can barely understand them how do you expect the elderly to?


Shared by: Connie Dugan
Florida
4/23/14

My Mom lives in an Assisted Living Home with four other residents. She often does not understand "Why" Mrs. J doesn't sleep at night or likes to pack and unpack her clothes, "Why" Mrs. D. calls her names and forgets what she was just been told, or "Why" Mrs. A. cannot control her body movements and eats alone at the kitchen table. I have found it very helpful to print articles on Alzheimer's and ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), so she can get a glimpse into what the other residents are experiencing. One day she read an article that I brought to her and said, "Well, I learned something today". Priceless!


Shared by: Claire
CA
4/23/14

Here are the most fulfilling moments I will try to put to words for all caregivers... My mom's look of peacefulness as I held her hand - and was still there throughout the years of the turmoil dementia put both of us through - with love and a strong daughter holding her hand to try to guide her through that last physical moment and on to where we all will eventually go. Thru thick and thin we were a team. Then the next year almost exactly thereafter, my pop had a stroke to which he could not ...no matter how hard he tried... come out of. In the ER, my pop's last word was "chickie-doll." His pet name for me. Though only one side of his lips and tongue were able to move, it was clear. And when I said "pop I wish I could see your beautiful blue eyes again and he opened them for the last time and my sister and I were totally taken aback to both of those things. In my heart I knew I had done the right thing. My Mom,Pop & I were a team. Through thick and thin we loved each other with all of our hearts... without question. They took such good care of us kids that now they knew for certain I was going to be there for them no matter what twists and turns came up.


Shared by: Mike T.
Singapore
4/22/14

Hi.everyone. I know its very painful that you see someone close to you cannot recognize you anymore and their personalities start to change a lot which they used to be a caring and lovely person. My dad had dementia and now using tube feeding. We now treat him as a child like how he treated us. We hug, kiss, and talk jokes with him. We are fortunate to have him as a dad showing us the right way of path. Let us caregivers be strong and show them love.


Shared by: Leigh
Johannesburg
4/18/14

Rose Robinson:
That is a task my mom has gone through for years!


Shared by: Melinda
Orlando, FL
4/15/14

My Husband was recently diagnosed with MS. I have always taken care of my sister, a brittle diabetic. I am researching all sites with MS caregiver info. Anyone that has info on the beginning of this please feel free to send suggestions.


Shared by: Lonnie Logan
Redford
4/13/14

My uncle lost his mother last year and know he needs help taking care of his dad, my grandfather, and he has old timer disease. He don't have the money to pay for a nursing home or home care. He was always there for me and I need someone to help my uncle because Im afraid that it might kill him soon. The place where my uncle is, is Harassing my uncle every day asking for more money and he doesn't have a job because he had to quit his job to take care of his family. So please help my uncle before it kills him. Thank u for listening.


Shared by: Sylvia
Gilroy, Calif.
4/12/14

Trying to help my cousin. He had a stroke 2 yrs. ago. He has first stage of dementia. His ex wife(been divorced 13 yrs.) still wants alimony from my cousin. Ex is aware of his health problems. They never had children. Any advice? Thank You!


Shared by: Zelda
NYC
4/8/14

To Rose Robinson:
It's been a while since I was in your boat, but I do remember that sweets were very enticing to get my dad to eat. If there are no medical problems, try using jam and such on various foods. It worked for us until it was feeding tube time. As for the other, I had been advised to keep my father walking for as long as possible. He would rant and rave and curse me when I made him get out of his bed to walk a few steps... He wanted his wheelchair. So we had some go-rounds about it, but I did get him to continue walking first to the bathroom, then later to a potty chair that I told him was being kept out of his particular room becuase it was not polite for it to be wehre he rested. Eventually, when he got beyond having the ability to walk, he was on an air mattress that fluctuated to keep him from getting bedsores. Physical therapists came in to give him gentle exercise as well. Go find a caregiver group to both discuss what to do and commiserate with and also to get away form it on a regular basis for a while or you will burn out. I have heard that most times when health professionals look at the patient who is well groomed and such, they look up at the caregiver who is mostly disheveled and coming apart. Don't let that happen to you. GL!


Shared by: Lori Gage
Oceanside, CA
4/8/14

Re: mothers poor appetite: Your mother may be nearing the end of her life and her body is slowly shutting down and does not require the same amt of nutrition she needed when she was healthy. Respect her food choices - including whether or not she wants to eat - and don't make her feel guilty for not eating/drinking.

...Going rate for private home health care is $10-14. If you go thru an agency the rate is almost double. there are lots of options...live in vs live out, private vs agency so check it out by getting info and ask questions.


Shared by: Tess
San Diego
4/8/14

As a Caregiver be passionate, understanding, learn to listen and look at the feelings of others most especially the Elderly. Sometimes they dont know how to make decisions on there lives, so for us as caregivers, we have to understand in every moment, their actions and everything.. GOD IS GOOD FOR US AND GIVES US A TALENT TO SERVICE TO MOSTLY ELDERLY PEOPLE THAT NEED US MOST..


Shared by: Eleanor Parker
Cocoa, FL
4/7/14

After 4 years of not sleeping I had to take Mom to her Urologist to get catheters, for two nights a week. I feel so guilty but with her getting me up 4 to 7 times a night because she is afraid to wet the bed I had no choice ( I have the bed savers, 2 layers of bed savers with sheets on them and made these little bed savers with baby cloth diapers and material used for making baby bibs to put under her). I do check her for UTI's every other week with the home test. She has had a couple of them after she had to take antibiotics for upper body infections. Also she is borderline diabetic too. I have not had much time to get on this site lately but really enjoy it. I get a lot of info for the future. God Bless all of the caregivers out there. Our pay is knowing we did all we could for our loved one, our reward will be great at the end.


Shared by: Linda Gabriel
Springfield, Illinois
4/7/14

I am caregiver to my 91 year old mother. She lives with me. I have learned a lot about the elderly just from her. She hides her food, has zero short term memory, changes clothes a lot. She was not very nice when we were children, but now she is a sweet old woman. Emotionally it is very difficult. Some days are better than others. But that is life anywhere.


Shared by: Jayalkrishnan. T
India
4/6/14

My mother who is 94 now became bedridden. And now is able to take only liquid diet. She is NOT a diabetic and keeps lien body. What liquid diet is suggested. Thanks.


Shared by: Melissa
Los Angeles
4/2/14

Hi, I forgot to ask what is the general going rate for home health care, say someone coming in a few hours a day five days a week? Meaning a caregiver and/or nurse. Thank you.


Shared by: Melissa
Los Angeles
4/2/14

Hi, I am writing in the hopes of finding some options for my father who has dementia. He is a veteran living in a veteran's home in a different state. My goal is to move him out here to California, have him temporarily live with me while he waits for an opening in the VA home here. My concern is getting him medical care during the transition period and making sure his medicine is administered properly in the home. Are there any groups or resources that could help with this move? Thank you.


Shared by: Don
Virginia
3/30/14

I just returned from a five day business trip. I'm caregiver for my wife and brought her along since she needs a wheelchair and other assistance and can't fly. My trip has to do with motel reservations. When reserving an "accessible room" make sure you know what you are getting. Some hotels are very ignorant regarding what constitutes an "accessible room". The last room had a bed so high that if my wife were to roll out she would need a parachute to keep her from getting hurt. Ask questions and call the hotel back to confirm the details. Don't assume because it is in the reservation you will get what you asked for.


Shared by: Rose Robinson
Nelspruit South Africa
3/30/14

My Mother is at home with me she is 87 and has diabetes, cancer, dementia and irregular heart. She was in a nursing home but was not cared for so I brought her home. I need advice on how to encourage her to eat - I have tried everything and all she ever wants is scrambled eggs. I give her Ensure which she takes eagerly. Is there anything you can advise? She has refused now to get out of bed no matter how much I try to encourage her to move. Please help as this is all new to me.


Shared by: Laura
MI
3/29/14

I live with my parents, my dad has Alzheimers and my ma is emotionally and verbally abusing me for the past 7 years. I am not getting paid, it is not written legally that I am the caregiver, I do it for my father. But, in the past week, I have had enough, my sister and brother do not help out at all. I am packed and ready to leave, I can I get in trouble by the law if I leave? That is my question. Any help would be appreciated.


Shared by: Heidi Ann
Pittsburgh Pennsylvania
3/26/14

Hello! My husband has CKD. He has had stress tests done & the last one he had done the doctor told us it looked fine & that everything looked great. Then his PCP said that he needs to see a cardiologist. I don't know why he would need one when the tests was fine! I feel left in the dark bout so much stuff. Now the doctor's are saying that my husband has blood in his stool. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY BLOOD IN HIS STOOL! The doctor's want him to get another blood transfusion. He had 6 already in the past month! I mean come on! I haven't seen any of the test results at all from any of these tests. I wish there was someone to help because this is getting more & more ridiculous every time. Plus I think the doctor's r making my husband believe all this crap! Me-I don't buy into any of this.


Shared by: Leticia Berrios
3/26/14

Hi everyone, just wanted to say God bless and keep strong all of us caregivers!!!


Shared by: Mario Palacios
Los Angeles, CA
3/25/14

Hello everyone. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified Caregiver Support Group Leader for the Alzheimer's Association and have been working with caregivers for the last 14 years.

When dealing with caregiver burnout, it is important to think about a few items. First it is important to take care of yourself. How can you be good to others if you cannot be good to yourselves? This means that during the week when you are caring for your loved one 24/7, it is important to schedule time for yourself. Whether it is a few hours of walking time spread throughout the week, a movie, eating at your favorite place, or meeting with a friend once a week. Despite resisting the urge to not do it out of guilt or shame, it is important to your mental health to do it.


Shared by: Lisa Smith
New York City
3/25/14

My dad is in florida his sister just put him in assisted living place... not even a week he fell n broke his hip. now he is in a hospital for therapy when i call he sounds so confused. I know my dad is lonely and would probably respond much better if he had family around him, I am not financailly able to care for him..the more he is away from family the more he is forgetting things... I with all my heart would love to have my dad but i cant afford a apartment for myself... Is there any help out there that would help me get a place n care for my dad so i can atleast give him the Love he needs in his last years???? Heart broken daughter my sister and his sisters prefer to put him in a facility... I think he needs Love n help at home with family?


Shared by: Michelle
Seattle, WA
3/24/14

Hi i am a caregiver. We have a client who does not suffer from praider willy however has an eating disorder. All of her food used to be locked and only those with a key had access. All of her foods were prepared and given to her. Now with all the new laws we cannot use locks and or restrictions! Please help. Thanks.


Shared by: Jeanette Quigley
Whitehall, WI
3/24/14

I've been taking care of my Dad now for almost 6 years. He has alcohol induced dimencia. Not only has all the physical work fell on me, but also the financial. My twin sister is beyond wealthy and refuses to contribute one cent. I am now in bankruptcy due to all this, and she still won't help. He is both our fathers and she just walks away and never looks back and then yells at me for helping him. I cannot she can get away with this. I am now very ill myself at 52 with spinal stenosis, PTSD after a rape, and Agraphobia Panic Disorder, in which I'm afraid to leave my home and she still will not help. How can a twin sister, and you should know the secrets I carry for her, let me hang like this?


Shared by: Rettasue
Cleveland, Tennessee
3/24/14

Two lawyers and a judge are trying to get my husband and I to sell our home and go live in a long term home because he had a stroke and then a seizure. He is doing o.k. and the two of us are happy in our little home. I can care for him because the conservator made me go to a mental health man to have an evaluation and he says that I am smarter than the conservator. Can they make us do that and why won't they let my husband come home. We live one mile from two hospitals and a I/2 mile to the doctor. Staying at home would be so much better and we would be happier. Thanks


Shared by: Juliette Vander Meulen
Abbotsford, BC, Canada
3/22/14

I'm a qualified CRA & CHC. My Commom-law husband is going in soon for double hip replacement, Can I get paid for caring for him?


Shared by: Drake Lester
Birmingham, AL
3/22/14

I am my wife's caregiver. Do I qualify for FMLA protection by being a caregiver?


Shared by: Cherie Krauss
St. Louis
3/20/14

I am looking to buy a bed safety alarm, the kind with the pad that goes on the bed itself vs. the one that attaches to clothing. My Mom weighs 93 pounds and I have heard that there is a low weight cutoff for that. Does anyone have thoughts about this?


Shared by: Cyndi
3/20/14

Hi I have my mom living with me and she has mild dementia. I have 3 older sisters and one older brother. Back last year some time we all discussed what to do with her house and she agreed to what we all came up with. However since that time 2 of the girls have aggravated her immensely that she decided to leave them out of cleaning out the house. I tried to tell her to tell them but she believes why does she have to tell it is her house she can change her mind any time. I feel it is true. Once I started working on it with an aunt I had her tell them. One sister wants completely out of it; the other 2 and my brother it didn't go so well. They think mom is not entitled to change her mind and so they believe what we all agreed to so instead of asking her why this occurred they just believe 100% that I went behind her back and went on my own and they won't answer mom's calls bc they think I am speaking for her although it is her voice. Has anyone else experienced something like this. I am acting on mom's words to do her house and then bringing all her things that matter to her over here I should have checked with them first bc they wanted to be a part of it but mom refused. Any sugestions would be of help on how to endure their disbelief in me. I am holding onto faith that something will turn around but I don't know what exactly. My mom is still capable of making her own decisions on most everything. Thank you


Shared by: Teresa
Philadelphia
3/19/14

To Sheri Brown:
What I did when caring for my aunt, I contact Phila. Corporation for Aging and I got into the waiver program which allowed me to get who I wanted to take care of her while I worked they paid the people I selected. So check your senior programs where you live.


Shared by: Carry
3/18/14

To Gina from Georgia:
Yes, this man is breaking laws, he sexually harassing you! I would find another job, ASAP to avoid the drama. If you speak to the Mother (Boss), you could be accused of coming on to him, and fired. Find another job, then before you leave speak UP!!! to him. Tell him you are leaving because he is sexually harassing you, and that he can't do this to you or anyone else ever again. He has crossed boundaries, is out of line, and breaking the law. You and the other caregiver could press charges against him. Make that known to him and get out, with no future contact ever again.


Shared by: Jayne
Logan, WV
3/18/14

I have a mother in law that has a feeding tube and she has to stay on it 24 hrs a day unless we bath her walk her get her out of bed but the problem we are having is that she is suppose to stay I'm going to say a 45 degree angle and she has a hospital bed and we lift the head and legs up so she won't slide but somehow she slides no matter how we put her we put a pillow under her but that didn't work it is 20 times a day that we have to lift her up to put her back in position what can we do so she won't slide I'm scared that she will slide down when she is sleeping and choke and I sleep on the couch so I can hear her please give me some info so I can get some sleep


Shared by: Pat
Yuma, AZ
3/14/14

My husband had his stroke 7 years ago now and recently had 2 strokes in his right eye. He can still see but has problems. Sometimes, I forget that he is unable NOT unwilling to give his opinion, or to help with solving a solution to a household problem. I need to always remember that his stroke took away much of his mental capability and that I need to do all I can being the Caregiver. I believe after many years of caregiving we think that possibly our loved one has somehow become better. My husband does not look like a stroke victim. He handles all of his personal care, has all capabilities to walk and associate with others. What he lost was most of his memory, his personality that I married some 30 years ago, he is unable to read or comprehend and sometimes due to the Aphasia can not come up with the correct words. As his Caregiver I need to always remember that if the "shoe was on the other foot", he would be there for me in any way, love me for the person I was at the time, and never give up. I am guessing that is what we all need to remember. Thank you for your consideration.


Shared by: Mary
Vancouver, WA
3/14/14

My husband is a quadraplegic in a power chair from an injury in 2008. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. All our dreams of travel have been trashed by his injury and future prognosis. We would like to go away together for a vacation but since he can't transfer from his chair we need a portable lift which I have purchased. But I get discouraged think of hauling that lift with us. We have an adapted van to transport him in but we would really like to go on vacation to Hawaii again after many years. I feel so overwhelmed with planning a vacation and having to do everything by myself. Our dreams to travel were destroyed when he was paralyzed and then he was diagnosed with cancer. It makes me so sad to think that in today's world that so much is just not available to help paralyzed people do things they had dreamed about in the past. It is depressing to think that all we can do is day trips. Is there any realistic hope in this. Doing this seems very overwhelming considering I'm his sole caregiver. Is there still a chance out there with airlines, etc.?


Shared by: Gina
Georgia
3/13/14

I've been working as a caregiver to pay my way through college. My patient is a young women who lives at home. Her mother is my "boss", but on some nights and weekends her husband's home. He makes sexual comments about me and the other caregiver. Once he went as far as placing my hand on his head then laying his head in my lap while stroking my thigh. I don't want to quit because I'm very attached to my patient and her mom. Is he breaking any rules or laws? How do I confront him?


Shared by: Sam
3/13/14

I've been reading Postings here and I feel so interested on becoming a part of this Group if that ok with you all. I work in Long Term Care for years.Sometimes, after reading, my Heart and Soul get so sad but I Pray to God for yours all strength and Wisdom to deal with the daily Challenges! God bless you all!


Shared by: Ann
Westerly, RI
3/11/14

Please tell me what sources are available to help my elderly parents on a monthly basis-bills, caregiving expenses, pet-care? My mother is suffering from the early signs of Alzheimer's disease; she is 79, my father is 80. He is the main caregiver, and I want them to have extra income sources for these neds. My father is low on funds. Thank you.


Shared by: Annette
CT
3/9/14

Everyone on here is such a good person for helping in any way. There are the good days and bad days. My Mom is in a home and there are times an aid will say something mean and then I get the phone call or message. These aids should not say anything if something didn't go their way. Silence is golden.


Shared by: MB
Wisconsin
3/9/14

My 90 year old mother recently started to display paranoia. She has accused her caregivers of putting salt in her bath water and her drinking water. She said they were pouring water in her shoes, so she hid four pairs. She said they were throwing itching dust on her and her clothes. Now she's refusing to sleep in her bed or her recliner because she says that she gets shocked. She sits in her wheelchair all day and sleeps in it at night. The doctor has checked her meds and does not feel that she is facing dementia. How should I address her accusations? She begs me to believe her, but what she fears is not happening.


Shared by: Teresa
Pennsylvania
3/7/14

I want to encourage those who are caring for love ones or friends, for 17 years I cared for my aunt and a many of days I was overwhelmed. With the help of this Caregiver Newsletter it helped me in so many ways with other caregivers ideas and reading the newsletter and going to the Caregiver Conference when it came to Philadelphia. The most was to pray a lot and take care of yourself so you can take care of your love ones. My aunt has passed and my godparents and I want to say thank you to Mr. Gary and his magazine you have been a blessing.


Shared by: Misty S.
Indiana
3/6/14

To Sherri Brown:
In the state of OH there may be a program available to assist you financially. check out the website called caregiverhomes.com There is an 888 number you can call and they're great about walking you through your scenario to see if you qualify for services.


Shared by: Roz Turner
Upper Marlboro, MD
2/28/14

When I read the stories of other caregivers I feel that my life is not so bad. My husband was diagnosed 6 years ago with vascular dementia. Medications to slow the disease does not do anything but make him sleep all the time and dulls his senses. I would rather have what's left of the man I married without the drugs for dementia. He still dresses himself with help but he is incontinent and cannot hold a conversation. Cannot find the words to communicate. He gets frustrated when I do not understand him or angry. It's hard when he tells me you don't get it because I'm stupid or he curses me. He gets restless more than he use to and gets up and down moving throughout the house. I have to always be aware of his location to make sure he does not wonder off or let someone in the house that I don't know. He was a very social person and as such likes to try to talk to people. I don't sleep well because I think he's going to do something that puts us in danger. I had a heart scare recently that put me in a tale spin because I did not have someone to take over immediately when I went to the hospital. If it wasn't for my long term neighbors and a son who is not too far away, I would be lost. I wonder sometimes if he would know what to do if I passed out and could not communicate. I tell him but he may not remember. He goes to daycare a couple of days a week which gives me a break. He gets upset at times when I have to change his clothes or underwear but he still is able to help a little. He is eating less lately which is a concern because he is diabetic. I have to give him shots four times a day to monitor his blood sugar. As one reader said, I am caregiver, plumber, electrician, gardener, driver, homemaker, dietitian, scheduler and accountant. He is a disabled vet which adds another dimension to his care. We have been married 48 years and I would never have imagi ned that a strong and strong willed individual would end up like this. What I miss is intimacy, someone to talk to and someone to be able to go on excursions with. He is unable to walk any distances because of a bad back, he uses a walker which still does not help with walking even at the mall. Once or twice a year I put him in respite care but I miss his company. I am still blessed because outside of his care, I have no worries. I give praise to all caregivers who go through much more than I may have to endure.


Shared by: Sheri Brown
Ohio
2/28/14

I feel bad for asking but since I had to give up work to take care of my husbands mom our finances are horrible but I heard there is a way for me to get paid for caring for her does anyone know?? In Ohio


Shared by: Vicki R
Delaware
2/27/14

I appreciate all the comments on this site. I care for my mother who is staying with us right now. Her diagnosis is undetermined, but she has had 2 concussions recently for falls that the Dr.s can't diagnose. I and my husband are overwhelmed, as I have been on disability from a car accident 15 years ago. Thanks for helping me to smile today :).....No, my siblings are not too "available" to help.


Shared by: Linda Smith
Corpus Christi
2/26/14

My husband is a stroke patient. Thankfully, he can still walk (with a slight limp), understand most everything said to him and is able to take care of his own personal needs. His having speech therapy and that is going fairly well. He is on several medications, about 9 pills per day. He HATES taking any type of pill and always has. He becomes very angry when he has to take the meds and becomes very angry anytime I don't understand what he's telling me, etc. I feel that depression is a factor, but putting him on another med would probably make bad matters worse. We have been married 46 years and I love him more than ever, but the emotional stress is really getting me down. What do I do?


Shared by: Megan Molargik
Warner Robins, GA
2/24/14

My mom has ovarian cancer and is getting weaker. My stepfather and I are caring for her. He has really bad ankles; I injured my back some years ago and still have pain. Mom is having more and more trouble getting up. I worry that one day, we're going to try to help her the wrong way and one or more of us will get hurt. What is the best way for me and my stepfather to help my mom without any one getting hurt?


Shared by: Eleanor Parker
Cocoa, FL
2/24/14

Medical Equipment??? When Mom became wheelchair bound I found most of our needs on craigslist.com. She could get a Scooter that would not fit in her bathroom, so I found a Power Wheel Chair, VMI Van, wheelchairs, Hemi Walkers, Bedside Commode, at 1/3rd the price, some less. I found a brand new Hoyer lift (ready for the future) at a Thrift store. I didn't want to fight for things we needed. It is hard enough to make sure the Doctors are preferred providers for her second insurance and to keep up with the medication (excels works for me). I have all her Surgeries, Medications (how they are given, with the generic name and name brand), over the counter drugs, Medical Conditions, Hospital or Urgent care visits, on Word and update it as needed. All her Doctors, phone, address what they are also on Word. Taking these to Doctor appointments (they will call you an Angle) is a big help. I give them a copy every time so the can't say they didn't know. I take our Date book with all her Stats I do everyday with her weight (done everyday). It takes time to do at first but once its done updating is easy. Hope this helps someone. I wish I would of known about this site when I started. It took me months to find what would work for me. Not a nurse kind of person at all. Did a lot of Google to make sure medicine is taken not to counter act with each other. I also didn't want her taking more than 5 pills every 4 hours. Some are 4 times a day. God Bless.


Shared by: Doug
Cleveland, Ohio
2/24/14

I am caring for my sister who is 55 yrs old. She was in an auto/truck accident almost three years ago. Prior to that she lost two husbands back to back to cancer. Most recently she lost one of her son's in a car/train accident on the same road last Thanksgiving. A good friend of her late son wanted to create a benefit for his final expenses, her daughter caught wind and accused her of using the benefit as a scheme to make money from her dead son, that was the exact words she used with her mom. Last week, I took my sister to her pain mgmt doctor who then prescribed a higher dose of medication for her, since then, my sister has been further and further out of reality. I took her pain meds from her today and told her they would be administered as prescribed. I can't take much more of this stress. I try to do things to combat my stress but lately I am about ready to blow my top.


Shared by: Eleanor Parker
Cocoa, FL
2/24/14

I’m looking for the more patient button too. My Mother moved in with us 5 years ago after a Heart Attach and Major Stroke. The first stroke she was able to walk and dress her self. One year later number two stroke did her in. She has Dementia and thinks she can do things on her own. Some days we are 3-5 yrs old or 16 (the hardest age). I have a dry eraser with month, date, day, year and what we are doing the next three days for her. Bathroom I mark when she goes on a calendar to remind her she has gone. On her Lamp Shade next to her lift chair (A Saver on my back) I make a calendar and put appointments etc. I take her out at least 2-3 times a week. Every day it is very important to her, to dress nice, even when we stay home, with makeup, Jewry, etc. I haven’t worked for 4 years and have a wonderful husband who tries to help in any way he can (specially my inventions : ) My other two sisters said that they would help. One is in Alabama and it is like pulling teeth to get her and her husband to come help the two weeks my husband and I go on vacation (two weeks a year break). The other sister live 4 hours away and at first twice a month she came up for 3 days, so that I can get some sleep, now once a month or sometimes 5 weeks between, (Mom has a baby monitor that she can push a button and wakes me every two hours or sooner to go on the bedside commode. I hope never to have to put Mom in an Assisted Living Home (I have a real bad back) but I know if the time does come I will be visiting everyday (looking at the local reviews). God Bless all the Caregivers out there. We give up a lot (time for ourselves, spouses, family and friends, but at the end we will never regret what we are doing. Thank you for listening.


Shared by: Kathy G
Groton, Conn.
2/21/14

Today has been a very hard day to get through, Im trying to switch on the extra patience switch and I think its shorted out. My lady is 95 and still does most everything her self well thinks she can, Ive never felt soooo resentful torwards family members not getting involved. I just needed to vent thank you.


Shared by: Slindile
Durban
2/21/14

I live with my mother I am not working. My mother had stroke 6 years ago. She is not geting any treatment because I don't have money for transport. She is also not geting pension to buy food. She is not living a healthy life.


Shared by: Velma Witkowski
Monroe Twp., NJ
2/20/14

I believe in helping people to feel better about themselves. Playing some card game and laughing a little. Singing a song and taking the time to give them a smile and a happy face. Always remember they are people too and they need our support as well. Be Sensitive to them and their needs. Bake some cookies and play a game with them. Walk outside brings them fresh air and a better outlook on life. Not to sit all day but, to be as active as possible goes a long way to making their life a bit happier. They also enjoy the company of family and friends. One gentleman I worked with had a family in England. We connected again and that was a gift that both enjoyed into the time the son's daughter got married and the family came from England to meet with this man, one more time. That was worth waiting for and a better homecoming!!!!!


Shared by: Katie A.
Sacramento, CA
2/19/2014

To Dorothy Cassidy:
I know this is impossible and surreal. Hang in there sister. Loneliness is our burden in many ways. Know you're being thought about this day. Try to find things in your life to look forward to and which bring you pleasure.

To Kathy in Oregon:
There are more agencies now days to offer in home help, I'd pursue them. They have a good handle on what you're looking for. And tell them you have Nanny cams set up around the house and arrange to be in consistent communication with Dad whilst you're in Hawaii.

To David Ledoux:
I am so so sorry for your loss. If I had my druthers, I'd be with my folks 24/7. I know how you feel. It's a love without compare. Just try to enjoy the moments with mom. There is nothing else you can do today!

To Nisla in Florida:
It sounds like it may be time to consider care facilities for your mom. With dementia, you forget when you poop sometimes. It's hard, but you may have to make that decision for family now.

To Debra in Oakley:
If you are a Medi-Cal recipient, your husband can get paid 10.40 per hour through your counties In Home Supportive Services program. Other than that, I don't know of a program that will pay him to care for you. sorry.

To Ruby:
OMG!! Honey, not good. You have to draw a line in the sand with your husband. It's enough already and you know it! I'm sorry but it's time for your husband's mother to be cared for in a facility.

Hey folks, don't assume your loved ones will be treated miserably in a care home. Don't pretend it's you being admitted. If you are vocal with the people caring for them and make your presence known to the employees at the facility, it WILL BE OKAY!!! God Bless crazy fellow caregivers!!!


Shared by: Kathy
Oregon
2/19/2014

I am my dad's caregiver. This summer my family and I are planning on a 10 day trip to Hawaii but my dad won't be able to come. He doesn't fly. I really don't want someone coming to my house to take care of him because I have a hard time trusting people coming to my house. I've heard horror stories about some caregivers. I was wondering if there is a place I could take him for those 10 days.


Shared by: Katie A.
Sacramento, CA
2/16/2014

Many people have been wondering if Obamacare will cover the cost in part of caregivers like us. Everyone who is interested in pursuing this for their own state has to go to www.healthcare.gov then click on their own state to see what "Home and Community based program" they may be eligible for. Those are the programs that pay us caregivers (spouses, family or hires) to provide care at home. They were only available to Medicaid recipients, but that net may have widened. I know if you are not a Medicaid family, they may be able to provide assistance with your insurance expenses, beyond that though, I can't find any information as to whether or not they will help financially by paying in home caregivers.


Shared by: Dorothy Cassidy
Fort Fairfield, Maine
2/15/2014

Caring for my husband fourteen years from a stroke is getting me down...he can only say a few words and has difficulty walking. His one arm is very crippled. He really works hard at bathing and dressing himself. However, a very lonely life. Fourteen years.


Shared by: David Ledoux
Fall River MA
2/13/2014

My father just died and now my mother is so lonely. He did everything for her how do I help her move on dealing with the lost of her closes companion. I'm afraid something will happen to her. I can't lose my mother.


Shared by: Ruby Collier
North Carolina
2/13/2014

I have been caring for my mother-in-law for about 23 years now. She is often violent when she does not want to change clothes/diaper, bathe, or have medication applied. She has recently developed some bedsores and I have had to hold her down to apply the ointment as well as endure scratches and cursing whenever I do anything for her. Do you have any advice about managing her anger or suggestions about how I can get her to cooperate more readily. She was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 1991, but is currently on no medication and I feel that she is much more capable than she wants to admit.


Shared by: Deborah Perez
Oakley, CA
2/12/2014

My husband is currently my caregiver. I was diagnosed with MS and he takes care of me, I do currently work but he does everything else for me and house hold. Is there any financial check he could receive due to my MS?


Shared by: Nilsa Barnes
Navarre FL
2/11/2014

I am taking care of my 83 year old mom with dementia. She have started to shake in the last few months on legs and know the body. Today I came home she was with my husband and I went to check on her but she was falling a sleep in the chair forward as she has never done and very confuse as I smell because when I have migraines my smell increase I smell poop and she was when I got her up the chair was wet and she was dirty. It was strange because she is really clean and even take a bath 2 time a day and in day she clean a lot.


Shared by: Audrey Brantley
Alabama
2/6/2014

I need suggestions and ideals on caring for my husband who has Parkinson's Disease since 2010. The disease is progressing and I have retire to be home with him. Any help, suggestions, ideals is greatly appreciate.


Shared by: Misty Stephens
Fort Wayne, IN
1/31/2014

To the woman leaving the comment on 1/24/14
(with regards to the MS and difficult living situation):
I am not sure what state you're in but in Indiana, Ohio, Rhode Island and Mass there are waivers available that will allow caregivers to live in the home and receive financial assistance.

To Sandra Webster:
Memory books are fantastic for people such as your mother, gather photos. I worked with a gentleman that asked me to take pictures of his old neighborhood. Try and reminisce during your visits and just hug her as often as you can!

Caregiving, especially when it's someone you never thought you'd be caring for is difficult. I applaud you all! I know it seems thankless some days.


Shared by: Ruth Reyes
Indiana
1/31/2014

Use "Light Therapy" for the fall and winter months. Its great for seniors and just people in general that have to stay home for one reason or another.


Shared by: Joanne
RI
1/30/2014

My husband recently passed away and I cared for him at home for 4 1/2 yrs. He was non-ambulatory, had a feeding tube and for the last 2+ yrs, a trach. Despite this, we did fine except for the constant stress of dealing with DME vendors, insurance co and some medical providers. Having to always worry about not getting the things I needed for him was debilitating. Yet all I ever hear about is how tired and burned out I must be and in need of a night out or a vacation! I stayed with my husband about 18 hrs/day when he was in hospital (no admissions for past 27 months) not only to attend to hygiene and skin care needs, but also to summon help as needed. Everyone who is telling caregivers to de-stress should instead focus on the sources of stress within the medical/health industry! One of the worst examples was when drs and nurses would exclaim (in 2 different hospitals) that they had never seen anyone whose skin was in such perfect condition. Yet unless I did all his changing and bathing myself and use all my own skin products, he was in danger of breaking down whenever he was hospitalized. Plus, I shouldn't have to fight to get him an appropriate mattress or wait for broken skin in the hospital.

So, what I needed and didn't get, at least not without prolonged battles, was insurance coverage information, a responsive dr and DME providers who provided what he needed (and had coverage for) without bait and switch techniques.

What I got and didn't need was everyone telling me I need a rest. I have all the time in the world now that he's gone and I miss him terribly.


Shared by: Home Care Aid
Ohio
1/29/2014

To Silvia in Downey:
You need a Hoyer until the amputee can transfer themselves. I don't know if you can rent one if you only need it temporarily. I would contact my local medical supply store. I think these can be purchased used as well.

You are going to destroy your back if continue to try to lift this person. You will be lifting this person in/out of the bed and then on/off the toilet, at least once a day. That is once a day too many. Have the individual use a bed pan to toilet themselves until they are able to transfer themselves to the toilet.

I cannot stress this enough, you are going to DESTROY YOUR BACK if you continually try to transfer a person who cannot help you with the transfer. It is really bad on your back even if they can help. Plus you run the risk of dropping the individual you are trying to transfer.

You sound like you need home help. If the amputee is on Medicare, as his/her social worker about the "Waiver Program" I care for an individual who has MS, Medicare pays me to do so.


Shared by: Sandra Webster
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
1/27/2014

I have an elderly mother, 83, who was diagnosed bipolar 30 years ago. She has recently been placed in a Nursing home, after being in the psych ward in hospital for one year. She is in a deep depression. No drugs worked for her, and shock treatments are ongoing and help a little. Some of her coping mechanisms, or reactions to her drugs, not sure which, are constant rocking and humming. Her depression has also caused her to believe she can't chew or digest regular food. So she has lost 50 pounds, and is on a pureed diet, but dislikes it. I am now on an anti-depressant myself. I'm finding my visits with my mother, whom I absolutely adore, and have had an excellent relationship with all my life, emotionally draining. I am only visiting her once a week now, but what can I do to make those visits less draining for me, and more beneficial for her? Any suggestions?


Shared on: 1/24/2014

Help me! My mother has MS and this past July she fell and broke her leg. She was in rehab for all of the summer and was then moved to a nursing home where she begged me to take her home. So i felt bad and I did so in the meantime I had to quit my job because she needs constant care. I'm almost 30 and I absolutely have no life I know that sounds selfish but I've been taking care of her practically my whole life but now she can't walk. I have to do everything for her. Right now were living with my boyfriend and it has been draining on our relationship and I'm out of work and we only have one income. I need to go back to work but I also can't leave my mom alone and she refuses for anyone to help her. She thinks I can do this alone and I really can't. I cry all the time. I'm so tired and burnt out. I don't know what to do.


Shared by: Cam
Maryland
1/24/2014

Recently joined the primary caregivers club. My dad passed at 90 he was a big help with my mom. It allowed me some freedom. So I am now trying to hire caregivers and establish a schedule that allows me some downtime and not place me in the poor house. How is it that Medicare manages not to cover or assist in coverage for caregiving. Have'nt we payed into this all these years. After reading the posts I know I am blessed and can carry on. caregiving is not for the faint of heart, but you do what you have to do. Sometimes you can feel so alone but its nice to know their is a world out there just a keystroke away I wish you all patience strength endurance and wisdom be blessed.


Shared by: Helen Huxford
Los Angeles, CA
1/23/2014

If my uncle has safety rails put in his home due to he had a fall in his bathroom and ended up in the hospital. Can he send that bill to medicare?


Shared by: Wanda Roberts
Montgomery, Alabama
1/22/2014

May sure you hug an tell your love how much you still love them . Make them a part of your live at all time . I carry my husband a lot of place with me so what people look at us an talk . When you really love someone an become there caretaker the love like I still have is there so I learn to deal with the good and bad night an day. Live with Lewy bodies dementia at the age of 53 is not easy for us . My husband work hard no days off some year ,any sell his vacation for money for college for son . Son try to help but work three job to take care of his family an sick 3year old son!


Shared by: Lane
Yonkers, NY
1/17/2014

To Amy in Indiana:
The first thing to make sure of, is that his doctor's orders are current. A 16 y/o is rapidly growing and may need to be checked up to 5 or 6 times a day. The second, is he eating properly? - he should have breakfast at home, lunch may need to be monitored to ensure he is eating. Depending on the school and amount of students, the nurse may not be able to do this, he may need to eat in health office (not advisable, as it's hard enough to "be diff class="left"erent") so a staff member/lunch aide may need to "log" what he eats, and if he is a difficult eater, he may need to get his insulin AFTER he eats - the school food service should have a CARBOHYDRATE list each month to use in the calculations. 3rd, as there are MANY different pumps available, it may be possible to get an inservice from the company. the nurse can call the doctors office and tell them: "I do not know how to use this pump" "I need an inservice from your sales rep or from your office"...If the nurse is met with resistance, it must be documented to the health dept of the school district. Depending on state/local laws in Indiana, he may be entitled to an aide or nurse at school. Also sounds like he needs to be checked before coming home - Is parent providing juice and snacks and other supplies? lol - I could go on, but these are my first thoughts - good luck!

To Carol in Michigan:
I would strongly advise seeking legal help in regards to your brother taking care of your dad depending on your fathers assets, your brother can probably be given some money - specially if he gave up or took a leave from a job if there are other siblings, it's always better to have it legal, to prevent accusations later good luck

To Marilyn in Witchita, KS:
You must set some guidelines and change the locks if necessary if this is your home too, and you are the primary caretaker, you do not have to be "barged in on" whenever they please. That being said...you could use it to your advantage and leave the house...go to a movie, a mall, walk in the park, and exercise class, lunch with a friend maybe a set time could be arranged ahead, which can be flexible let them be there by themselves - put a lock on your private area if you feel they will snoop...the criticism is really that they prob know they either should do more, or just frustration. I went through this a bit, and would turn it around saying "I understand your point but..." or "what do you think would be best" and deep breathing!! good luck!


Shared by: Debbie Maclean
San Diego
1/13/2014

If you have a computer, you tube has some videos. Type on google: double amputee transfer. Also, it depends are their ability to help you. If they have upper body strength, a trapeze over the bed can help. But for you alone, it's really hard. Make your surfaces as smooth and close together to slide from place to place but so much easier with two people, holding hands like a cradle and scoop them up.


Shared by: Silvia Jimenez
Downey
1/9/2014

Can some give me tips on how to transfer a double amputee from bed to chair and toilet, I am looking for any sort of help please.


Shared by: Debbie Maclean
San Diego
1/5/2014

To Timi Ridgway in answer to your question:
You have to start with his primary care doctor. Manipulating everything through the Dr. you get results.


Shared by: Stephanie
Jonesboro, Georgia
12/23/2013

To ALL the caregivers,
I want to say thank you for showing love to an aged parent or a child or just someone who is in need of care. No that the work we are doing, yes I am a caregiver too my mom has Dementia since 2010 it's not going unnoticed. The God of ALL COMFORT sees, hear all things he is taking note of all our hard works and sacrafices.Please read with me Proverb 15:3 it certainly says GOD is taking notice of our hard works. For sons mainly who has steppex p to take care of mom and dad,or maybe you are doing your share, for the parent single or married who love their children to take care of them, to the ONLY Child who has to what he or she can, to the caregiver who has sibilings but there is NO HELP from other familiy memebers to the one wwho is a caregiver professionally or by trade what ever may be the situation, our HEAVENLY FATHER know each ones deeds and he will reward you and me for displaying kindness, love, patience he will bless the efforts of the caregive who are genuine from the heart.When the load is heavy P.U.S.H PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPEN that something is more faith, strength,more,patience and most of all a blessing Psalms 55:22,Isaih 41:10 Philipians 4:6,7 May the Holy Scriptures be comforting to All caregivers and may the Holy Scriptures be SOOTHING to your hearts down to your soul.


Shared by: Timi Ridgway
Hotsprings, AR
12/20/2013

My dad gets a check to pay my mother to care for him, she is now in a nusing home. I uprooted my adopted newphew and moved in with him to care for him and get him to his appointments, being he is homebound. I didnt know how impossible it would be, he hates me, not him his disease. The councelors dont seem to listen to me or take notes or bring him in for an appt. Where do i start? He has alzheimers, dementia, cancer, leuchemia, replaced knee, hip, eye surgeries and countless other problems. Hes homebound and still drives where im affraid with extreme violent temp he may hurt himself or others. Please tell me where to go next. His case worker says she cant make him come in. Unbelievable!


Shared by: Carol Davie
New Hudson, Michigan
12/19/2013

Looking for ideas to help assist my 50 year old brother, financially, who had to move in with my terminally ill dad.


Shared by: MaryAnne Heard
Toronto, Ontario
12/16/2013

I heard there is a special tax credit we can apply for when we take in our senior parent instead of putting them in a home.
Where do I apply please


Shared by: Sylvia Head
Columbus, Georgia
12/13/2013

Get copies of the Patient's Medical Records, including Lab Results and Notes as soon as possible in order to make corrections, AND attend ALL Care Plan Meetings to become enlightened to any concerns and become aware of procedure changes. *<\;-{).


Shared by: Bob Boyer
San Clemente, CA
12/10/2013

Question; Is there a M S A, SUPPORT GROUP IN SO.OR.CO. I HAVE JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED.


Shared on: 12/09/2013

Does anyone know where I would start paperwork in getting payment in caring for my parents? I really don't like to get any monies from their retirement income.


Shared by: PT
Colorado
12/07/2013

Any advice on starting a caregiver biz? What licenses and insurance is required? Thnx for any suggestions.


Shared by: Dianna Grimm
Pittsburgh PA
12/05/2013

I recently in march took my 11 year old cousin in after her mother passed of kidney failure and drug addiction. I do receive $353.00 a month in survivor benefits. I am not working due to the time and therapy she needs for a proper recovery for her passed loved one and give her the oppurtunity to succeed in life. I also have a Boy of my own to raise. I am single and in need of help. Does anyone know where I can start or go to get help?


Shared by: Sean
Cincinnati, ohio
12/04/2013

How can I get help with taking care of my Dad? I've been the main caretaker for 4+ years, with almost no help from family.


Shared by: Sherry
Jefferson City, MO
12/04/2013

I do private home health care, will not work for an agency. This is hard for you, I can tell. Can you hire someone to help you.


Shared by: Teresa
Florida
12/04/2013

When your female patient needs a bath and can't walk and you only have one female to help and one male (unrelated); Allow the male caregiver to help the female caregiver into the shower with clothes still on and then the female caregiver can help remove the clothes and help the patient bathe properly and safely while sitting. Simple but sometimes as new caregivers with no training, you just don't think about it right away. This no way no need for the patient to go without bathing/sitting shower.


Shared by: LOUISE
ATLANTA,GA
12/02/2013

MARILYN FROM WICHITA KS, I DO UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERNS I TOO HAVE AN AGED PARENT AND CAN'T GET FAMILY TO ASSIST IN ANYWAY WHEN I NEED THEM. PLEASE READ ISAIH 61:2 A SCRIPTURE FOR COMFORT.


Shared by: Jeannie Taylor
Tennessee
11/27/2013

If u have a family member that needs a caregiver can they be paid without bringing in an outsider to be the caregiver? cheykenjaxs@gmail.com She is on Medicare and TenCare in the state of Tennessee.
Thank you, Jeannie


Shared by: Katrina Jackson
Orange County
11/27/2013

I am a low income mother looking for programs that can help assist/pay me for taking care of my sick mother. Thank you


Shared by: Frank Melton
Bowling Green, KY
11/26/2013

Ask the motel about where there handicap parking is located. Most motels somehow get exceptions, and put the handicap parking downhill, so you have to walk out in traffic to get to the front door, or don't have access aisles. One motel we stayed in recently had a bench in the shower that was not put together right, and sloped down in front. The shower had the soap dish in the other end of the shower from the bench. Another had a shower that allowed the water to go out onto the bathroom floor, which made it slick. Ask a lot of questions to make them think about what a handicap person needs


Shared by: Marilyn
Wichita, KS
11/24/2013

What rights do a live in caregiver have, a daughter, to privacy from siblings visiting unannounced and respect from them and their adult children who criticize me and get down right aggressive?


Shared by: Diane
Massachusettes
11/24/2013

I feel she will be best in a nursing home. With all the care she needs and her high fall rate she will not get the 24/7 care she requires in a living assistance program


Shared by: Hattie
GA
11/22/2013

You must have a set schedule. That makes it easier on you and on you loved one.


Shared by: Joyce
Woodbridge, VA
11/06/2013

My Spouse is at the moment getting an aid from the County 3 time a week (15 Hours). I am at home with him 24/7. I lost my job 4 years ago when he was discharged from Hospital. A suggestion was made to me that I enquire about long term care and me being the aid which will allow me to be paid for the aid assistance. We are not citizens yet but have applied. We live with my daughter and son-in-law. Please advise me. Thank you


Shared by: Ann
North Richland Hills,TX
11/03/2013

I'm sorry this is not a tip but a request. I'm a caregiver and I my self have a mental disorder. I love my job but am finding it hard to work doing this like of work Would it be in all all best interest if I find a different job??? Please any advice to help. thanks so much. Ann


Shared by: Connie
Orlando
10/31/2013

My Mother is 85 years old and broke her Hip, Shoulder, and Elbow in one fall this last May. I'm glad to report she is my "Come Back Kid" and is doing well. One of the things I do for her is her Manicures. I could take her to get her nails done, but I find it therapeutic for both of us to take the time to give her the manicure myself. There is something special about the time we have together and when I am fileing or painting her nails we are holding hands. Precious and healing is the touch of a loved one.


Shared by: Georgette
VA
10/29/2013

ANYONE taking care of a loved one who needs help should contact the Area Agency on Aging. Through them my mom has been placed into a daycare program that helps her social skills and my sanity. Of course, since I work a full time job, I am never home without her unless I schedule a day off. This makes it difficult to do things like clean her room or spend time with my 13 yr old. Another program is project lifesavers. This program puts a bracelet on the patient with a GPS tracking device. The Sheriff comes and changes batteries periodically and it provides great peace of mind. In some places it is even FREE. God Bless all of you who are out there trying so hard, facing frustration and hardships. Don't feel defeated, brush yourself off, get up and treat yourself to a much needed break.


Shared by: Innovative Living Homecare
Exton PA
10/28/2013
Time: 09:25 AM

Comments

We are providing care services for a quadriplegic who needs to be turned every 2 hours while sleeping at night. Caregivers can fall asleep sometimes and need to be woken up if this ever happens. Is there a device/technology that can be used (outside of baby monitor to alert the caregiver to wake up! Some kind of remote contact buzzing device will be excellent. Thoughts??


Shared by: Sandy
Yuba City, CA
10/24/2013

Caregivers must take care of themselves. Must keep certifications, licenses, and other online or offline education current.


Shared on: 10/23/2013

I am looking for someone to stay with me, before, during and after knee replacement surgery. Do a bit of cooking, cleaning and take me places like dr, store pharmacy. You would have your own bedroom and Bath, And somesalary if interested contact me at nellbrakin@sbcglobal.net. Thanks


Shared by: Karen
Greensboro, NC
10/22/2013

My mother is in denial that I need help as her caregiver and I am severely burned out. She refuses to get help, allow anyone to help, or believes that I need to get away. what to do?


Shared by: Mistreated
California
10/18/2013

A Veteran who is homebound because of a illness and it does have to be service related may qualify for Aid & attendance pension. This pension caters to the caregiver. Take advantage of all the resources, I filed for my dad he had alz, I was caregiver however, my mom was his POA for health careand wouldn't meet with va careproviders to plan his care. We missed out on Respite care, training for Caregiver, caregiver support AND I JUST found OUT the VA would supply MEDICAL COVERAGE for the CAREGIVER if they don't have it. Unfortunately I found a week after my Dad passed ( aug 16, 2013) Before he passed va supplied his hospital bed, ramps and bathroom rails at no charge. At the last 6 mos a NP and MD stopped by our home and to assist. So check the wartimes and if the vet served apply now it will help. SADLY.....I left employement and my apartment over 4 yrs ago to help my parents. My mom as AMD legally blind. I am being kicked to the curb via a eviction notice. I didn't receive any of the VA pension or compensation from any sibling, life ins. zilch. I over 50 single tired and homeless. I pawned belongings to stay in a motel tonite.


Shared by: Sue
Chesterfield, VA
10/17/2013

My Mom, who has dementia and lives with my husband and I, loves animals. Throughout the day I show her YouTube videos of animal antics that makes her smile and laugh. I often take photos of our pets and print them off for her to look at. She may not remember the specifics, but the feel-good emotion of happiness stays with her all day and helps her to get a good night's sleep.


Shared by: Konchita
Laredo TX
10/16/2013

What to do to avoid someone with early dementia to continue driving.


Shared by: Cathy
NJ
10/15/2013

Answering the question of why to call you home care business, how about Merci, or mreci beaucoup. I am new here, and have read some of your stories and tips graciously taking them to heart. I'm taking care of my 83 year old mother who.has dementia. She is like an infant on the wrong schedule, awake at nights. I have a restaurant with my husband and it's very busy, and demanding. I work 6 days 10-3, but in two or three hours it's like working nine, that's how busy we are. I've recently had to hire. A aide to come while I'm at work, mother needs help bathing, walking and eating. She probably sleeps all day, so at night she's awake. I get 2-3 hours of sleep at night, I'm exhausted. I try to take a nap but some one else comes home and I wake. My three kids live at home still, 28,22,17. School and working. The problem I have is losing my patience with her cause I'm exhausted, no sooner I fall asleep and she needs to get changed, by the way she won't sleep in bed, I bought a baby monitor, but she got out of bed and went down the steps herself, she doesn't have good balance, already fel down the steps going up them, wound up in care one for a month. Came home in July and I've been sleeping on the sofa since( horrible for my own relationship with husband). Last night I couldn't take it anymore, and screamed at her, I feel horrible, it was the eve of my holiday, the holiest of my religion , Islam. Of all nights this is the night that God forgives us of our sins, even as I was yelling I knew this. And I knew it was wrong, not just by God but even in my soul! It's very frustrating, I'm angry with my brothers, they don't even call, since I told them she was being moved from hospital to care facility , then to home.my husband tells me to call them, I tried one brother, said he would visit, still hasn't two weeks ago, only lives an hour away. I know we all have busy lives but I think mine is a little more. They leave their work at work, I can't do that I'm in my own business that's open seven days a.week, when someone calls out I have to go in, besides taking care of her 7 days a week. I can barely go to the store, I have to threaten her and scare her about falling, so she don't get up and walk around. I'm sorry I guess I just need to vent. Husband has more patience then me, always reminds me that it's my duty, to her and God, that's why God chose me and not my brothers, constantly tells me to forgive them, I don't know if I can, it's very hard, I'm crying right now in mixed emotions, I don't know what to do. Does seem wrong for me to maybe lock her in her room. I need sleep, i feel I'm going to have a nervous breakdown sometimes. She doesn't get Medicaid cause I have to deplete her money till she has just 1300.00 a month to qualify. The aide I have is so nice, but she is expensive 450 a week from 9-3 under the table. If I get Medicaid , would they allow me to keep her for my mothers care?


Shared by: Nicole
Missouri
10/13/2013

I have a question a elderly man asked me to take care of him he lives in a nursing home right now.. but i wanted to kno if i had to be certified to take care of him.. he fell a few months back but hes fine now.. please help i need answers


Shared by: Deb
Massachusetts
10/13/2013

This isn't a tip.... but a message for ALL YOU CARE GIVERS out there. God bless you all for sacrificing your time to be so caring and selfless. Care giving is the hardest job in the world, but God chose you to take care of your loved one because you are the only one that can do the job right. ONE DAY LIFE WILL BECOME EASIER, and you will be richer for the countless days that you were always right there to take care of the sick and the elderly. Remember...Life isn't measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. God bless all care givers!


Shared by: PWE
HOUSTON
10/11/2013

SHOULD ALL OF MY FREE TIME BE EXPECTED FROM MY DAD TO HELP MY MOM WITH ALZHEIMERS ?


Shared by: Francisco Estrella
10/09/2013

I worked with an Alzheimer's client for almost eight years and he learned and enjoyed to whistle, sing and dance shortly after I started working with him. I was told he was not a dancer but I knew he loved chocolates so I would tell him he won a chocolate for best dancer, his dancing was me just rocking him back and forth in my arms as we stood, so I started whistling and he started imitating most of the times he would only blow out air but he was just as happy as if he were whistling. I also clapped whenever he finished dancing or singing and he learned to also clap and give hugs and pats on my back (something he did on his own) towards the end it was very difficult for him to bear weight but i got some priceless hugs and back rubs and one "I ove u" from him even though he had not spoken for over a year and a half. Any type of engagement will make a connection although not always as we expected but most where positive. Just holding him while we sat and watched TV or listed to books on cds made a world of a differences he connected and responded in his own little way sometimes he would rest his head on my shoulders and other he would completely turn his head the other way like saying not know, please leave me alone. But the most important thing I was able to do for him was help him conserve his dignity for some reason it was always very important for him to use the restroom and on his death bead after being in hospice for over three years he refused to have a BM in bed he fidgeted and moaned and groaned for over three hour and I knew he had to go I could see it. I keep telling him to go that it was ok, by this stage in his illness it was very unsafe for me to get him up but I had to do it’s what he wanted so I told him I would get him to the commode and as soon as he sat down he let it all out with a sigh of relieve which I rarely saw in him, I got him back to bed he fell to sleep like a baby :) and passed away a few days later. A lot of the others care givers he had always gave him pain medication when he got this way as much as I explained the signs he would use to informer us that he needed to use the restroom I don't believe they were ever able to understand him. He was aware to the very end of BMS and if nothing ales I feel he was conscious of his dignity till the day he died. Do not under estimate the ability to have a dignified BM probably one of the last things anyone wants to lose control over. Pease always toiled them whenever possible and safety allows, they will thank you in their own way.


Shared by: BD
NJ
10/08/2013

One of the most under used doctors for seniors are Geriatric Psychiatrists. They are doctors that specialize with patients who have Alzheimer's, Dementia, etc. My mother's doctor diagnosed my mother 4 years ago and turned her life around by prescribing the correct mix of medication to first lift and treat her treat Depression, which she deals with now. He also monitors the progression of her Alzheimer's and hasn't adjusted her medication in two years. I don't even know these doctors existed until my friend told me about them. Highly recommend you find one in your area asap. Best move I ever made. P.S. He has also become my Psychiatrist and treating me for my Depression as the caregiver for my mother


Shared by: Mell
Kent Wash
10/07/2013

Taking care of someone is tough but just put yourself in there position and you might find it better, like the man says walk a mile in there shoes.


Shared by: Sherryl Cm
Orange County, CA
10/07/2013

Susan from Boston? I feel you need some help. Here are some numbers for the offices on aging in Boston. Not knowing where you are, they will direct you to the proper office: Area Agency on Aging (800)544-5242, MA and Area Agency on Aging, (508) 675-2101, 1 Father Devalles Blvd, #8, Fall River, MA 02723 Here in California we have an orange county 211 number that has access to many non-profit companies who provide no-fee or low-fee assistance and may be able to help with your ramp. Churches too, sometimes provide assistance. Our local community colleges have incredible nursing programs and it may be worthwhile to contact their instructor to see if part of their volunteer program can be used in your household. More phone calls, I know but I think they may be able to help you or set you in the right direction. Talk to your dad's doctors. Tell them you need help. They should also be able to provide information. And to Susan in Illinois regarding your post to Susan in Boston: It was incredibly disheartening to read your post. Not everyone shares the same emotions when caring for a family member. She didn't say she didn't love her father. She expressed her frustration about the situation and looking for support. I feel your "shame on you" post was irrational, unthinkingly harsh and misdirected and misguided.


Shared by: KJ
Wisconsin
10/07/2013

To Susan in Boston, In the past with both my Father and Uncle who were both kept at home to live instead of homes, we found that TEXAS CATHS, OR CONDOM CATHS were the answer and it is not something that a medical pro needs to insert or remove, and these slip on caths do not carry the increased risk of UTIs as long as they are properly applied and the area is cleaned regularly. It can be used intermittently for those times when you know you cannot do a complete change or when going to and from appts as well as overnite. They are also more acceptable to the men as it is NON INVASIVE.... I have been in health care for over 30 years starting with candystriping and on to VA and then home care for loved ones...my mother is the real hero and came up with safe tricks in patient care that SHOULD BE TAUGHT TO OUR YOUNG C.N.A.s...(my mom is a teeny tiny woman age 75 and until her oldre brother passed she MOSTLY SINGLE HANDEDLY did complete care. my uncle was a large man,blind,didnt walk, stand or really even turn in bed so she could change him ) if any of this helps any one out there it would make me glad.


Shared by: Jessica Loya
Houston Texas
10/07/2013

I need help please! My brother n law was shot not log ago and the is in a wheel chair now. They say he is Paralyze from his waist down but he feels lots of pain in his legs. Here is where I need help in my heart he will be able to walk again we just need to get him the care and therapy he deserves. Who can I call to get this information. I need someone to help me fast. I feel like he is very depressed as well and may do something to himself. Please someone anyone help me.


Shared by: Deb
Lawrence
10/06/2013

To Susan in Boston
I feel for you and your situation. I'm a full time caregiver for my Mom, and she also has many issues with fluid retenton and takes lasiks. It's been a tough road... and others don't understand that it is full time work. My mother has been very sick for the past 8 months with congestive heart failure, and in and out of hospital and rehabs... she is so precious to me and I've een blessed to ha e her this long (she's 88), but quite often it's a struggle. I work full time, and have a special needs child and although we have pca help.. it's sf ill so hard. Mom's been living with us for 8 years and we have very little down time for a day off or vacations. Susan you are not alone....many of us are experiencing the same thing.


Shared by: Christina Reaves
Wadley, Alabama
10/05/2013

Vets who need full time caregiver and vet spouses can qualify for VA program called Aid and Attendant. No, you don't have to be certified. It is to help pay for the needs and rising cost to vets such as a caregiver living with them. It is added to the check they already receive. Just google VA aid and attendant or go to local VA office they will help you completely...


Shared by: D K Johnson
USA
10/03/2013

I get the large size of plastic wrap and place it over containers before applying the lids. Keeps foods fresher and makes opening the lids A LOT EASIER for Mom.


Shared by: D K Johnson
United States
10/03/2013

I use plastic shoe boxes to "organize" items in tthe refrigherator - then it's easy to grab a shoebox and take it's contents to the conter with no spilling. Helps a lot since Mom has Vertigo and it limits 'bending". It's a lot safer. Nothing gets "stuck' in the back of the frig". One box has veggies and one has meats, another one has desserts etc.


Shared by: Deaniel P.
Texas
10/03/2013

Express your feelings and emotions without fear or guilt. Find a way to get the words out so they don't stay bottled and implode. Two years ago my mother had a stroke leaving her upper right side paralized. She still tries to do things that are no longer safe. After 4 days of falling and numerous visits from the hospice nurses, I was so frustrated because there was nothing I could do to make her use the cane or wheelchair. I expressed my feelings in a poem, said some prayers and went to see my therapist. That was this morning.

Falling Away
By Deaniel Plumley - October 3rd, 2013
Falling, falling, tripping and falling.
Cane, wheelchair, caregiver - no matter…
Falling, falling, tripping and falling.
Anger, frustration, tears, finally empathy - no matter…
Falling, falling, tripping and falling.
Floor, furniture, walls - no matter…
Falling, falling, tripping and falling.
I pick you up and carefully set you down - no matter…
Falling, falling, tripping and falling.
Bandages, blood, bruises, fractures and stitches - no matter…
Falling, falling, tripping and falling.
One day, one last time,
I pick you up and gently set you down - it does matter…
Now, there can be no more falling, falling, tripping and falling.

I love you, Mother. You have always been such a strong and independent woman. Seeing you stubbornly fight for independence as your body weakens is very difficult and heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine how you must feel when seemingly simple tasks are now dangerous or impossible. You are not alone, let us help you. You don’t have to fall.


Shared by: Katherine Zant
Kansas
09/30/2013

I have just moved in with my mom after hip surgery. We have purchased a hospital bed for her but they don't have rails on the side from foot to head just at the head and she tries to get out at night when she wakes up.She keeps me up all night because she is restless in her sleeping does anyone have any ideas of what to put up on the sides that are open to keep her in bed? We have looked at kids sides u can put on twin beds to keep toddlers in but they are to big for the hospital bed. Has anyone come up with a great fix to this problem?


Shared by: Anita
Barnstable, MA
09/24/2013

My mother doesn't pay attention taking her meds, she is very combative, and will not follow simple directions, but she is mentally fluid. She has diabetes, and now just had a minor TIA. Her home health aide buys her éclairs and we can not stop her because she hired her. She just came home from a three days in the hospital because of the TIA and she is defiant because she still taking éclairs even though she just was told her artery is 70% blocked in her neck. She is in her mid eighties. We do not want to place her in a nursing home because we promised her she will stay at home as long as she ambulatory, which she still is, thank God. We are trying to respect her dignity but it is now out of hand. It is total madness living in the house. She will not wash, prefers to stay in soiled clothes. She says she doesn't want to be a bother???? A hell of lot of control issues and very combative. She will not follow any order or sense of activities for daily living. Does anyone have any insight and recommendations? Please HELP!!!


Shared by: Tami Harpke
Florida
09/24/2013

How can family learn I need as a permanently disabled adult that medications doctors say is necessary for me when they will not! They say they know more than doctors. Feel isolated, as well as discriminated, constantly yelled at and put down, also a burden to them. I am believing they are right although I have had a very traumatic past. I am scared! I love them


Shared from: Florida
09/20/2013

For Ryan who is looking for housing alternatives for his father; see if Personal Care Homes are able to be licensed in the Bay Area and where you may find them. In many states people can be licensed to care for up to 3 people in their home, provide housing, meals, etc. without a license. For over 3 people they need a license, but the bonus is the family type environment that is provided. You can always look into a Life Line type of device for him to wear in the home, that he can press if he were to need emergency help. Call the local hospital and see what company they work with for a home alert system. If they do not do that Google: Phillips Life Line Alert. A number of options will come up for similar services. Many don't require a contract. That is the route I would go to try it, if you think it would help. Good luck.


Shared by: Ryan L.
San Jose CA
09/18/2013

My father suffered a stroke a couple months ago and is still in the process of learning to walk again. I am trying to find him a place in the Bay Area where he can have more independent living. There would need to be someone on call that could help him in a emergency. But besides that he seems to be doing OK by himself. Most places that I found are for seniors and are very expensive. Does anyone have any ideas? Any help at all would be appreciated


Shared by: Mary
Foxboro MA
09/17/2013

Looking to find caring person to help out young girl who has a domestic violence case foreclosed on home and needs some assistance as soon as possible the wait for housing is long list she just needs help with rental assiantance and has a boy in school and can't seem to get help right away if any one out there has a heart it would be appreciated if we could find her some funds to move on.


Shared by: Brenda
NC
09/15/2013

I am a full time caregiver to an 85yr old elderly friend that now lives with me. He is a retired vet. He has medicare and tricare for life. Does anyone know if I have to be a license caregiver to be paid by his insurance? Or where I can find this information for NC?


Shared by: Richard
Western Michigan
09/14/2013

If a state wants to take your home prior to providing care for your loved one, investigate getting a LADYBIRD deed to protect your home. My sister and I did that and prevented Michigan from taking our home.


Shared by: Joy Fox
Victoria BC
09/12/2013

My husband is in an advanced stage of Parkinson's. he exercises on a treadmill in the garage. He really wanted to go swimming but I knew this would be impossible for him and for me to manage. I found a Kinesologist at the local swimming pool who is now giving him private lessons in the pool - at present it is just keeping his balance in the water and he is making good progress so we will continue with the lessons. He may never get back to swimming but this program has given him hope. It is good for me too because I get to go in free as his caregiver and I can swim some lengths in the big pool while he is having his lessons in the shallow pool. He also wanted to get back to lifting weights and he used to use his bench to lift weights. I had put it away to discourage him as I thought it would be dangerous to do this. I asked a friend to set up the bench and weights up again and my husband quickly realized those days were gone. As an incentive I set up a padded seat with hand weights so that he can sit and do some upper body exercises. This is working well and the bench press and weights have gone to a new home.


Shared by: Julie
Virginia
09/11/2013

My sister and I are the main care givers for our mom who has dementia, congestive heart failure and other health issues that are being maintained with medications from the doctors. She gets around with a walker, though very slow due to the arthritis in her knee. Her feet are swollen, and we use a wheelchair when we take her out of the house. We have several siblings, but don't want to discuss them. It is really hard because we can only be there at lunch and dinner. We have created a schedule (for all the siblings living in town) for someone to be there every day at lunch and every evening at dinner and makes sure she eats and gets her pills. The primary issues are the phone calls. She will call, leave a message that she is confused on what is happening today please call me or in tears saying she is so lonely what am I supposed to do. Then she will immediately call back and say the same thing or just hang up and call again. This can happen anywhere from 4 - 15 calls in 5 - 10 minutes. Then it may start over again later in the day. This goes on all day every day. We cannot answer the phone every time. Her Geriatric doctor tells us that this is always worse on the caregiver, because she won't remember she has done it. Sometimes I feel really guilty for not answering but after 2 or 3 calls, I know what she is going to say and I just have to ignore the call, though it doesn't make it any better for me. It eats at me and I don't know what to do to lessen the anxiety on my part. She constantly prays as she painfully walks around the house. She has always been very active and never sat for any length of time. So this is very hard on her as she won't just sit and watch TV and put her feet up. I don’t know how to help her or help myself. Any Advice?


Shared by: Kathy Genga
Groron conn.
09/11/2013

Advice please, at what point do you give notice ?? The family I work for as a live in feel I was wrong to ask for a day off,also, shes 94 and Im with her 24/7 the dr persribed an anxiety pill and the son wont let me use it, are you kidding me. I feel I am being taking advantage of. They wont get a bed alarm they said because Im here they wont get a baby monitor either, there making it hard to give good safe care all around.....help....me.


Shared by: Kathy Genga
Groron CT
09/11/2013

I am a live caregiver for an 94y.o. woman with the first stages of dementia. I find that posting large notes in bold writing around the house helps even for that day, she reads them each day as its her first time seeing them.


Shared by: Kristine
CT
09/11/2013

To Susan from Boston. Reach out to the National MS Society chapter in your area. They can help you with referrals, educational programs and a support group. They also have a 24 hour help line.


Shared by: Susan
Illinois
09/10/2013

To Susan from Boston: Shame on you! I was the caregiver for both of my parents and continued to hold their hands even as they took their last breaths. I lost my Daddy 11/25/12. I lost my brother 2 weeks later on 12/10/12... He hung himself. I feel so bad. I never knew my brother was hurting even worse than me. Our Mama had Alzheimer's and I lost her on 3/19/13. I cry every day... sometimes ALL day, every day. I have another brother that is 58. He wants to be a cowboy when he grows up. He looks forward every year to his birthday and Santa. He was born with the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times and his tongue was fused to the bottom of his mouth and had to be cut free. He is permanently disabled. I continue to take care of him. I lost my parents and my brother; I lost my 3 best friends. Be so thankful for every minute that you have with your loved ones. I'm so sad and so lonely. The state is wanting to take away their home. I can't afford to hire the Elder Law Attorney that could possibly help. I wish I could turn back time. Sometimes you don't realize the best moments of your life until those moments are gone.


Shared by: Love
Mongolia
09/10/2013

In Mongolia wheelchair person living very hard condition some of them have not urine bottle they at home without sausepan lid. Some of them using bag it's a liter. Person urine more than a liter.If this bag full out put pot it is real thing. One of my friend has this condition, sometimes i visit her have little smell. Now i decide buy for her urine big bottle but it's made have to plastic do you know any plastic bag website and cheap? I'm student i have not enough money i'll collect my money i have to buy it. Do you know any international help org i also want to change her wheelchair . Her wheelchair is broken and heavy. She 36 years old. If i talk about her I'll write book. Her buttocks to dead. She mostly at home on the bed. I too much worry her living condition


Shared by: Teresa
Pennsylvania
09/10/2013

I need your help I help take care of an older gentleman and there are times he forgets to take his medicine when no one is around. Is there any suggestions. Thank you


Shared by: Cleo
09/09/2013

Im a caregiver for my mum 78 who has mobility issues and other health concerns... I moved to her home more than 2 yrs ago when my Dad passed away due to cancer.. My mum said she did not want to live on her own and and asked me generally because I was more reliable than my two brothers... At times it was just too hard work mentally for both my mum and me includes physically at times too for my 2 brothers to be more actively involved when my dad was sick, and when mum had her heart attack when she came home from hospital, I thought everyone would be logical in the process to caring for mum but everything went wrong my mum made my transition from where I lived for 14 yrs to back to the parents home very difficult as well as my brothers... it was like a cinderlla story, mum and two ugly brothers ... happy for me to do what they wanted, but I wasn't and made me feel very uncomfortable living in the home... but if I was to move out I would feel guilty cause there are activities that she cannot do... but my brothers cannot do them for her either I am the only one that can... she likes living in her home but resents me being there. Because im unhappy that my brothers have very little time to see her or just don't make an effort and prefer to have phone calls instead quality visits face to face which upsets me cause they do so little , whereas I've turned my whole life upside down to suit all 3 of em..... now I regret even more than ever to moving , and helping my mum and others when they needed it.... cause everyone says. I made the choice to live with my mum... I should not be upset... whereas cause my brothers don't live with my mum... they are not obligated to visit her..... Yes im trying to de-stress also.... mum says she does not want to sell the house, she threatens me now with if you dont like living here why do you not leave with my 2 dogs... at the start when dad died they were looking after my dogs she said dont take the dogs from her cause they are what got her thru dads death.... its like my life is not balancing well, lots of things keep going wrong.... im not as bad as some here, but im mentally and physically drained at times...


Shared by: Holly
Corona
09/08/2013

What I find is gentle touch to a hand or shoulder while you are directing them to the next step. Also a very soft and gentle voice while speaking slowly, this calms them and reasures their trust in you. With our elderly we just can't expect speed, they are not going to move any faster weather we are frantic or not. Keep the anxiety to a minimum for you and them. Patience is on the top of the list.


Shared by: Dd
Canada
09/07/2013

I give my mom morning pills between 430 am and 530 am I seem to catch the pain before she normally wakes up to start her day. I accindently slept in today and gave it to her at 730, she was in a lot of pain :( , make a schedule on when giving her pain pills it seems to circle around that time everyday most days so just give her pain pills at that time regardless if she feels it just so u catch the pain before it happens.


Shared by: Samantha
Texas
09/06/2013

Laughter is the best medicine! Tell a joke that's right up your clients'/loved ones' alley and see their mood instantly brighten! Keep the grim atmosphere as light as possible! Your emotional assistance is just as crucial as your physical assistance. Even when YOU are having a hard day tell a joke, crack a smile, tease a little bit... Sometimes you have to fake it before you can make it!


Shared by: Marsha
Pittsburgh, PA
09/06/2013

My Mother has made arrangements for her care but has not shared them with ALL 4 children. Her recent fractured femur from a fall proved to make me aware that my sister is in CHARGE! I did know she was POA but the position she holds has made her obnoxious towards me & my brother. She's over controlling and has made the dynamics more clear only through this recent difficulty. She seems to want to handle it all, wants us to know that she knows best and if she needs help she'll let us know I GUESS. I'm a nurse but that means NOTHING obviously. I have already begun to resent her and my Moms choice may not have been the best but it certainly is her right to make that choice. I just wish it were all more clear because I don't really know my position clearly. It's best to talk with all children before something happens but obviously she only talked with my sister and possibly to my brother. I feel like an outsider and it seems as if my sister is enjoying this. How would anyone else handle this? Need some good advice.


Shared by: Lori
Florida
09/06/2013

Hi Gloria, I have adult son recently disabled mentally. Also 91 year old Alzheimer mother in my home who is total care. Does son get medicaid or SSI? Can he go to a group home? I have the same concerns. With Alzheimers there are a lot of resources, with young adults not much. Respond and we can see how to help each other.


Shared by: Gloria
Connecticut
09/03/2013

Hi. I have seen many tips and services for caregivers of parent(s) or spouses but nothing for a parent who is a caregiver to their adult, disabled child. My resources are dwindling and I don't know what to do. Does anyone know of any financial assistance out there for parents in my situation??? Help, Please.


Shared by: Sparky
Kansas
09/02/2013

I spoke to my lawyer and was told that srs could not take all of my wife's social security and retirement. The srs said they will take all of her money. I'll be homeless unless I can all the house?


Shared by: Sparky
Kansas
09/02/2013

I'm very depressed, my wife has Alzheimer's. She will be in a nursing home at some point. I still owe on our home, so when the state puts her on Medicaid and her money, I'll be left with $900.00 to live on. I won't survive and will. Have to sell our home. What am I to do?


Shared by: Rose
Dallas TX
08/30/2013

joyce: last month you asked about keeping your dad dry... I agree hospice diapers and pad are terrible. What did you end up using?


Shared by: Roberta Powers
Cleveland, Ohio
08/29/2013

I have been sole caregiver of my mother for four years. her illness is pulmonary hypertension. She is currently hospitalized and in in need of a skilled nursing facility but due to the high cost of her medication she is being denied care in any nursing facility. Has anyone else encountered this problem.




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