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LET'S TALK ABOUT IT  | Let's Talk ArchiveCarenotes

Let's Talk

Welcome to Let's Talk About It.  In this special section we will feature the question/topic of the month and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to participate, just follow the link provided at the end of the question/topic and add your comments and thoughts.

Question/Topic for May--June 2011

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Name: Constance JM Musgrove
Location: Bridgeville, DE
Date: 07/07/2011
Time: 06:54 AM


To Judy K, I have been where you are. Please know that just because he is there, and you are home, does not mean that YOU DON'T HAVE A VOICE IN THE SITUATION! STAND FIRM, SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART, AND DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER...You are the one who knows him best. Your lives don't have to change because he is away. It just means you travel more :) Please take care of YOURSELF. Don't feel guilty about having lunch w/friends, getting a hair cut, or shopping. He will need to "settle" in, and you will need to make those adjustments. My Prayers are with you :)

Name: Constance JM Musgrove
Location: Bridgeville, DE
Date: 07/05/2011
Time: 08:43 AM


Goodmorning to all, who, Willingly Care for those you love! I am a caregiver to my Momma (83)and my Daddy (86). I, also, care for two grandsons, who are Autistic. Their ages are 7 and 17. When the opportunity arose, to have my parents come and live with the boys, and me, I had just lost my husband, of 30 years. Although my house "seemed" full, with just the boys and me, the Lord had other plans :) They have been with us since Oct.30, 2010, and each day is a Learning experience. Old School meets the challenge, of "special," with a lot of tears and joys along the way. Even though I get stressed and stretched to the limit, the Lord is there to touch my shoulders, and give me the PEACE that I need. To those of you, who need that boost, KEEP ON, KEEPING ON :)

Date: 07/04/2011
Time: 04:15 PM


Please wake up. Medicare takes care of it all ! Thank God for the government. Put him in Hospice. Medicare pays for even the diapers. Sends someone to bathe him and care for him as needed. I could not make it without them. And I doubt if your Mom and sibling is keeping him alive. He just is not ready. Man, I have the same problems.

Name: barbara
Location: san diego
Date: 06/29/2011
Time: 08:49 PM


I am a professional caregiver and I am having a hard time with the family of the lady I am caring for. The main problem is that the son said that his mother smelled. So i decided to put a shower chair in the shower and use a hand held shower to wash her off. She is completely deaf without her hearing aid so I can not tell her what I am going to do before washing a body part. The chair helped and so did the hand held shower device. She refuses to use soap, but I have to use it or she will stink. She screams when I wash her and tries to push my hand away. I have warmed up some towels and used them after the shower because she complains that she is cold- she hates those too. The son took the shower chair out of the shower so now I will not be able to wash her easily. Next time I am going to put my bathing suit on and wash her. Any ideas?

Name: Judy K
Location: Minneapolis, Mn.
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 01:00 PM


I have recently put my husband in a care center and I am having a hard time coping. Need help in keeping my spirits up!

Name: Karyn
Location: VT
Date: 05/23/2011
Time: 11:11 AM


If you have not already done so, please consider contacting a home health agency about hospice care.

Name: julie
Location: Ozark, AR
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 06:28 AM


My 83 year old dad has been terminally ill for about 6 months now. After a lengthy stay in the hospital, he is now home with my mother. He requires almost constant care of some sort. Myself and 2 of my siblings are providing most of the care, as my mother really isn't able to provide much of the care. He stated 2 months ago that "he was ready to go home to his Father", but my mom and one of my siblings badgered him not to give up, and continue to do so now. He is receiving nearly all of his food, water, and medicines through his tube, that has to be dispensed about every 2 hours. He can no longer use the bathroom by natural means. I feel like he is ready to give up, but can't because some family members refuse to let him go, and he is suffering terribly and the caregivers and their families are suffering as well with 2-3 days and nights at a time being spent away from our families. Due to their insurance situation, there is little home health, it is a drop in the bucket of what he actually needs. He isn't going to make it, and my mother is making things even worse by dogging him constantly about not giving up, and insisting on keeping him alive. One sibling backs her on this as well. Our mother also seems to think we still aren't doing enough, and I want to ask her "well, should we all just get divorced and quit our jobs and give up our children so we can devote 24/7 to you and Dad?" I think he thinks he will "let them down" if he says nothing else in the tube! How do I get through to them that this is a terrible situation for him and everyone? I love my dad, but it is torture seeing him badgered into being kept alive. And yes, he still has his faculties and communicates with us. I hope I dont sound cold-hearted, because I'm not. How do I get it through to my mother and sibling that can't let go, and are torturing him and hurting our families in the process?



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