This past weekend I went to the hospital. Actually, I was in a local hospital’s conference center speaking to caregivers at the Scleroderma Foundation’s annual South Florida conference. But the way I was feeling, I wish I was sleeping upstairs in one of the rooms. (Or since it was a hospital, at least trying to sleep.)  Yet, not even my annual change of season head cold could keep me away from this appointment.  I don’t know of anyone who has ever been able to say “no” to our host, Ruth Greenspan. An indomitable 90 year old force of nature with more energy than I will ever posses, good friend and Master of Ceremonies, Ruth makes it easy to figure out when you have gone over your allotted speaking time. When Ruth starts to take the walk from her seat to the stage, you know that you’d better wrap it up, and quick.

As with most of the conferences I have ever attended, the participants at this event were dealing with multiple care issues; caring for spouses and children with Scleroderma, parents with Alzheimer’s, diabetes and strokes and of course, handling their own care issues at the same time. A true “Club Sandwich Generation” crowd.  So it was not a real surprise when the conversation came around to the subject of Living Wills. I was particularly taken with one caregiver who raised her hand and said that although she is in favor of Advanced Directives, her wish was to not fill out a DNR (Do Not Resituate) form and that all measures were to be taken no matter what medical condition she was in at the time. 

I had to stop and think about it for a moment, but she was absolutely right. So much of the conversation on Advanced Directives I have heard over the past few years has to do with a loved one’s decision to have a say in the conversation when “enough is enough.”  But, if the family has had an open and honest conversation about a loved one’s wishes (or your wishes, for that matter) and a decision has been reached, then whatever their choice is, it should be respected and adhered to when the situation arises.  If that preference goes against the grain of the rest of the family, so be it.  If your loved one was medically and legally able to make the decision regarding his or her end of life care and if all parties have been heard before the paperwork had been signed, then exercising their wishes at the appropriate time is truly where you can show your love for your loved one by allowing them to have their voice be heard at a time they need it most.  

 

Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com