Don't think Alzheimer's experts know any more than
you about Alzheimer's behaviors. They don't. So, your
guess is as good as theirs. And, speaking as a
longtime Alzheimer's dementia caregiver, frankly I
think caregiver guesses are better than most other
people's. So there! In
my workshops, I always encourage family caregivers to
guess. If the first guess seems to be wrong, guess
again. Always be prepared to try something new when
dealing with solving a difficult behavior.
And, by the way, it’s only difficult for
you, which is really worth thinking even harder
about. Not that you don’t matter because, of course,
you do. It’s just that sometimes we’ll label a
behavior as difficult and then we’ll fight to stop
that behavior. To retrain our person. To make them
learn that it’s not what we want.
Boy, now there’s a way to make yourself
feel crazy. When we’re specially stressed, we
caregivers can get stubborn and locked into our own
demands. That’s because of the tightening up we
experience as stress. Weary, grieving and
overwhelmed, we just don’t tend to say to ourselves,
“Now, how can I find a better way to solve this
problem?” No, we tend to mutter between our clenched
teeth, “If he (or she) doesn’t stop doing that, I’m
going to go crazy!”
So, figuring out how to find a solution to any
dementia behavior problem should be preceded by a
warm scented bath, or a session at the gym, a movie
you love and then your own self-consulting care plan
conference.
So now let’s fast-forward to that relaxed
state in which you can ask yourself, ”What exactly
is this behavior about and how can I find a
solution?” People don’t do things only
because they have dementia. Yes, they do have
short-term memory issues. And, yes, they are usually
unable to do rational step-by-step thinking. Even
given those two unfixable issues, people with
dementia have a very wide range of possibility in
the behaviors they demonstrate.
So, why is your person doing that
particular thing? That’s what you have to make
guesses about. Your person is targeted on doing what
will bring a desired emotional result. That you
don’t want them to wander is your problem. Even if
you pointed out that certain things are dangerous
for them, it means nothing. Why not?
Because they don’t remember what the problem was
with what they did. And anyway, they feel like
that’s what they want to do. And you can’t
fight dementia.
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