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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk


Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote

My father is 64 will be 65 this next month He has been addicted to pills off and on for the last 10 years. He is having issues getting these pills due to lack of transportation. He also has diabetes with a below the knee amputation. How can I get him into a nursing home? He does not have dementia, but his priority is pills and he is not caring for himself very well. His house is a filthy and he has damage all over the house. He will not move or accept help. Please tell me how to help him.

Shared by Angela

Shared by: Nancy

I went through a similar situation with my elderly mother. You can call your local Adult Protective Services and express your concerns that your father is unable to care for himself adequately. They can do a welfare check on him at home, but he has the right of self-determination to refuse any assistance in obtaining resources that would benefit him. As a prior long-term-care ombudsman (resident advocate), I know that if he does not want to be in a skilled nursing facility, he can leave at any time even as an unsafe discharge. I would suggest calling your local Area Agency on Aging and ask to speak to someone in the Caregiver Support Program (go to to find your AAA). If they offer caregiver education or support groups, you will learn tips and tricks that will assist you in providing support for him while at the same time respect his right to make decisions that may not be in his best interest. Best wishes to you.

Shared by: Patricia

If he is legally competent you can't force him. But given the conditions is he legally competent? You might have to go to court, have him declared incompetent and yourself named as guardian. This is a lot of ifs. But. If you jnow of anyone whose opinions he does attend to, you might get them to work on convincing him that things cannot remain as they are.

Shared by: Lily

I don't have an answer for you, but just want you to know I hear you and understand - I am dealing with a similar situation and it is very overwhelming. Thoughts of peace to you today.

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