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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk


Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 6/10/14


I've been a caregiver for my husband who has had strokes, a heart attack, diabetes and other issues. It is hard work! He is now in a skilled nursing facility getting good care. I am crossing my fingers he can stay there. Still, lots of loneliness on my part. Friends and family come and go, some understand and some don't want to. I appreciate honest feedback too!
in Seattle, WA


Caregivers Reply

Shared by: Sharon

To thine own self be true. They (whoever they are) are not living your life with all of the situations and judgements you make every day. Even if you tell people in great detail about your situation, they are not living it. They have not sat in on all of the discussions you and your husband have had through the years. It is simple for them to toss off a criticism, they don't have to live with the outcome. You do. If your decision came from a good spot, do not give them the power to second-think your decisions. 24/7 is very different from dropping in for a visit or call and check.

Shared by: Nancy
San Antonio, TX

Congratulations on your tough decision to move your husband to skilled facility! Getting to that point is so hard, as I can tell firsthand from where I am now. My husband has progressive MS and is becoming so weak and depleted physically that he can hardly walk with his walker, yet insists on it. We are not old either, but this is making me feel ancient. Forging ahead with my life is feeling more and more challenging because the emotional energy is drained by the physical demands. I applaud you and just want to say allow yourself time to figure out your next steps. Certainly you are still connected to your husband, but the loneliness is so real that it can seem palpable. I relate on many levels and wish you the best! In my experience, friends either get it or not, so enjoy the caring of the sincere, available people in your life and let go of the destructive energy that too many people seem willing to share. :)

Shared by: Bette

Please give yourself mini vacations! I'm sure you go to visit your husband often, if not daily, and have conferences with his medical team. Take time for yourself! If someone hasn't called you for a while, they may think they don't want to "bother" you! Call THEM. Check out places you can go for a day trip (you can contact the local tourist bureau......and BE a "local tourist!"), or even stay overnight at a B & B, and make it a two-day trip. Check out volunteer opportunities you can participate in intermittantly, through the RSVP program, local hospital, or place of worship. Go to a park, and spend a quiet afternoon enjoying nature. Go to a play or the movies. Pamper yourself at a day-spa. You will come back to your husband more refreshed and relaxed.

Shared by: Kathy

Try new hobbies or activities you've always wanted to do and perhaps you'll meet some new people. And make new friends :)

Also look for the program Powerful Tools for Caregivers and you would meet others that have similar issues...

The true friends will be there no matter what.

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