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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk

Carenotes

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 11/26/13

 

My mother is in denial that I need help as her caregiver and I am severely burned out. She refuses to get help, allow anyone to help, or believe that I need to get away. What should I do?

Karen

 

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Name: Marsha Plehn
Location: San Diego California
Date: 12/17/2013
Time: 06:44 AM

Comments

How do any of you handle Care Giver "attachment?" My Father has a primary Care Giver who is beginning to overstep common boundaries, i.e. Accepting too much money when offered by my Father, and not conferring with me. She has started to record me on her cell phone without my permission, and as much as I know my Father has become dependent upon her, I feel as though "time is up." I have a husband who is handicapped and need to assist him with his day to day business. My solution would have been to move my Father into my home and hire an in home caregiver at my location. I don't want to upset my Father w/change. Suggestions?


Name: Patty
Location: Wilmington, DE
Date: 11/29/2013
Time: 07:23 PM

Comments

It is a caregivers responsibility to make decisions for the person they care for. You did not mention if your mom has Dementia or what her needs are. I can only speak for my self as a caregiver. My mother suffers from Dementia,so it might make it easier for me to do what's best for her care. I do not discuss things with mom that may cause her to get anxious or upset her. She does attend a day program and I have caregivers come to our home for her. Before I leave I assure her that the person is capable and there to keep her company Untill I return. I do not linger and the caregiver is well trained and takes right over to keep the transition a calm and relax experience. The key is picking the right caregiver...someone who is trained and experienced with yourMoms needs. You deserve and need time to get away from your duties. And don't feel guilty!!! We are only human...we are doing the best we can....everyone needs time off. you will be a better caregiver for your mom if you take care of you!!!! This could be a great chance for your mom to make some new friends also....I'm sure they get tired of us every day!!! Good luck...and take some time off!!!


Name:
Location:
Date: 11/26/2013
Time: 06:55 PM

Comments

Make arrangements to get the help that you need. Schedule another caregiver to take your place if needed while you are out. Let your Mom know you have done this (after you have done so) and follow through. Be firm. Helping YOU is your decision, not hers.


Name: Maxine Brink
Location: Everett WA
Date: 11/26/2013
Time: 08:26 AM

Comments

Denial is part of the disease. If your respite is a friend or paid companion, invite them for a visit as a friend of yours, include your mother and have a fun time. Later introduce the possibility that this friend come and visit again while you do an errand. Then do it and don't feel guilty.


 







 

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