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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk

Carenotes

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 10/01/13

 

My mother doesn't pay attention to taking her meds, is very combative, and will not follow simple directions for daily living, but is mentally fluid. She has diabetes and now a minor TIA. Her home health aide buys her éclairs and we cannot stop her because my mother hired her. My mother was told her artery is 70 percent blocked in her neck. She is in her mid-eighties.

We do not want to place her in a nursing home because we promised her she will stay at home as long as she is ambulatory, which she still is, thank God. We are trying to respect her dignity, but it is out of hand. It is total madness living in the house. She will not wash, prefers to stay in soiled clothes. Says she doesn't want to be a bother. A lot of control issues. Does anyone have any insight and recommendations? Please HELP!

Anita

  

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Name: Lindsey
Location: Iowa
Date: 10/15/2013
Time: 03:11 PM

Comments

Is there a chance you can try respite care for her and yourself for a week or so? Perhaps she can go to a care facility just for a short time and they will be able to make sure she is cleaned and will be able to get her back on a schedule conducive to her needs and medical care. It's so hard doing it alone. A lot of her issues are out of fear and confusion about what is happening to her. I wish the best. Seek assistance from case managers at a local hospital for advice. They are also good resources in the community.


Name: Rozz
Location: Virginia
Date: 10/01/2013
Time: 07:57 AM

Comments

Unfortunately, it sounds as if your mother has reached a state of mind and health in which you must begin to assert a significant degree of authority. It will probably be very uncomfortable in the very beginning and may never become totally comfortable for you, but the greater good is keeping your mom as healthy and safe as possible. In my experience and observation of others in similar situations, we started subtly and progressed to taking a firm stand on matters of critical importance. It sounds as if you need to move a little more quickly. An intervervention of some sort is in order concerning the aide. I'm not an expert so I'm not sure how far you can actually go since your mother hired her, but for starters it may help to be even more visible and vocal about your concens. I hope this helps in some way. Its a tough road, but you can do it.


 







 

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