I need help with my
94-year-old mother. I am sure she has
dementia and has for the last 7-8 months. I
need help with the dos and don'ts. So far, I
must be doing everything wrong. She asked me
to find assisted living for her. Then she
got mad when I did. Since then, we just
cannot talk without both of us getting
upset. If I tell her something that she
doesn't like, then I am mean and yelling at
her. I just don't know what to do.
Reply to Letter | View Comments
| Past Carenotes |
Time: 04:47 PM
Unless she was mean spirited before, please remember this anger she is displaying is the dementia talking and not your mom. It is frustrating to not know from one minute to the next how they will react, but it is very important for us as caregivers to remain calm, reassuring and not argue with them......that is for our benefit as well as theirs. I am not saying this is easy, but very important......breathe, then breathe again!
Location: Boston, MA
Time: 11:24 AM
I am dealing with a similar situation. I think a lot of the anger comes from fear, but that knowledge doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I have found Teepa Snow's
youtube videos helpful in understanding a little more about dementia. It is not an easy condition.
Location: Rockville, MD
Time: 06:39 AM
In situations like yours, it can be helpful to talk to a neutral third party, such as a social worker or geriatric care manager, for advice. If your mother has had not a medical evaluation for dementia by a neurologist, that would be the first step, so you can find out the cause of her symptoms (which might be treatable).
Location: Delco, PA
Time: 06:26 AM
First of all, you are NOT "doing everything wrong!" Dementia affects various portions of the brain, in different people. It's not you: It's "IT" (the dementia!) Your Mom's personality may be affected by the disease. She may become impatient and argumentative at times. She may take out her frustrations about forgetting important things or not understanding things she previously knew very well, on YOU, the "safe" person in her life. Read up on dementia, but then, find a support group for others going through similar experiences. You may be surprised by all the people who used to think that they were ALSO doing it wrong! You can exchange info on what you've learned, and find useful ways to cope.