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Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 07/09/13


I am overwhelmed with how to deal with my husband’s disabilities. He has had diabetes for over 20 years. In the past three, he has lost a leg below the knee, had eye problems and is now facing dialysis and a kidney transplant. I get so angry about all of it and my husband does not need to feel any worse about his condition then he already does. He did not do a good job of taking care of himself until the last five years—a little late. He is such a strong person, but this thing with his kidneys has really hit us hard. He will start dialysis this week and will be able to do it at home. Still, he has lost so much weight and is so tired right now. I work as a teacher so I am off over the summer, but I am having a very hard time dealing with what is happening to my husband. I am just worried to the point of exhaustion.

He is very independent and I make sure that he is, but there are just times he needs help. I'm not trying to boss him and I don't pity him. My husband has worked and kept going until the eyes put him on disability. He can't drive and is dependent on me and others for transportation. I do my best to encourage him and we go shopping and to the movies and church and just try to be as normal as possible. I don't know how to help him right now and I am very scared I will lose him before we get through the dialysis and getting a new kidney. I'm not ready to lose him at this age (57). We had two weddings to go to today, but did not because I had been sick on Friday, because I knew it would be too much for him, but mainly it is just too hard to watch people getting married when I feel like my marriage is about to be over.

Yes, I am mad at my husband for not taking care of himself like he should have, but I don't want that to get in the way of the time we have left. I need to find a support group, not counseling. I've done that. I need to talk to people who know how I feel and can help me see past all the doom and gloom. My husband needs people like himself to talk to as well. Can you help us find a group that meets at night? When school starts, that is the only time I will have.

Moniteau County, Missouri


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