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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk

Carenotes

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 08/28/12

How do I get my mother to wear incontinence underwear?  When she uses the bathroom, she does not wipe herself. Urine wets her pants a little each time and it smells all over the apartment. Every time I explain and remind her to wipe after using the bathroom, we always get into an argument. Any suggestions? Thanks.

S.

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Name: Kat
Location:
Date: 12/09/2012
Time: 07:48 PM

Comments

My Mom would not wear adult "diapers". Calling them "disposable panties" was better. Initially, I convinced her to wear the "disposable panties" on outings so we wouldn't have to make mad dashes to the restroom. Eventually she decided it was better to wear the "disposable panties" daily.


Name: CC
Location: TN
Date: 09/03/2012
Time: 11:20 AM

Comments

First off get her some moist wipes as the toilet paper may be too rough to use. Also take her to the urologist as she may not be emptying her bladder completely. I have this problem and after a first large flow I must lean to the left and forward to completely empty my bladder. There is also medication out there to help. You might trick her by wearing them yourself for a week or so. Show her your new "panties" and suggest she might like to try a pair. Please realize that diapers are uncomfortable, bulky and warm. Try some panty liners! Have friends of yours and hers discuss the problem. Begin by using a relative of "friend Jean" and see what Mom suggests for a solution. As an incentive offer to buy her a pair of new panties for every 5 days that she remains to keep her dry. I wish you well and good health! CC


Name: Ann Fonfa
Location: Delray Beach, FL
Date: 09/03/2012
Time: 09:22 AM

Comments

I am the founder of Annie Appleseed Project for folks with cancer. Our focus is on natural strategies and I personally am chemically-sensitive. Lots of medications can create or enhance this type of problem - chemicals do cause problems for our brain cells. PLEASE do NOT use 'scented' products around folks who are demented or suffering from serious illness. Their immune systems may be taxed to the max already.


Name: Mary P.
Location: Miami Fl.
Date: 09/03/2012
Time: 06:01 AM

Comments

It is the same with the Man, It has been a long road and still going. My husband hd Prostrate Cancer, 10 years ago. Cancer was treated but incontient, has not. In the beginning it was pads I would explain, but "then would put them on and say" they are comfortable, Now it is pull ups. Still more explaining. Little by little.


Name: Bobbie
Location: New York, NY
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 09:30 PM

Comments

Hi, when it got REALLY bad I took my Mom's underwear away and tossed it. I replaced it with Depends. It was gradual. I put Depends in her underwear drawer for a few weeks HOPING she would use them, she did not. However, I think my Mom was much more incontinent than yours. And probably a lot older. Cover the furniture with Waterproof seat protectors or disposable underpads. Cover her mattress with Resusable waterproof bed pads. There are companies that have GREAT underwear that has BUILT in special pads that you wash like normal underwear: Incontinence Panties and all the products I mentioned. Have them send you these three catalogs. Try www.feelgoodstore.com or www.goldviolin.com or www.easycomforts.com. Is she able to use a Kegel Exerciser? They have those too. Good luck. I am still struggling. I have to push my Mother to use the bathroom. I have had COUNTLESS arguments over this.


Name:
Location:
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 09:16 PM

Comments

Tone is s huge key! With grama, it that they were presented with excitement that I'd brought a gift! Now, with my roommate, I can be a bit more direct and ask that he wear the ones which are far more like normal undies on certain days when he's more likely to have accidents. I can see that I'll need other of the suggestions offered here as time passes. L.


Name: Lisa
Location: Dayton
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 08:34 PM

Comments

It makes a nice case for those toilets that spray you with water! As soon as I can afford one,I'm having one installed.


Name: Caregivers on the go
Location: Wheaton, Illinois
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 08:00 PM

Comments

Depends make under garments that look like panties and come in all different colors. As for the odor have wipes in the bathroom for mom, theirs scented and unscented baby wipes that are good for to the skin. Also use some destin A and D ointment. help her skin from breaking down. Also sometimes you may have to remind her in a gentle way, like they had to do us when we were young to wipe ourselves good. And one more thing, you mate have to assist Mom yourself, by wiping her or coming in the bathroom With her to remind her, or ask her when she comes out did she wipe, she might get upset but you don't want her going around people with an offensive odor, and if you are taking care of her that will reflect on you


Name: Karen
Location: OKC
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 07:55 PM

Comments

I remember this situation well. Mother only used two squares of TP to wipe herself. She did not like wearing pads or pull-ups. I started inserting maxi incontinence pads in her cotton panties so that wasn't a choie when she got dressed. In time, she didn't even notice the pads. I handed her two wet-wipes instead of the toilet paper. I handed her a poweder puff with deoderant power to "smell good". Every time I would say "this is what I use. This is what I do. I really think you will like this". I found it useless and frustrating to discuss the odor or wetness problem. I just focused on changing behaviors, routines, and always smiling, hugging, and acting like we're doing the same thing together. Mother is in the late stages now and doesn't know wet from dry.


Name:
Location:
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 11:41 AM

Comments

I didn't ask my mother but she trusted me, and I used a voice that gave her a chance to under stand why I was doing it. She feels fine about it now. I put a diaper on her when getting her dressed for bed. During the day I put a pad in her underwear. She just hates to call them diapers so we made up a better sounding name. I just do what I have to for her protection and the bed's. Once about three months ago the urine went through to her new easy chair. I'm tired of cleaning it. Put a long pad over the entire bottom of her chair too.


Name: Marlene
Location: MD
Date: 09/02/2012
Time: 07:04 AM

Comments

I'd like to see some suggetions for dealing with fecal incontinence.


Name:
Location:
Date: 08/28/2012
Time: 10:00 AM

Comments

There are female adult diapers that look like nice garments compared to past products. I am blessed that my Mother likes them. I found them at my common Market. Bless you.


Name: Pam B
Location: Lake Havasu City, AZ
Date: 08/28/2012
Time: 09:48 AM

Comments

Tone of voice and patience is key, "Mom look what I brouht for you with excitement! show her a pair of underwear with an incontinence pad attached. " I hope you like them" ask for her opinion, depending of the stage of dementia she may be able to answer. Patience, Patience, Patience she will need gentle instruction always.


Name: JSTEWARD
Location: MISSOURI
Date: 08/28/2012
Time: 07:13 AM

Comments

You might try taking her underwear after you laundry them and inserting "light" incontinence pads-(better yet the deodorant type if she's not allergic to them)Those are not so noticeable and she may not object to them. When she does use the bathroom, they are easily changeable and will keep the smell at a minimum. If you allow her to wear wet underwear, eventually, this will break down her skin tissue and cause a great deal of irritation and possible infection.


Name: Ruth
Location: North Carolina
Date: 08/28/2012
Time: 06:02 AM

Comments

I heard a story not too long ago that relates to your first question. The story involved a lady that would not wear incontinence underwear. The women in her family were around her everyday. Throughout the day they would pull just the tip of their underwear out from their pants and say to the older woman. "I've got my underwear on. Do you?" By these consistent actions, they normalized wearing underwear. The older woman believed that everyone was wearing incontinence underwear by them only showing a tip and eventually the difficulty disappeared. To address your second question - what about using a written reminder(s) in the bathroom. That may take some of the pressure off of you directly. Another one would be to say that her physician requires that she wipe to stay clean. It might warrant a conversation with her physician to get them on board.


Name: Darbi Rogers
Location: NC
Date: 08/27/2012
Time: 05:24 AM

Comments

I have had the same issue with 2 of my charges and I just gently explained to them the odor when around them was less than pleasant and the first might want to start wiping and the second one I suggested if she use more toilet paper she wouldn't have the odor. (2 squares of toilet paper per wipe used to be her limit) Sometimes we just have to come right out with the facts if hinting doesn't work. Hugs always soften the moment I find.


Name:
Location:
Date: 08/26/2012
Time: 11:25 AM

Comments

"S", I had the same issue with my 94 yr old Father. I waited until he had an accident and sat with the dirty undies and had a conversation gentle conversation with him, then handed him the disposables. He still protested but I just left him alone with the pants. I went to his bedroom and removed all his cloth, and substituted the disposables. He got the idea. Now, I did get him the kind that are out now that are shaped and fitted more like his "tighty whiteys". So, that did help. Good luck!


 







 

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