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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk

Carenotes

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 02/22/11
I am an elderly caregiver. I just finished your book The Fearless Caregiver; very interesting. I found it most helpful.  But I have a question.  I work for a lady three days a week and have been her caregiver for almost three years.  Lately, she has been so hateful to me.  I have bent over backwards for her and have done nothing to her to be treated like this.  What should I do?  I would appreciate your opinions.
 
B.


 

 

 

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Name: Jacqueline Marcell
Location: Irvine, CA
Date: 02/23/2011
Time: 09:36 PM

Comments

Hi B, I endured horrible treatment and rages from my elderly father, so I know what you are going through. It took me a year, but I finally figured everything out and was so compelled by what I had been through, I wrote a book about it to help people like you.


Name: Talia
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 02/22/2011
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

Could there be any medical reasons her personality has changed? If not then it may be helpful to have weekly or monthly meetings with her to discuss recent issues or concerns she may have. If this is not already being done, it may make her more comfortable addressing issues if it is a routine meeting, rather than you addressing your issue with her recent personality change. This may also open up a door for better communication to her being a better patient and you being a better caregiver. If you feel these options are not possible, and you are comfortable with talking to her family members, this may be helpful too. If you feel there are no other options and you are becoming abused with no other options, then you may want to reconsider your current role as her caregiver and begin to consider other caregiving options. Studies have shown that elderly caregivers are more likely to develop chronic conditions than non-elderly caregivers due to the stress that caregiving can produce. Because of this it is extremely important that you take care of yourself as well, to avoid developing any of your own medical issues, which could lead you to needing your own caregiver.


Name: Beverly Jones
Location: florence,sc
Date: 02/22/2011
Time: 01:10 PM

Comments

Some people will use this type of attitude to get you to quit. Maybe she feels as if she is finding fault with everything you do,you'll quit. This type of behavior is cowardly. People today have become very cowardly instead they prefer to act ugly making you think it's your fault. Sometimes someone has to be the better man. Asked her"what's wrong" see if she'll talk. If not then it's up to you to decide when enough is enough.


Name: Brenda
Location: Canton, Ga
Date: 02/22/2011
Time: 11:29 AM

Comments

It sounds like this could be something going on medically such as UTI infection. My Mom would act very different when this happens to her. If that is the case its not her fault this infection always affects you mentally, forgetting things, not speaking clearly, speech being broken etc. I always tried to catch the signs before she would get that bad, but was not always successful. Look for strong urine smell, big clue.


Name: Gail
Location: MIdwest
Date: 02/22/2011
Time: 08:45 AM

Comments

YOU DON'T MENTION WHAT HER AILMENT IS. IF IT'S ANY FORM OF DEMENTIA, THIS IS JUST A CHARACTERISTIC OF THE DISEASE. IF IT'S ANOTHER AILMENT, IT COULD JUST BE FRUSTRATION. WHO ELSE IS AROUND TO TAKE HER FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON? BE KIND. AND LOOK PAST IT EITHER WAY. ONE OF THE MOST CHALLNGING PARTS OF CAREGIVING IS NOT TAKING THESE THINGS PERSONALLY. NOT EASY- BUT, A MUST.



 







 

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