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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk

Carenotes

Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 11/02/10
I have a 25-year-old bipolar daughter and I need help.  These are my issues:

1. I am torn between working (which I need to do to sustain us) and not leaving her at home alone.

2. I am frequently subject to her rage attacks.  I have had to call the police on several occasions.  She perceives that I think thoughts about her that I do not.  I am not trying to be critical when talking to her; I am just trying to help her make better choices. Her tendency is to have a rage attack when she is upset about the failure (or perceived failure) with a boyfriend.  She has never been able to have a valid relationship with a man, but views this as a way to gain self-acceptance. 

It is significant that my daughter's rage attacks are only directed at me as her primary caregiver, her older sister (who does not spend as much time with her), and perhaps a boyfriend—those she feels safe with. Outside of the home, she is like a mousevery unassertive, quiet, and has difficulty trusting people enough to make friends. She spends a good deal of time on Facebook with people she barely knows or has never met.

It is my belief that the "mania" in my daughter's bipolar is expressed through these rage attacks, not euphoriaalthough I guess there is an initial euphoria in beginning a relationship with a new man.

3. She says I am crazy because I overreact to her poor choices with men and in other areas of her life.

4. She processes any sort of negativity from others as a rejection and goes into a state of depression and self-hatred.

5. She refuses to do what I ask of her—routine chores, being on time—and I become angry, which only gives her an excuse not to do what I ask and state that I am "crazy" and overreacting.

6. I have tried all my life to help my daughter and wish to see her function in society as an independent individual. I don't know whether she is unable or unwilling to do this. I do not know to what extent my protective attitude toward my daughter is enabling her failure to become independent.

7. My daughter has been treated by psychiatrists and counselors for at least the last ten years and does take medication for her disorder. Both she and I are still having great difficulty.

Please try to connect me with others who are dealing with the same illness so that I can better help my daughter.
 
SH.

 

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