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Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 6/16/10

I am trying to find a suitable assisted living facility in Southern California for my wife who is 41 years old and has cognitive impairment due to multiple strokes.  I've checked my local caregiver resource center, my state's community care licensing facility (for ARFs), and called placement referral services but to no avail.  The places I've contacted are biased toward seniors, boarding homes that allow for at most 1 person under 60, or for mentally unstable (bi-polar, psychotic, etc.) people.  Right now the closest option are the boarding homes, which settings and activities are geared toward seniors.  My wife needs supervision and some assistant with her ADLs but she still enjoys going out (malls, movies, beaches, parks, etc.) which isn't conducive to a boarding home environment (i.e. she will be living with only seniors).  There must be facilities that are geared to a younger crowd.  Please help.




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Date: 08/15/2013
Time: 02:02 PM


We feel you J. We are looking for a facility suited for a 40 year, spinal injured person (man) who is on a ventilator. can't seem to find one in California anywhere.

Name: Vannesha Pruitt
Location: Memphis TN
Date: 06/13/2013
Time: 01:23 PM


I have been a cna for thirteen years and I enjoy taking care of people, it is my passion I enjoy during.

Name: J
Location: Southern California
Date: 06/18/2010
Time: 11:43 AM


Thank you for your sincere and quick responses. I want to clarify the reason I need my wife to move out of the house hold. When she is with me, she becomes highly dependent, needing me to cater to her every whim; otherwise, she wails and yells like shes being abused (the cops have come twice, but now know better). She does not let me rest or even have 10 minutes of alone time. When she is with others, her attitude changes. She becomes one of the herd and tries not to be noticed (so I know she can be independent). The ARFs that Ive contacted either have not called back (even after leaving several messages) or say that they do not cater to non-seniors (even though by definition, that is their demographic group).

Name: jo
Location: long beach
Date: 06/17/2010
Time: 12:51 PM


Hi J I feel so sorry about your wife..its kind of tough disicion that you are going to make...I am a caregiver and I know what you mean about assisted living facilities,,etc. Why don't you just hire a private caregiver for her?? In that way she will be cared really good and in that way she will be staying with you day and night. I know somebody who can help you in case you need one

Name: KC
Location: Illinois
Date: 06/17/2010
Time: 11:53 AM


As a case manager for a living assistance service provider I have heard this story before. Just a little FYI, you do not necessarily have to move her away from her home. There are many Home Services Agencies as well as Home Health agencies that can provide assistance with ADLs. companionship, med reminders,and even take her out to the movies or other things she may enjoy. Many can work in your home for how ever long and how many hours that are needed. Many also offer live in caregivers if needed. Just make sure you have an agency that is licensed and bonded. Your wife is comfortable and familair with her own home and surroundings. These services allow her to stay that way. Just wanted to let you know there are other options. Good Luck to you!

Name: GT
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 12:42 PM


My wife was 54 when the strokes started. Even at that age I ran into the same limitations as I tried to find care facilities. I finally managed to cobble together a series of increasingly comprehensive care options so that she could stay at home while I worked. There should be local providers offering home health aide or home health assistant level individuals who can stay with your wife and provide the safety and stimulus she needs while you're away. This arrangement worked well for several years, until the continuing stroke damage forced us to other options. I do hope you can work something out. I know it's extremely frustrating to the point of madness to find help for someone who doesn't fit the typical patient profile.

Name: Chris Gutierrez
Location: Pasadena, CA
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 11:45 AM


Hi J, You are correct in that it is very tough to find suitable care for someone who is in their 40s or 50s as an ARF (Adult Residential Facility) often has younger people as they are licensed for those that are between 18-59 years old. The residential care facilities for the elderly have those that are usually 60 plus but as you say, they can have at least one person in there below 60. I think that you are on the right track with the board and care homes though as long as there is a caregiver or volunteer service in the area that can send someone to spend time with your wife going on outings. My company helps families daily to locate board and care homes in Southern California and you are welcome to call me anytime at (626) 795-7789. My service is always free to the family and I welcome your call J. Take care Chris Gutierrez, Southern California Senior Resources

Name: Lisa Gaglio
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 11:15 AM


Hi J, I am a compassionate caregiver and read your story and can understand where you are coming from. i am truly sorry to hear about your wife and so young. I used to live in Beverly Hills for a long time and have a medical background. I have now moved to Vancouver, WA and wish I was back in CA. I would love to help you out. I am caregiving now for a private family but am trying to change my situation to move back to CA. I will see if I can find out some info from my end to help out if I can. I know the state of CA is broke which is of no help and what a mess that is. You can contact me by e-mail and if you wish to call I will give you the #, that is OK too. .  Again, I will try to find out what I can. Blessings, Lisa Gaglio Don't give up. Things will work out for the best!

Name: Monica Soltes
Location: Clarkston Michigan
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 08:53 AM


Dear J: Until three years ago, I also resided in California where having become disabled at age 37 there was a need to reside in a handicapped equipped residence. Fortunately, I found such a place in Carlsbad with a father and son, whom were both in wheelchairs and a full time caregiver resided with us. Since I have been in Michigan have not been able to locate such a residence where someone of my age, 45 could live. Wish to create such a home for people between 35-55 where we can feel safe and also enjoy the times we have remaining with dignity and freedom to choose our living environment.

Name: April
Location: Arkansas
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 05:37 AM


When being a caregivers, you have to pay close attention to all medicines including side effects. I typed out list of medicines and how to administer in case I was not at home. Administering medication is the caregivers biggest responsibility.



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