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Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 1/20/10

I am the caregiver of my 86 year old mother who lives with me. I get some part time help from the V.A. and Elder Services in my area to help with bathing her, changing bed sheets and cleaning her bathroom. Mom has bad knees, diabetes, is severely overweight, incontinent and refuses to wear her Depends. I am grateful to have help with her because I could not keep up with her needs on my own and her aides are very nice. We have had bad aides from time to time after her surgeries so I appreciate the difference. I feel better having people that care in my home. The only issue I have is that one of the aides has taken it upon herself to food shop out of our house. She is rarely there when I am home so I haven't been able to confront her about it. My mom adores her and won't confront her about it and I dont want to report her. Mom gets Meals on Wheels and still presents me with a $200 food shopping list every week which is an insane amount of food for one semi ambulatory person to consume.

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Name: joy
Location: stl mo
Date: 01/20/2010
Time: 06:03 AM


it would be nice to leave a note for the caregiver stating your concerns and what you expect her do to do. maybe gift cards will help to so that you can limit the amount the caregiver is spending. hope this helps!

Name: David Levy
Location: Boca Raton, Florida
Date: 01/20/2010
Time: 09:55 AM


Your situation is not that unusual. An easy start without a major confrontation is to go shopping at Mom's local grocery store. Buy the things she would need/want, but budget carefully and keep it to $50.Since you now know current prices, make up the shopping list and leave $50.00 in cash to pay for the items. Expect a receipt. Tell mom not to pay for food with cash or check as you are using a new cash system with the bank. If you see a $200 bill for groceries after this, you have to confront the situation. Tell her that you will do the food shopping and she is to stay at your mother's home while on duty. If it still persists you need to let her go.

Name: Lisa
Location: Wilmington,Ohio
Date: 01/20/2010
Time: 12:16 PM


Theft is theft.The aide needs to be fired,and reported.Period. This is a high trust position,and so at the very least,you know that you can not trust this person.I am an aide so i live this every day.They offer me lunch,and I enjoy that,and know that they can afford that.I would bring my lunch if they wanted me to.

Name: Michelle Carlson
Location: Attleboro, MA
Date: 01/20/2010
Time: 06:31 PM


One thing that may help is to go to your local hospital, they may have information for you to get more help with your mom and also information for a support group for caregivers. I found the support group I belong to has been very informative. As far as the aide, you have to report her. It is stealing. If she was hired through an agency contact that agency, you may not be the only person she is stealing from. You have enough on your plate and should not have to put up with a person like that.

Name: Roxanna
Location: Champaign, IL
Date: 01/21/2010
Time: 07:23 AM


You must report this person to Elder Protective Services in your area. If she is stealing food, what else is missing. Others in her care are probably missing things also. Some seniors living alone may not realize what she is doing. She must be reported.

Name: Rosary
Location: Branson,Mo
Date: 01/27/2010
Time: 05:12 PM


You are not clear as to weather she just gives you a list or she does the shopping . Is she slealing food & brimging it home? If stealling then its time to shop around for another aid.If its just shopping then see if the market has deliverly. For a small fee they can shop & deliver. If its a list then buy what you know is needed & nothing more. Inform her the Dr. has her on a special diet. I admire your commitment to caring for your Mom I've been there so I know what you're going through. My Prayers are with you.


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