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Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 07/17/09

My mother is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and will eventually have to live with either my sister or myself.  It is more convenient for her to live with my sister who has agreed to this.  The problem is that my mother would rather live with me.  She is petrified that she will not be able to do so, but my sister would be hurt if she finds out that my mother does not want to live with her.

How do I handle this without hurting someone's feelings?


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Name: Mary Wilson, Caregiver Coach
Location: Faith in Action, Becker, MN
Date: 07/17/2009
Time: 10:05 AM


Is it possible to approach your mother with the idea of a shared living arrangement--that is, a month or two with your sister and a month or two with you? If she knows she has an option, she may be more willing to go to your sister's first. Hopefully, by the time she is settled there (and with frequent visits from you) she will realize it isn't so bad. Depending on the progression of her Alzheimer's, you will have to assess how difficult several moves will be for her. After the first month or two at your sister's, you can approach the plan again and see if she is adamant about moving with you or willing to stay longer with your sister. Then revisit the plan maybe every few weeks to be sure your mom is okay with the plan. Sometimes giving options up front lessens the threat of taking away the independence that the elderly so cherish. Good luck!


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