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Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 01/08/09
I have a question. Mom has dementia..short term memory is gone.. but yet when I tell her something that did happen (like at the Doctor's office) she gets upset and says NO..... Where was I? etc.....but she knows she forgets things too. She also thinks I should go to work, home, her house.....that's it!! She is jealous when I do my running around for things I need to do on Saturdays (she gets too tired to go), but she does get out of the house. (She often chooses not to, but then complains about not being able to go) So far she is able to live alone (I live next door and check on her often) I also take care of a handicap son......He lives on the other side of Mom's!! He is deaf, has seizures, and is mentally challenged (I do have some outside help with him-but not a lot) Any suggestions on how to make life easier for Mom?

Thank you .


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Name: Ava
Location: Louisiana
Date: 01/08/2009
Time: 09:43 AM


I share the same problem with my mom. First, I wonder why you aren't asking for suggestions on how to make your life easier. I learned that the hard way when I got sick and then nothing got done. Unfortunately, you have to set limits for your mom and what she wants/demands. I have had to actually organize her life. It's hard to tell you anything more because your life is far more complicated. I hope this little amount has helped. God bless you for your dedication to your family.

Name: Darrell
Location: Aging & Adult Services, Pottstown, Pa.
Date: 01/08/2009
Time: 11:33 AM


Would Mom be agreeable to Adult Day Care at least 1 or 2 days per week for socialization. It would be stimulation for her and she may feel that she has something worthwhile to do besides asking you for your assistance which winds up frustrating her because she is lucid enough to know she is losing her independence. It sounds like your mother is in one of the most difficult phases of dementia. She is still capable of recognizing that there is a problem but can't really identify it. you might want to also seek out the services of your local Mental Health/ Mental Retardation Office to ascertain whether the son qualifies for more extensive services such as day treatment programs, nursing, or other caregiving staff that can be provided through government programs. Back to you mother, do you have a plan for when she is no longer able to live alone??? Can she live with you as an option?? Is there money available for Assisted Living Care?? These are things you may want to consider in the long range.

Location: Ohio
Date: 01/09/2009
Time: 05:25 AM


At least you Recognize that there is a problem, one that will only increase as time goes on for both YOU, Your MOM and Son. Talk to your Doctor, the local county on Aging, Your Son's Doctor- there are programs and assistance for Taking care of your Mom at Home, or in Adult Day Care, this might even be covered under her insurance or Disability, Veterans Service Commissions, if your Father was a Vet.( check with Medicare, Medicaid or Social Security) Sometimes there is money available to pay for Home Care Companions, as for your? Son there is Day Programs available at schools or Workshops for the Handicapped, He might even qualify for a Home Health Aide/companion. His Age..?? Since he is Mentally Challenged He must be on SSI...and would qualify for programs geared toward Care etc. I agree with the Comments form AVA from Louisiana, You have to set limits or you Yourself will end up being taken care of... Talk to the Doctors and get them to give you resources... You don't have to do it alone..



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