Happy Valentine's Day

As any astute longtime reader of this column knows, there are certain times of the year when we like to share our favorite appropriate stories with you. You might call them our seasonal chestnuts. One of these times is during Christmas, when we roll out our version of “The Night Before Christmas’ aptly renamed “A Caregivers Christmas”    Another is on this very day, when we like to recount the story of our Valentine’s Day lovebirds – Mike and Mindy…

Mike and Mindy

 They heard about the session in the news that very morning. Let’s call them Mike and Mindy. I was in their town to host an information and resource panel and had a short interview on one of the local television stations, which prompted their attendance. The idea of the panel was to enable caregivers to ask questions of their local experts and receive immediate attention. My role was to moderate and (hopefully) motivate.

At first Mike and Mindy didn’t ask any questions, it seemed as if it took all their available energy not to burst into tears. Finally, their story emerged; they had been primary caregivers for Mindy’s Mom, who lived with them for over 18 years before she passed away last fall. Now, his dad needed care. The rest of the story was familiar enough, no local family except for a brother living 30 miles away who might as well have been living on another planet. The question they finally asked that day was delivered in a low but plaintive tone “How can we get away, if even for a while?” 

To me, the answers were simple enough. Their community was at no loss for respite opportunities. But as I listened while they were given credible options for temporary relief, I realized something. These folks were too drained and too lost to be able to even hear the answers given. They were like the person who needed to gain muscle strength before being able to perform a strenuous physical task, but were too weak and depressed to even start the exercise needed to develop the muscles to begin the task in the first place. 

I know that they received good advice that day and one of the agencies was committed to following up with them, but I don’t know if they will be able to find the energy to help motivate each other to the action they so desperately need. I hope so. 

The take-home lesson for all of us who empathize with Mike and Mindy is that although they have consistently exhibited real love for their family members, the people they really need to turn their attention to this Valentine’s Day (and beyond) is themselves.

The lessons of the story remain as true as the day I met Mike and Mindy.  Happy Valentine’s Day, or as I like to say “Happy Care for Caregivers Day.”

Help us retire the Mike and Mindy saga by sharing your favorite Valentines Story with your loved one.

Take care
Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com
 

Click here to register for our Fearless Caregiver Conferences in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Share The Gift of Support Customized Gift Subscription Cards A cost-effective and successful way to support your caregivers.
Today’s Caregiver magazine’s Gift of Support gift card subscription program is an easy and inexpensive way to recognize and support those caregivers for whom you care. The Gift of Support program will personalize your message on full color gift subscription cards, available in discounted quantities of 20 or more. Mail them directly to your caregiving friends and clients, present the cards in person at events or regular meetings or Today's Caregiver will even send them for you at a small additional charge. Now is the perfect time to send the gift that caregivers really need. A Gift of Support subscription to Today’s Caregiver magazine will be remembered and appreciated issue after issue. For more information on our gift card program, click here.
Today's Caregiver magazine Supports Your Conference
	Non-profit organizations: Contact us and we will provide complimentary magazines for your conference attendees.  All you pay is shipping and handling. Don't miss this opportunity! To sign up, click here.
The caregiver book club is now online.  Take a look.
A Prayer for the Caregiver
by Bruce McIntyre
Unknown and often unnoticed, you are a hero nonetheless. For your love, sacrificial, is God at his best...Continued
Give yourself some extra LOVE, this valentine's day!
Feature Article
Geriatric Care Manager by Cheryl Ellis, Staff Writer   Caregiving can become an unexpected necessity if a senior experiences a sudden illness.  We expect the elderly to have special challenges with the passing years.....Continued
Additional Articles: Give Yourself a Break, Right Now Caregiver.com Doctor appointments that must be scheduled; the constant care and attention your loved one needs, both physically and emotionally;.   ...Continued Caregiver Burnout by Dr. M. Ross Seligson Being able to cope with the strains and stresses of being a Caregiver is part of the art of Caregiving In order to remain healthy so that we can continue to be Caregivers,...Continued
Guest Column
After Caregiving: Picking up The Pieces by Brenda Race   As a caregiver, we totally commit ourselves to caring for another person who no longer functions as they once did in the normal scheme of life......Continued
Caretips
Caring For The Caregiver Being a caregiver is a stressful and demanding job. There is usually very little, if any opportunity to prepare for a new caregiving situation....Continued
Carenotes
I really need some advice. I started dating this wonderful man several months ago. He is socially active, motivated for achieving greater things in his future, artistic, creative, and giving. A few weeks into our courtship he confided in me his “real” situation. Around 10 years ago he started dating someone who developed schizophrenia. They “ended” the physical relationship sometime later. However, this person still lives with the man I am dating. In fact, this person sleeps in the same bed, is supported both financially and emotionally almost 100% by my friend. But he works, drives, functions in public areas, etc. He is successfully medicated. My friend is the only caregiver, outside of this person’s brother who is also schizophrenic. I feel like the “other woman.” I have never dealt with schizophrenia before, and have never been with someone who is the primary caregiver for a schizophrenic. I am not sure how to process some of the issues I feel. I am not sure if there can be a future with me and this person because he hasn’t even let me meet the person yet (and the person doesn’t want to meet me). It seems he has made a life-long commitment to this other man, and this other person will always be the priority. I know he is burnt out. He feels that trying to make any changes to the current status quo will be like “kicking the other person to the curb” (including having the guy sleep in his own bed or calling him boyfriend). He has not had a healthy, loving relationship in 10 years. I am being affected by schizophrenia and I don’t even know the man who has it. What am I missing? What are the boundaries I should be red-flagging (if not to him, then to myself?). How can I help him? Where does patience take a back seat to my own wishes/needs in this relationship? How long is too long?   Answer This Week's CareNote: carenotes/2007/index.htm
Caregiver.com Support Group Directory. Click here for information about any caregiver support groups in your area. Caregivers need your help. Please add information about your local support groups to our Support Group Directory. Include the name of the group, where and when it meets, city and state and support group leader contact information.
Have an idea for an article? We are always looking for contributing writers. For more information contact editor@caregiver.com Recommend Us Tell your friends about Caregiver.com!  If you have a friend who you think would benefit from our newsletter, complete and submit the form: http://www.caregiver.com/recommend/index.htm Subscription Information If you received caregiver newsletter and are not yet a subscriber, and would like to begin receiving a complimentary copy of your own, please click here. Unsubscribe To unsubscribe from caregiver newsletter, simply  click on the 'opt-out' link at the bottom of this newsletter.   Privacy Policy Privacy Statement http://www.caregiver.com/privacy/index.htm
Copyright © 1995-2007 Caregiver.com Inc., All rights reserved by Caregiver.com and its subsidiaries.