Gimmicks and Gambits.
One of the greatest
challenges we face as family caregivers comes not from the
health care system, lack of financial resources or even the
illness our loved ones are dealing with, but from our loved
ones themselves. There I said it. Sometimes those loved ones
we are endeavoring to help, can be obstinate as heck. Yet,
sometimes what we see as obstinacy or just plain orneriness
is nothing more than manifested fear. They know as well as
we do that their lives are changing and the independence
they cherished for so many decades is being taken from them
more by nature than by you, but since railing against nature
seems a futile gesture – pushing back at you will do just
Although I do appreciate
the reasons that our loved ones will fight all efforts to
make sure their homes are suited for their present physical
condition or when they are sure they do not need any
in-home assistance even though they desperately do need such
support, I am not beyond suggesting trickery, subterfuge and
just plain gimmickry to help keep them safe from harm.
Some of the gambits I
have heard include:
Making sure you let
mom know that your insistence that she keep her doctor’s
appointment is that it will make you feel better, not
because you are worried about her.
Telling dad that the
in-home assistance you seek is not because he is
incapable of caring for himself, but that you are
concerned about your mom, his well-spouse
Taking away the
distributor cap in the car
Giving your loved
one non-working car keys just so he or she has a set in
Getting rid of the
car and saying that you will be glad to give them a ride
until it is repaired
I know that we all have
one sure-fire motivation tool (see, I did not say non-truth)
that we resort to when caring for our loved ones. Tell us
My sure-fire gimmick
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Understanding Challenging Behavior
By Sharon Roth Maguire MS, APRN-BC, GNP, APNP
While being a caregiver to unusual
or so-called “difficult” behaviors, it is quite common for persons with
dementia to display these types of behaviors and while many of these
behaviors are predictable, ...Continued
Learning How To Be A Caregiver
By Jennifer Kay
It was a beautiful day in March 1995, when my mother and father gathered
their family around and my father told us, in his usual intellectual
matter-of-fact way, he was going to die.
Escaping the Holiday Coulda-Woulda-Shouldas
Enjoying the holidays as a caregiver includes letting go of a
dangerous mindset called “coulda-shoulda-woulda” thinking, also
known as the if-only syndrome.....Continued
Eight Tips to Managing Caregiver Guilt
By Dr. Vicki
Guilt is a common feeling in the landscape of caregiving. Guilt can
propel you to be the best you can be…or it can immobilize you.
Stress and Caregiving
By Michael Plontz
While everyone else is enjoying the hustle and bustle and the joy of
the holiday season, there are many caregivers out there who just want the
whole thing over with. ...Continued
F r o m O u r R e a d e r s
My mother has a caregiver who,
in addition to stealing, refuses
to be paid any way except "under
the table." For those of you who
have non-family caregivers, are
they, in general, put on as
employees or as independent
contractors? I'm not talking
about the ones you get from
agencies that do it for a
business but, rather, the person
who is just doing it because
they are good at it and care,
the individual person not
connected with an agency.
I'm concerned that when this one
goes, she'll have a fall on the
way out, no workers'
compensation, nothing of record
because she's paid under the
table, only my mother's home
owner's insurance. A claim could
wipe out what little she has
How can I force this person to
do the right thing and at least
get her own worker's comp.
insurance? Or even give me her
SS#? Only reason she's still
there is because my mother is
cruel and intimidating and has
threatened more than once to
make life hell for any
replacement and they'd be gone
in a week. Frankly, it wouldn't
take that long but she fails to
understand that in that
situation, she'd end up in a
nursing home, which I want to
avoid, and if she does the same
thing, it would be a series of
Thanks in advance.
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