“I’m too ornery to die; I’m going to stick
around forever to make everyone else’s life miserable.” Those were
the only words of wisdom I had that alluded to her last wishes. My
mother was dead. I did not understand why, and the responsibility of
her final internment was placed upon my shoulders.
SCIENCE, my inner voice screamed. However, my
uncle’s response was “she has been poked and prodded on her entire
life; we should let her rest in peace.” I did not agree. My mother
suffered from rheumatoid arthritis since she was 15 and, at 52, why
should her suffering go in vain? True, she suffered in life. She
endured countless surgeries and disappointment because of the
degeneration of her joints. Nevertheless, she could help someone,
her pain would be knowledge. My mother would make a curious team of
medical students’ lives completely miserable for an entire year. I
felt completely confident her sense of humor would be validated.
More importantly, because her condition was so extreme they might
not ever forget her.
A testament to this theory came when Dr. Won Yi,
D.O. recalled his first encounter with his cadaver at the University
of North Texas Health Science Center.
“It was startling at first; it was so personal,”
Yi said. Twice weekly, the students organized into teams for anatomy
lab. “We developed an intimate, educational relationship—it was a
respectful and gratuitous one.”
Yi said having a real a real human body was an
extremely beneficial and educational resource. He also plans to
donate himself as an anatomical gift. “It’s only right; you must
give in order to receive in the name of medicine.”
I was touched to learn that at the end of the
semester, the students gathered to participate in a memorial
ceremony to commemorate their cadaver’s contribution to the cause.
I faced major challenges. First, I had to find a
school in Texas that would drive eight hours to pick up my mother’s
body from Oklahoma and bring her back to Texas (or suffer a possible
haunting—she was a devout Texan). Secondly, because she died
suddenly from streptococcal pneumonia, she was septic. This meant
that, I needed to investigate the issue further by means of an
autopsy. All of the opposition proved to weigh heavy on my already
overloaded, grieving, confused heart.
So many factors were dependant of another to
reach my goal. The majority of schools will not accept donations
that are not pre-arranged, from out-of-state, or from an autopsy and
especially one that was septic. My anxiety skyrocketed. I called
upon a friend, Sarah Willis, a scientist at Baylor College of
Medicine, to assist in my quest. Tirelessly she searched, and after
several rejections, Parker College of Chiropractic met all the
criteria for a small fee. I was elated. It was a small price to pay
for the fulfillment of my mother’s final wishes, as well as my own
peace of mind.
“I am so sorry for your loss,” was the initial
greeting followed by sincere gratitude from Claudia Venable,
director of Anatomical Services at Parker College. I had a million
questions and she answered them all twice. She even allowed me to
make monthly payments and notified me on what date to expect my
mother’s parceled remains. The hardest part of the whole process was
the day the mail man delivered the package to my door step.
In a more recent conversation with Claudia, I
asked her why Parker was willing to accept my donation, while so
many others were not. She replied, “Bigger institutions can be
pickier, because Parker College is smaller and private, we are more
willing to invest the time in more difficult donations.” For that, I
am so grateful.
Once the proper forms for a donation to Parker
College are completed, witnessed and notarized, they can be faxed as
long as the originals follow them via mail. Those forms include;
Personal Data Form, Donation Form, Next of Kin Form, and the Return
of Cremated Remains Form. The executor of the donor’s estate is only
required to pay for transportation expenses for the removal of body
and cremation. The institution will then retrieve your loved one and
they will become part of their curriculum. Upon completion, your
loved one is cremated and mailed to you. This usually occurs within
12 - 18 months of donation.
My second go around with death, distress and
decisions came a short 11 months after my mother’s death. I had not
even received the “cremains” of my mother when my father died. One
would think that having the previous anxiety of not knowing one
parent’s last wishes would evoke an immediate need to know the
other’s. My innate ostrich tendency meant never wanting to plan for
the inevitable. Instead, I always focused on the present, living and
hoping for the miracle that my father’s malignant
meningioma would not fulfill its prophecy. Even when
palliative (fuzzy-feel-good-word for hospice) care was introduced to
his daily battle, compelling optimism remained. It was not until the
night before his death I bombarded my grandmother with one long,
unprecedented stream of desires. Though taken by surprise with the
intensity projected, she agreed. Maybe I had known what he wanted
all along; at any rate, he could no longer tell us.
Science was also the wish I had for my father;
however, this time I wanted to give the gift of life. Because he was
still technically “living,” I had more options in terms of donation
avenues. I wanted whatever living element he had to directly benefit
in the continuum of another’s life.
We were fortunate enough to have Odyssey hospice
guide us in this process. Being a most helpful liaison, BioGift was
contacted immediately. BioGift is an association in Oregon that
assists in the placement of non-transplantable human organs,
tissues, and specimens for research and education. Steven Wells, the
BioGift representative was so helpful to my family. Nearly two
months later, when I called him he remembered me and has made
himself available for any follow up questions my family may have.
“We are here to help 24 hours a day, call me with any questions,”
After the death is confirmed, BioGift discusses
the donation with the family and physician. Consent forms,
Individual Death Certificate, and Cremation Authorization are
completed at that time. Next the arrangements are made for the
professional transportation of the donor, to the BioGift facility.
Then, blood is drawn and testing for infectious disease takes place.
A body can be rejected if the presence of infectious disease is the
cause of death, such as HIV or hepatitis. The tissue is then entered
into a nationwide database to be paired with potential medical
researchers and educators. The body is then cremated and returned to
the family along with certified death certificates.
There is no cost to the family for tissue and
organ donation; this includes the filing of the death certificate
and transportation permit. All information regarding the donor and
recipient is kept confidential. We recently received a letter of
gratitude from BioGift and a brief follow up that my father was able
to benefit as many as 75 people from a single tissue donation.
In addition to the basic anatomical donation,
there was a special plan. I, like so many, loved his “smiling eyes.”
His big blues “were that of an old soul” said Dr. Kimberly Monday at
his memorial service. His in particular, corneas and surrounding
tissue went to Baylor College of Medicine. A questionnaire almost
identical to the ones given when donating blood was required. I
found this to be a long and slightly uncomfortable experience,
especially within the hours of his death. It was all worth it
though. This aspect helped give closure to the grieving process.
There is a feeling that life continues for your loved one.
I searched my heart for the answers and did the
best I could with what each of my parents gave me. I had a separate,
unique and very special relationship with both of my parents. The
correlating factor befitting to both would be the decision to
cremate. Death is inevitable, thus universal to every living thing
on this planet. Ashes to ashes and so forth…
My mother currently resides in my closet,
waiting to make her final journey to the “mother land,” Ireland, to
be released into the atmosphere from the tallest castle her “baby
girl” can find. As for my father, my grandmother safely guards him.
We, as a family, are still undecided. I do not need a monument to
visit; my wish is to free his soul. I would like to return his
spirit to the place in which he found the most peace, Hawaii.
Death is obviously a dark subject. We are never
ready to say goodbye no matter how much preparation, or lack there
of, we have. Resistance to conversation might be the unwillingness
to contemplate death. Everyone is different. What is most important
is that you tell your family if you want to be an organ or tissue
donor or an anatomical gift; it is the best way to ensure that your
wishes will be carried out.
As for myself, there is no question that I wish
to be donated, and then cremated. I, like my parents, want my death,
as well as my life to have meaning. Life is precious, what is more
so than the gift of education and life.
For more information regarding your final wishes,
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