ARTICLES / General /
We are Not in Kansas Any More... /
Other ArticlesBy Shelly Moss
A more successful approach in dealing with
Joe is to go into his reality. If he gets
up and is ready to go to his job as a mechanic,
go with it. Talk to him about his job,
what he does, who he works with, and what he
likes about it. If he tries to leave his
home or the facility, explain that his boss
called and said they didn’t need him to come in
today. This explanation will make more
sense to him than the truth of him not having
worked in 10 years.
Let’s revisit Dorothy in Kansas, crying to her
caregiver to go home. She is told repeatedly that
she is home, and Dorothy retorts that she indeed is
not. She and her caregiver are exasperated with one
another and the exhausted caregiver places Dorothy
in a nursing home. Dorothy continually cries that
she wants to go home and the guilt-ridden caregiver
takes her back to the old house. But still she says,
“I want to go home.” What now?
The caregiver tries to tell Dorothy that she is
old and frail and can no longer take care of
herself. But she cannot get through to her
because in Dorothy’s mind, she is still skipping
down the yellow brick road with Toto close behind.
If you want to relate to her, you had better start
skipping. Talk about things in the past that she
remembers—Auntie Em and Henry, or even mean Miss
Gulch. Let her tell you how much she misses
them. Bring food or fix things she enjoyed in
her childhood. Bring pictures from the old
family scrapbook or picture books of that era. There
are numerous books with vivid pictures of the Dust
Bowl and the Depression, of the first Ford assembly
lines and electric appliances. Let her be the expert
on things of the past. Encourage her to talk
about what she did and what she was proud of.
Part of wanting to go home is a desire to go back to
a time when we were young, vigorous, and productive;
a time when we felt loved and needed. Allow
her to grieve for the loss of those times. Tell
Dorothy she is still loved and help her feel needed.
Let her know she is valued for her wisdom and her
experiences.
There are days when ordinary, healthy people want
things to be the way they used to be. There is no
solution except to spend some time grieving the loss
of these things. Children have grown and moved away,
careers are over, and friends are gone. People
with dementia need the opportunity to grieve just as
we all do; they just need more guidance. Affirm and
validate their feelings of sadness. Allow them
to be sad. Then do the best you can to make
them comfortable in the here and now. And if
all else fails, try skipping. It is very good
for the heart!
Shelly Osborn Moss is the
Executive Director at King’s Manor Methodist Home in
Hereford, Texas where she has been employed for many
years. She has worked with Alzheimer’s residents and
leads Alzheimer’s and caregiver support groups. She
is married and has two children.
