ARTICLES / General /
When Is It Time to Look for a... /
By Janet Ferree, MA
Something has to change and so I offer my
thoughts on why I ought to send him to a care
facility versus keeping him at home. Yours may
be different. I wonít consider the financial
aspect, only the rational versus emotional
elements of such a decision. The reasons I tell
myself and others in my situation why I should
send him to live elsewhere include:
- He is too heavy for me to care for without
risking further injury to him and myself.
Caring for him has caused me increasing
stress and mental damage over the years.
Being burned out has made my care for
him sloppy and filled with unkind comments.
He would be
safer living someplace where there are many
people available to assist him, especially if he
have more social interaction with others in his
have an obligation to be healthy and available
to our children and grandchildren (if I get hurt
or sick, they will have no functioning parents).
- I am
entitled to a life.
If I am able to share these rational and
compelling reasons with other caregivers, I ought to
be willing to listen to them myself. But I
cannot get past the emotions that keep me from
acting upon them:
How can I kick
him out of his own house, his own bed?
Am I more concerned
with his well-being or mine? And whose is more
He would be
horribly upset and lonely.
I would feel like I
am abandoning him; which in a way, would be true.
He would be at the
mercy of people who donít love him, very likely
donít speak English as a first language, and donít
prepare food he is accustomed to eating.
newspapers often run stories of residential and
institutional care facilities mistreating their
clients. What if my husband is secretly used
for medical experiments? What if he spends hours in
a soaked diaper and tied to his bed at night? What
if heís sexually assaulted?
What would friends
and family do if I send him away? Would they visit
him, or forget heís there? Would I forget him,
Would they let him
watch the baseball games and NCIS?